Cultural Collision

Culture shock is a state of disorientation that can come over anyone who has been thrust into unknown surroundings, away from one’s comfort zone. (Eagen and Weiner, CULTURE SHOCK! China: A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette)

Several years ago, when I was working for IBM, a member of the team we were partnered with in Japan came to visit our division in the USA. We stood in line to introduce ourselves. When he came to me, the only woman in the room, and I offered my name and a handshake, he abruptly turned around and walked off without acknowledging my existence in the slightest.

I’m not sure which of us experienced the most culture shock at that moment. He obviously had not expected to work with a woman—much less one who spoke to him—while I was surprised he had not been forewarned that American women held positions equal to men and were allowed to speak to them.

Of course, this was in a time period when few Japanese women held professional jobs. And even those who did were supposed to get married by a certain age and were “expected to automatically quit their jobs” upon marriage (Diana Rowland, Japanese Business Etiquette).

Women’s roles in Japanese business have changed greatly since then, although “to this day women in higher positions in Japan are still not the norm” (2025 Update: The Role of Women in the Japanese Business World! - Japan Consulting Office).

I was thinking about that interaction recently because my husband bought me several of the CULTURE SHOCK! series of etiquette books for Christmas, and I’ve been dipping into them to find unique protocol tips for visiting other countries. I thought I’d share a few of the tidbits that I found interesting.

From Culture Smart! Russia by Mary Habibis

1. The Russian language has no word for privacy. They have “less need for personal space than the Americans…This is reflected in the way people barge through crowds in subways or board buses and trains.”

2. Giving advice to complete strangers, “whether foreign or Russian,” is a Russian habit. So, visitors should “be prepared for a shower of advice” from random people encountered on the streets.

3. Traditionally, Russians do not smile at strangers, since “To do so might be regarded as a sign of stupidity.”

From Culture Shock! Germany by Richard Lord

1. When in Germany, you should never rest against someone’s car. “Cars are considered near sacred” and to do so is disrespectful.

2. You should never give a German a birthday present before the actual birthday. It is believed to cause bad luck, since it would be “tempting the fates.”

3. Giving business gifts in Germany is a “very, very tricky matter” requiring extremely careful instincts, or Fingerspitzengefuhl (literally ‘fingertip feeling’). Civil servants are forbidden from taking even a ballpoint pen from government contractors as gifts are considered a bribe, which they find “demeaning and indecent.” However, Germans “are also humans” and like to receive gifts of appreciation for a job well done. It takes great skill to negotiate this divide.

From Culture Shock! China by Eagen and Weiner

1. The Chinese may offer you food and drink multiple times. If you really want to refuse, you must do so at least three times in order for it to be accepted.

2. “Chinese people have a strong tradition of drinking alcohol” and your host will view it as his duty to get you drunk at “a festival, a wedding, or a business function.” Never try to drink your host “under the table: your desire to avoid losing face will never be as great as theirs.”

3. Never give a Chinese citizen a clock as a gift. It is considered unlucky and can be interpreted as “to wish someone death.”

Readers seem to enjoy the etiquette quizzes I’ve posted in past newsletters, so I thought I’d start including one question a month to test your knowledge. This month’s question was inspired by a game of etiquette trivia called Mind Your Manners, which was produced by the Emily Post Institute. The answer appears below.

QUESTION:

Your best friend has changed apartments four times in the last five years and has held a housewarming party every time. Does that go against the rules of etiquette?

A. Yes. It’s a gift grab and in poor taste.

B. No. It’s okay, even if it’s an apartment and not a house.

C. No. It’s fine, as long as different guests are invited every time.

ANSWER:

B – No. It is perfectly fine to have a housewarming gathering for every move, no matter whether it is to a house or an apartment. And the same guests can be invited each time.

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How did you do on the quiz? Drop me a line at Contact - Lucinda Gerlitz and let me know.

I hope you all had wonderful holidays! It looks like 2026 is going to be an eventful year. I’m excited that I will have an actual book coming out in the fall, but I have a steep learning curve ahead of me to get ready for it.

First of all, I will be responsible for doing almost all of the marketing of my book, and I’m just getting a grasp on what that will entail. I will be participating in podcasts, arranging blog tours, setting up a launch party and/or personal appearances, and preparing graphics for a social media campaign.

For those of you who know me, that’s all going to be a bit of a stretch, given that I’m an introvert who would struggle to sell kitty litter to a cat rescue.

Because of that, I am now taking a class in Book Marketing Magic (with the terrific Laurie Schnebly-Campbell as an instructor) to discover what types of marketing will suit me best. I also signed up for a mentoring program through the Atlanta Writers Club, where I will work with a published author to learn how to build an audience for my debut novel. The program lasts for nine months, so I should be well prepared when Manners or Mayhem is released.

I don’t want to lose sight of writing my next book in the middle of all this (especially since that’s the fun part), so right now I am also active in the Sisters in Crime ‘January Jumpstart’, which involves establishing writing goals and attending write-ins. Plus, I’ve signed up for short classes on outlining and plot twists.

Finally, I need to decide if I am going to attend a writer’s conference this year. I’m torn between going to Killer Nashville again or flying to Washington DC to attend Malice Domestic. So if you have any experience with either conference, shoot me a note and tell me which one you would recommend.

As you can see, my new year is going to be pretty busy. How does yours look? You can drop me a note anytime on my contact page at Contact - Lucinda Gerlitz and let me know.

For my usual animal picture, here is one of my sister’s new cat, Christie, who looks so much like my Izzie that they could be twins: