Pillow Slips

Fish and guests in three days are stale. (John Lyly, Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit, 1579)

I recently realized that I am apparently a mediocre houseguest. I just spent a few days visiting someone else’s home, and I’m ashamed to say that during the rush to pack when my stay was over, I forgot to strip the bed—breaking one of the major etiquette rules for being a good visitor. (Of course, I was staying with family, so I got a pass on being thoughtless, and I’ll most likely be invited back.)

But when I realized what I had done—or not done, rather—I got curious about the exact etiquette guidelines for handling the linens after a visit. And I learned that I’ve been doing it wrong for a number of years.

According to Real Simple (14 House Guest Etiquette Rules), a guest should not only strip the sheets, they are supposed to place them in the used pillowcase that is then left at the foot of the bed. Who knew? I’d never heard the bit about putting anything inside the pillowslips, and I was curious enough to do more research. I found out that the custom of doing so started in about 2010. So I’ve been remiss for at least that long.

Learning of my missteps, of course, made me wonder what other guidelines have changed over the years. So I couldn’t resist a peek into my collection of antique etiquette manuals to see how houseguest visits were handled in the past, and then I looked up some current etiquette rules for the same situations. Here are a few of the questions and answers that stood out:

Past: The “house party may mean a visit of ten days, or two weeks duration, or even longer. It is necessary, therefore, for the hostess to mention specifically the dates deciding the length of the visit…. Any other plan is embarrassing to both hostess and guest since neither can make plans for the future until she finds out what the other intends to do” (Book of Etiquette, Lillian Eichler, 1922).

Present: Make your visit short and sweet. “Generally keep your visit to no more than three nights” (How to Be a Good Houseguest -- Emily Post). “Clear expectations make things easier for hosts and their guests. Iron out basic details like arrival and departure dates well ahead of your stay. You don’t have to have everything scheduled down to the hour, but your host should at least know how many days you’ll be staying with them” (7 Things Every Houseguest Should Do).

Past: The “good-natured and hospitable host and hostess will put at the disposal of their guests their entire house and grounds, including their books, horses, cars, tennis courts and golf links. The duty of the guest is to avail himself of these privileges with delicacy, neither abusing them nor hesitating to use them at all” (Book of Etiquette, Lillian Eichler, 1922).

Present: “Never use your host’s phone, computer, or any other equipment without asking” (How to Be a Good Houseguest -- Emily Post).

Past: The hostess should stipulate ahead of time “whether women guests might be accompanied by their personal maids and men by their valet, chauffeur and, if shooting was on the agenda, their personal loader” (Wise Words and Country House Ways, Ruth Binney, 2012).

Present: “It’s never a good idea to show up…with a pet, child, significant other, or friend (even if it’s a mutual friend) in tow, unless you’ve cleared it with your host beforehand” (14 House Guest Etiquette Rules).

Past: “One of the most difficult guests to entertain is one who is particular about his eating…the guest if he can should eat what is set before him. If this is impossible he may speak quietly with his hostess…and make special arrangements for food he can eat. This is excusable if he is on a diet prescribed by a physician but not if he is simply expressing a fastidious preference” (Book of Etiquette, Lillian Eichler, 1922).

Present: “If you need any specific accommodations from your host during your stay (i.e. allergies, dietary restrictions, special needs), let them know before you arrive” (7 Things Every Houseguest Should Do).

Past: There are “numerous little services the hostess must provide for her visiting guests. Scissors, thread and needles should be in one of the dressing-table drawers; stationery, pens, ink, and a calendar should be in the writing desk. Books, chosen especially for the occupant, should be scattered about. The thoughtful hostess will make a round of the rooms before the arrival of the guests and make sure that every need is attended to” (Book of Etiquette, Lillian Eichler, 1922). (Lucinda’s Note: the Eichler book is too delicate to mention toiletries, but I’m sure the servants who drew the baths had those covered as well.)

Present: Guests should “bring your own toiletries” (How to Be a Good Houseguest -- Emily Post), and it will “reduce the burden on your gracious host” if you arrive ready with a list of “ideas of things you might want to do or see—or even where you might want to eat” (14 House Guest Etiquette Rules).

Past: “Generally speaking, the hostess bears all of the expenses of the guest while she is in her home but special services such as laundry work, pressing, etc., may be paid for by the guest herself” (Book of Etiquette, Lillian Eichler, 1922).

Present: “A good host will likely make sure you’ve always got something to eat and drink while you’re staying with them. Before you leave, it’d be a great idea to replace some of the items you consumed during your stay and help restock your host’s pantry” (14 House Guest Etiquette Rules). It is also recommended that a guest “Bring or send a gift, or treat your host to a night out” (How to Be a Good Houseguest -- Emily Post).

Past: There are “some guests who have a tact of perception, an ease and poise of manners, a savoir faire and calm, kind disposition that makes them welcome everywhere. They are never petty, never disagreeable, never quarrelsome, never grouchy. It is a pleasure to include them in a house party—and they are invariably included” (Book of Etiquette, Lillian Eichler, 1922).

Present: “If you’ve ever hosted family or friends for an extended stay, you know just how refreshing a well-behaved, respectful, game, and grateful house guest is—and how exhausting a not-so-awesome one can be” (14 House Guest Etiquette Rules). So, you should always “show that you’re enjoying yourself” (How to Be a Good Houseguest -- Emily Post).

Almost all of the etiquette guidelines above involve the use of what was simple common sense for the time period involved. So as long as you are attentive to the needs of your host and hostess, you should be fine—even if you don’t remember the precise instructions on how to strip the bed.

Have you had a good or bad experience with a houseguest? Let me know at Contact – Lucinda Gerlitz.

I recently entered a writing contest because it promised professional feedback on the all-important first ten pages of my work in progress (WIP). The first judge enjoyed my writing, but the second judge gave me a seven out of ten score simply because there was “no sign of a murder” in my double-spaced opening pages. In other words, he/she was looking for the murder to occur in what would be the first five pages of a printed novel.

Now, I like to write mysteries that begin with developing the characters and have the murder occur a bit later, after showing that several of the suspects have motives. So that seemed a bit harsh. But Sisters in Crime has had an ongoing discussion of when the first body should drop in a cozy, and the general consensus seems to be that for a debut author, the earlier someone is killed the better. (One person even said they wouldn’t buy a book if there was no dead body on page one.) Previously published authors were granted a bit more leeway, but a murder should still occur in at least the first third of the book.

I’ve taken this advice to heart for the next book in my series, and in my current WIP the corpse is discovered on page five of the manuscript. But I’m curious about my readers’ opinions. Do you like to have the death occur as early as possible, or do you prefer to have a bit of plot development first? Let me know at Contact – Lucinda Gerlitz.

The only other news I have for this month is that my debut novel, Manners or Mayhem, is now scheduled to be released in the fourth quarter of 2026. And as always, if you know anyone who might be interested in signing up for my email list to stay informed on when the book will be out, please pass along my opt-in information at: Join my mailing list | Lucinda Gerlitz.

I love having my readers get in touch. You can drop me a private note anytime on my contact page at Contact – Lucinda Gerlitz.

For this month’s nature picture, I have a flashback to Colorado snow, which I really, truly miss.

I hope you all have a great month and a Happy Halloween!