A Concerned Message from an Unofficial Beaver Ambassador

You know how much I love Buc-ee’s.

Actually, “love” isn’t a strong enough word for what I feel for my Beaver Prince. I’ve written countless articles about my passion for this aquatic rodent. His stores are a beacon glowing in the night, beckoning the weary traveler.

And once inside this travel mecca, beaver delights await.

It could be “FRESH BRISKET ON THE BOARD!”

Or, always-fresh delicious coffee with every type of creamer you could imagine.

Or a wall of Beaver nuggets.

Oh, how I adore that beaver’s nuggets.

It could be t-shirts or home goods or jerky or banana pudding or bathrooms so clean you could eat in them. Literally. You could take that brisket sandwich into the stall with you and I guarantee it would still be a cleaner environment than many restaurants.

But, no matter how wonderful and delightful and seemingly perfect a beaver is, sometimes, well, mistakes are made.

BEAVERS ARE ONLY HUMAN, after all.

Case in point: the Beaver is suing other beavers for being beavers.

Yes, in a dismaying move, Buc-ee’s has filed a lawsuit against a mini mart in the town of Beavercreek, Ohio. “Beaver’s Mini Mart” on Haines Rd has been around for more than twenty years. It has no gas pumps and is miles from the nearest interstate. But according to the lawsuit, my Buc-ee’s Beaver Prince says its customers may be confused by its logo, despite the logo looking nothing like Buc-ee’s.

Now, “Beaver’s Mini Mart’” was around years before Buc-ee’s opened its Ohio stores. In playground vernacular: they were here first.

Not only that, the town of Beavercreek has a large number of businesses and non-profits and school mascots all featuring, you guessed it, beavers in their logos.

Shocker, right?

But Buc-ee’s apparently has a problem with that. They also have a problem with a gas station in Ohio called “Mickey’s.”

No, “Mickey’s” doesn’t have a beaver. It doesn’t have a mouse.

It has a moose. But Buc-ee’s claims the moose wearing a ball cap is too close to the look of my Beaver Prince in his ball cap.

Now, I don’t want to have this nonsense rolling around in my brain. It’s not good for my health.

It’s now competing with Communism for “Dumbest Idea in America.”

I don’t need that. You don’t need that. “Beaver’s Mini Mart” and “Mickeys” don’t need that.

So, I am beseeching thee, my dearest Beaver Prince, to reconsider this foolishness.

Hey, I understand protecting one’s brand and trademark. I would be the first to throw down if I saw someone selling products made to resemble yours, but I promise you, NO ONE is going to pull up to “Beaver’s Mini Mart” or “Mickeys” and think they are at a Buc-ee’s.

NO ONE.

Unless they are really really stupid.

And if that’s your target customer, dear Beaver Prince, you’ve got bigger problems than a moose.

(NOTE: Photos enclosed as evidence of my unwavering devotion to the Beaver. Also, I am totally serious about that Beaver Ambassador thing.)