Through bare branches, I still can see the sky.

“Even the Winters of your heart are teaching you how to grow, how to wait, how trust that what is falling is making room for what is next.” Divine Purpose Blog

I don’t think I have ever been in this space before. It feels strange. After a life of always having a plan, a goal, an agenda, I feel in permanent inertia. I mean after all I am entering the last few chapters of my personal novel. What have I to show for all the anxiety, chasing, and existential nit picking. I mean What is the Point?

It sounds maybe to some that I am depressed. Well it is a little depressing at times to realize that the hourglass has been turned over and the sand still is running. This isn’t football with saved “time outs” to delay the inevitable end of the game. It’s just the way it is.

Some days I am just flat out tired. I am frankly on Chemo for the third time, and after over 30+ years of on and off bouts, you start to wonder-”What is the deal?”. It’s been a great life, no complaints! I have had my fun! I have been to some wonderful places. I have been a lucky dog!

But the thought still lingers-Now What?

I have to stick around for my obnoxious dog Snowy-no one would adopt him! He is a handful. He is now 7! I no longer can adopt any puppies because I can’t guarantee them a loving home for 13+ years. I mean not even 3 year olds! I adopt 10 year olds. I figure they have a shorter time, like me, on this planet, and may be a little less demanding. Or so I thought!

Forget about cats! All my cats have lived over 18 years, who knew cats lived so long! Of course that is a lot of naps so there lies the secret.

And I am not even going to go into “ the stuff” here.

I have been an artist and maker all my life. We could be accused of polluting the earth with our musings- especially with A.I. replacing our sensitive souls.

So I try to write more now: smaller footprints on the planet.

I am suppose to be wise now. I am heading towards Cronedom. The bathroom mirror is my reminder now only to remember to comb my thinning hair, put on some earrings and lipstick.

I am losing my eyebrows yet always have a crop of chin hairs to monitor.

Yet, believe me I have still so much to learn. I have so much more to see. I have so much more to say.

And the books, that pile never goes down! Maybe they are meant to become my stairway to Heaven! I’d hate to be bored!

And these hands can not be stopped by a mind driven by my dearest chatty friend-Creativity!

(You know that one friend you take shopping with you and always insists you buy that one thing you can’t afford because you deserve it.)

So what goes forward? Well I guess what ever shows up.

It’s all good and just what I needed after all.