A Month of Making Love

What happens when you and your lover decide to make love every day for a whole month?

I wanted to know, so we did it and documented it.

Expect sex (obviously), magic, trauma and some drugs if you continue… Most of the post is free, but when it gets to the daily diary entries then paid subscribers get the entire month to enjoy.

My husband and I have been together for 6 years now, and like all long-term relationships, we have moved through seasons of hot eroticism, seasons that feel dry and disconnected, seasons of playfulness, seasons of kinkiness… as well as times where we’ve been ‘open’ (aka dating others) and times where we’ve intentionally closed.

Desire and Libido are fluctuating things, and a challenging thing over the years with a lover is when patterns start to get ingrained, stories form about how we percieve ourselves and each other, and how we can lack discipline over time as other things in our lives take priority.

I have been working with couples for about 8 years now, so not only do I have my own relationships as a lab to understand desire and eros in relationship, but I get to see many dynamics up close and personal. I know what is common, what is ‘normal’ and also the potential of what relationships and eroticism can be when both partners really explore and prioritise their lovership. I have studied Tantra, conscious sexuality, kink, eroticism and all things sex and love for over 15 years now too, so I have more than a few tools in my toolkit.

We created this guide with our 9 principles for Sacred Relating, which we based the retreat we ran during this month on actually!

Download it for free here

I’ll be honest, at the start of this challenge we were in quite an erotic lull. Triss had been on and off sick for well over a month, so we had barely had any intimacy in that time and the various illnesses were impacting his energy and mental health, and ongoing before that we were often having some tensions around frequency of eroticism. I have quite a high sex drive, and my ideal is to be having erotic connection at least 3 times a week. Triss was pretty content with once a week and we’d butt heads about it every now and then, and often I would feel powerless (the one who says no more holds the power) and he would feel pressured and anxious (the one who says no can also feel not enough and guilty).

I had been working for quite some time on ‘equanimity’ and accepting what is. When I’d feel needy or under-sexed I’d either transmute the energy, move into solo practice or at times go on dates or to dance events where I could let some eros flow with others. I tried not to pressure, coerce or manipulate to get my desires met (I wouldn’t say ‘NEEDS’ here though it’s more common for people to start calling this a need. I think once a fortnight would be a NEED for me in a relationship, and above that is a preference). I think this is a super important step — that we can learn to be with what is, to accept our partner and their desire and meet our own needs as much as possible (consensually of course). Especially because being needy, leaky or desperate tends to pressure and then turn off a partner with lower desire even more, so it’s a great way to have lots of arguments and hurt feeling. So, I got pretty good at being ok with having less intimacy than I desired and accepting what was on offer…

BUT…

I also know how much more connected, secure, resourced and happy I am when I am having more sex. I could be ok with what I was getting, but it wasn’t making me thrive. I didn’t have much desire for the complexity of open relating (and I rarely find anyone attractive in a romantic/erotic way) and I was wanting this specifically with my partner.

Also, I literally teach this stuff for my soul work/living, and I was wanting to stretch my skills and perspectives on eroticism, especially as I prepare to write my next book which is focused on couples and create some new couples courses. My inner muse needs inspiration and real life play.

I also knew there were some underlying patterns and stories playing out between me and Triss, some ways in which our lovemaking could use some improvement skills-wise (even after so many years of studying and workshops, I always love learning new techniques!) I felt that our sex was flatlining, like sure we have regular, deep, connected, lovely sex (better than what most people could probably dream of if I’m honest) but I knew there was more we could be tapping into, and I suspected one of the reasons we weren’t having more sex was because of some old stories that wanted healing.

We had tried a 1 week challenge before and made it 5/7 days… and I really wanted to take it further. So I had a conversation with Triss about it, challenged him to the month (knowing we had a pretty spacious February before travelling and being busy again where we’d have less time) and he accepted the challenge! So starting Feb 1st, we committed to a month of lovemaking.

We had many interesting conversations over the month about the why that was emerging and even deepening as we went on.

• We’re doing this to explore the potential of our eroticism (sometimes calling it ‘love lab’ to experiment with tools of intimacy and ecstacy)

• We’re doing this to heal some of these crunchy patterns that have been emerging over the years and to be sure they don’t continue in the same way with the same arguments

• We’re doing this because sex is fun and pleasure is good for you (I think thats a quote from the Ethical Slut?)

• We’re doing this because we are the kind of people who practice what we preach

• We want to find a way to experiment with how we can be authentic, connected and real in who we were each day and how we showed up, and find our way to bliss through whatever gateway was there

• It’s our sadhana (spiritual path) to work with eros and love so this is our yoga and work

These are a few ‘why’s’ that came through over the month that guided us and kept us motivated and disciplined even on the hardest days (because yeah, there were hard days!) While we had a lot of spaceous days we were also having very busy times (like running a 4 day retreat) and of course working with my cycle (and times where I’m really not horny) and my chronic illness where I have fluctuating pain and fatigue.

