It’s Friday, and the world might be on fire but tomatoes are very good this year, aren’t they? Even though, like everything else in the supermarket, they cost a fortune. Also, I had a lovely pear the other day but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We must not speak of autumnal fruits until at least September, when it’s time to stock up on Stacey Solomon at Asda boucle pumpkin doorstops, which, strangely enough, cost fuck all.
Anyway, this week, the bargain bucket is bursting with tomato-themed merchandise. Who knew there were so many pointless gifts for the nightshade lover? Tomatoes, like sardines and oranges, obviously represent a certain Mediterranean chic - or maybe they’re just easy to draw. I mean, they’re just round, red balls. Not even the internet can’t get that wrong, can it?
Hmm, let’s see, shall we…🍅

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