“Greg, do you have a moment?” My hands shook slightly as I spoke to my employer, and I was annoyed by their trembling. Still, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised. This was a big decision for me. “I’ve decided not to renew my teaching contract for next year.”
Greg was gracious, and I was relieved that I’d finally spoken my choice aloud. But was it really the right thing to give up my unicorn of a teaching position?! Many ‘hagwons,” private academies in Korea, have poor working conditions, so I’d felt incredibly blessed to have such a great academy to teach at for the past two years.
However, a combination of circumstances for my husband and I suggested that perhaps this was the right time to move on.
The scary thing, though, was that I would try to start my own small teaching business, instead of working for another academy, and we’d see what unfolded for both of us.
Could I really be an entrepreneur? Somehow this felt like a more daunting decision than coming to Korea in the first place!
I had wrestled with the fear of giving up a secure job for something as risky as my own business. Some days, the thought was exciting. I could really try to create something that suited the life I wanted. Other days, the thought was nerve-wracking. What if everything went wrong?
A friend shared a great analogy she’d heard: Choices are like hats, haircuts, and tattoos.
Some choices are less consequential and more quickly, easily adjusted, like hats. Other choices feel more significant, and may take more time to deal with if you don’t like the outcome, like haircuts. Some choices, like tattoos, have further-reaching consequences and should be made more carefully. Yet you’re not stuck forever with a hat, a haircut, or even a tattoo. If I tried something and found it didn’t work, I could make changes.
“And what do you feel God is leading you to do?” my parents asked later during a video call, as I caught them up on my inner back-and-forth.
“I don’t feel God is pointing in one specific direction this time,” I confessed. “I don’t think there’s one right answer.”
As a Christian, my highly-mobile and multicultural life had always been connected in some way with God’s leading. So, what should I do if I didn’t have a clear sense of exactly what God wanted for me next? Even if the hat/haircut/tattoo metaphor was helpful in bolstering courage for decision-making, wasn’t there still a best choice?
The following week, I found myself reading the Bible book of Esther. This famous story of a queen who saves her people is also well-known for being the only biblical book where the name of God does not appear.
As I read through the story, it struck me that God never offers explicit direction.
For example, when Mordecai entreats Esther to use her position to help her people, he says, “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14) He makes this assumption based on the circumstances and his faith, but God does not directly confirm that He did, indeed, place Esther in the palace for such a time as this.
Esther, her maids, and the Jews of the city all fast and pray for three nights, as Esther makes the risky decision to go uninvited to the king’s inner court and plead her case.
However, there is no record that God confirms what Esther should do. No prophet appears; there are no dreams or visions; there is no note in the story that Esther felt a deep, inner knowing. She simply makes a courageous choice and moves forward.
And God works it all out.
As I sat pondering the story in the context of my own decision making, it occurred to me that sometimes we don’t need perfect clarity. Sometimes we just need to make a choice, and work out the results with God as we go along. Even if He doesn’t make everything as clear as we might wish, we can be sure He is working behind the scenes.
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So, friend, please remember me and pray for me as I take a step forward in this new direction of entrepreneurship.
Are you facing a choice? Are you wishing that God would show you a perfectly clear map of what to do next?
I hope the experience of Esther encourages you, as it did me. God is with us, and God is working.
Until next time,
Lynette
P.S. If you’ve been in this position before — whether starting your own business, or making a choice without total clarity — I’d love to hear about it. What helped you take that step?
June Things
Apart from figuring out what my future teaching could look like, and balancing the responsibilities of my current job, we’ve had a few little adventures this month too!
We took a trip to a botanical garden to enjoy the summer greenery before it gets too hot.
I enjoyed being part of the launch team for this lovely devotional-memoir for cross-cultural women. The stories were so relatable, and the author encourages us to see God’s goodness in the ordinary moments of life abroad, as well as the bigger challenges. You can find out more here.
We also braved the heat to visit an open-air drama set that has been a part of numerous historical K-dramas and a few K-pop MVs. It was fun to wander around freely and spot some familiar backdrops.
I can’t believe June is already over!
Thank you for being here, friend. Feel free to pass this on to someone it might encourage!
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