Apparently, next week is about to be a doozy. Especially February 17. The Lunar New Year is happening, the Year of the Snake wraps up and the Year of the Fire Horse begins. Plus, there’s a solar eclipse that same day. AND Ramadan begins. Across faiths, it is a day of note so lemme just manage myself. It’s giving “It might be intense.” 😅
But yeah. Let’s get into it. 👇🏾
One of the WORST parts of internet culture is this: you share how much you LOVE something, and someone crawls out of the digital woodwork to tell you how much they HATE it. Unprompted. Uninvited. Unnecessary.
The constant exchanging of disagreeing energy has gotten worse than it’s ever been. Like, WAY worse. 😒
You post about a book you love. Someone replies, “Eh, I couldn’t get into it.” You share your excitement about a new restaurant. Here comes somebody: “Overrated.” You celebrate a personal milestone and some stranger wants to temper your enthusiasm with their lukewarm take. People feel like they NEED to disagree now, even when they actually agree. It’s become a sport.
Folks are miserable and wanna fling it at everyone. Why is someone else’s happiness a prompt for your pessimism? Some folks are using their free will to be dckheads on the internet for no reason and that is such a waste of life. 😤
What is really wild is when I shared this observation on Threads, somebody came behind me and said, “So just get a journal.” That’s like saying, “If you don’t want people to be assholes, don’t go outside.” 🙄
That gag is that a lot of the people who are constantly throwing madness at strangers on the internet are just exhibiting deep loneliness. People just want to exchange energy because they need some sort of validation that somebody sees them, even if it looks like somebody throwing trash at you in the comments.
When someone is celebrating and full of joy? When someone is genuinely moved by a moment that meant something to them? The absolute LEAST we can do is let them have it.
And if we can’t celebrate WITH them? We can be quiet. Sit with your feelings.
People gotta go invest in some real friendships cuz when you’re less lonely, you have less time for cruelty. Which brings me to...
I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately about friendship and community. Real conversations. The kind where you put the phone down, look someone in the eye, and say “How are you ACTUALLY doing?”
I’ve been sitting with how deeply grateful I feel because of how amazing my people are. The ways we’ve seen each other through some of the depths of life. The ways we push each other. The way we can kiki one second and be having a deep conversation about spirituality and healing the next. My friends have helped me heal parts of myself I didn’t even know were wounded. They have stood in the gap for me when I didn’t have the strength to stand for myself.
And that is WEALTH. 🥹
Here’s the truth: if you’re not lonely, you’re less of a dckhead. I mean it. If your group chats are popping, you don’t have time to be a killjoy on the internet. If you feel held by the people in your real life, you won’t have to be constantly dehydrated (PARCHED) for validation from random strangers online.
Friends (and our community) are our wealth because not only do they insulate us, they keep us in check. If your friends see you cutting up online in a way that doesn’t make no sense, they’re gonna tap on you and be like, “Excuse me, what you doing?” 👀
When I see people acting a complete donkey online, I’m always asking the same question: who are your friends? Like, WHO are your friends?
And when you even think about the world right now, you realize villains don’t have real friends.
Think about all the billionaires who we are now seeing spiral. They have all the money in the world but they don’t have community. Every day, Elon Musk has been crashing out on Twitter and making the robot he built (Grok) his bestie because the richest man in the world is miserable. All the money in the world and he can afford EVERYTHING but cannot find joy because he lacks love (platonic or otherwise). That man is desperate for friends.
Some of the biggest problems we have in this world come from people’s lack of friendship. If you have good friends who you know care about you, you’re probably not going to be evil. And even with money? Without community, it’s all empty. You can make all the money in the world. Who are you spending it with? Who are you spending it ON?
You’re talking about generational wealth? Community IS part of that.
People who are doing all this yelling on the internet? They’re probably worried that there will be very few people at their funerals. And instead of sitting with that, they’re out here using their free will to act crazy. Go be a good friend and go GET some friends. 🗣️
Your circle might be small. That's OK. Small and solid beats big and shaky every single time. The people who show up for the boring parts of your life, the hard parts, the "I don't know what I'm doing" parts? Those are your people. ❤️
There are times when I open a book and it’s so good that I devour it in an entire day.
The latest book I did that with, KIN by the BRILLIANT, New York Times bestselling author, Tayari Jones, which drops on February 24. And lemme tell you, this book is sublime. Layered. Funny. Human. Heartbreaking. Aching. This is storytelling at its absolute best.
It follows two “cradle friends” from Louisiana whose lives take wildly different paths, and the way Tayari writes about friendship, motherhood, identity, and the American South? It will have you in your feelings in the best way possible. 🥹
It is SO good.
Pre-order KIN right now so you get it the moment it’s available →
And if you’re in CHICAGO? 👀👀👀 Join me on Sunday, March 8 as I moderate a conversation with Tayari Jones about KIN! The event is at Wilson Abbey, co-presented by Women & Children First and Zora’s Place.
Tayari’s previous book An American Marriage was an Oprah’s Book Club pick, won the Women’s Prize for Fiction, and was on Barack Obama’s reading list. So yeah. Come through. Bring a friend. Bring your WHOLE book club.
Grab your tickets for the Chicago event here →
What’s the last book you could not put down once you opened it?
Hit the comments below and tell me. I wanna hear it. 💛
With love and energy,
P.S. On Sunday, I had 3,800 posts on my Instagram. Today, I’m down to 28 🤯. I felt the urge to start fresh because radical growth sometimes requires shedding. I’m in what I call the messy middle right now. What does not feel aligned must not come with me.
I’m thinking about starting a series on my Substack called “The Messy Middle” where I chronicle what I’m thinking, dealing with, and even deleting. We often talk about the MESS once we’re past it. What if we share the ugly while we’re in the midst? If you’re interested in following the MESSY MIDDLE, comment and lemme know. 💫
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