Then came the ‘how’, like, what are the rules here? What constitutes ‘making love’? What are we aiming for?

We’re not in the heterotypical patriarchal paradigm where only penis-entering-vagina counts. Our focus was authentic, genuine intimacy that is deeply consensual and real for both of us, and we’re both way too attuned to our bodies needs to overwrite a NO if our bodies are a no to penetration. So that idea was off the cards. We created our own minimum and definition that felt realistic and doable.

The minimum - 10 minutes of belly to belly breathing/sounding embrace. This is one of our all-time-favourite practices where you find a position to be in contact where your bellies are ideally touching and you breathe together with sounding on the exhale. It can get you into deep relaxation and co-regulation, so it’s a great minimum on days where you’re exhausted.

And what were we seeking? What ‘counts’? Well, it’s hard to define but we know ‘it’ when we feel ‘it’… the merging, the altered state of consciousness, the union… you could be fucking for an hour and not feel it, or deeply kissing for 5 minutes and get there. It’s the presence of Eros, the sweet bliss of going beyond the ordinary state of seperation. It’s honest and raw and beautiful. That is what we’re aiming to find our way to each day, using whatever tools or mediums we have at our disposal and whatever capacity we have.

We also decided around the time of starting this challenge to be monogamous not just for the challenge but for a year, as this challenge is just the start of a new chapter for us intimately.

So the arrangement was 1 month (28 days since it was Feb, but we actually did 29 because the 28th was a bit too flat for the finish) with a minimum of 10 mins belly breathing together a day, with the aim to drop into a state of Eros in whatever way worked or was desired.

We had also just bought a course late last year from the wonderful Kenneth Play called ‘Beyond Satisfied’ that we explored for some of the sessions, where there are guided videos for multiple orgasms, squirting, anal play and more! I hit him up for an affiliate because we found it so valuable and I wanted to be able to recommend it more to other couples who might be less confident with specific sexual skills. Check it out here!

When we started, I was in the fertile part of my cycle so it was easy. We also had lots of spaceousness. After a week, things started to get more challenging, but it went in waves depending on the day. During this time the Epstein files were released, so you get a peak into how that affected our connection, as well as how we managed that connection while co-teaching the retreat, packing and leaving Thailand later in the month (so ‘hard mode’)

I realised over that days that eroticism is a kind of biohacking - You’re currently in state A, you want to get to state B (Bliss, union, eros..) and you use whatever tools you need to change states… and thankfully I have a LOT of tools and rituals and practices after so many years in the sacred sexuality scene.

Many times, our intimacy encounters started very silly or weird. We are both Australian and culturally we tend to make jokes and avoid intimacy with humour a little too much, and we were aware at times when this was just our playfulness and how we connect, and times when this was avoidance and resistance. Usually, it would change rather fast into something steamy and hot. I kind of wish we had some videos of the sessions because the contrast was so fascinating.

Other times, we had arguments or tension emerging and had to somehow bring that into practice and alchemise it. This was the real yoga where we didn’t quit or bypass but stretched ourselves to hold both our love and frustration together and to let it move and express.

A big transmission was our intimacy being our sanctuary. Having this really profound feeling of sacredness of the space between us, the safety and incredible trust we have together, the rawness, the way we can alchemise it all into love together… relationship as sanctuary was really alive and something I want to write more about and even create offerings about because it was so alive.

Scheduling the time was something we often messed up, not planning ahead enough and leaving it until way too late at night. We discovered a long time ago we prefer intimacy in the mornings, and actually were listening to a podcast where they spoke about why biologically morning is the ideal time for sex (as far as hormones/energy) but alas we kept making the same mistake and more than I would have liked, we ended up doing the default minimum.

We found that the quality of our overall relationship improved dramatically. Our overall wellbeing was much better. We had less sharp moments in day to day communication (we run the business together which is usually where we clash more than anywhere else in our lives). Many of the stories and blockages healed over the weeks and we learned a lot about each other and ourselves in the process. Our sex became even more fun and passionate, there was a wave of ‘NRE’ vibes and kind of like a honeymoon feeling that came through. I felt fully met and overflowing, and met my own edges of how much sex I was actually wanting (usually feeling ‘I’m always up for it’ and having to really push myself some days to go there). And, we held each other through traumas, tensions and brought love and Eros to some challenging moments in a way that was very therapeutic and loving.

I journaled on our intimacy sessions each day as part of the project, and you can read them now to get a little insight into our dynamics. Some are more detailed than others (usually when I wrote right after, compared to others where I forgot for a day or two!). It will help you get a little taste of what it means to show up day after day and prioritise this connection.

Day 1.

Today was our postponed anniversary celebration, as Tristen had been sick and we had been busy with festivals and friends visiting, so we decided to move the celebration to a date where we could really show up for it. We blocked off the day in our calendar and started imagining some plans.

After a nice breakfast out, we had a relationship check-in. We read our wedding vows to each other and added parts that felt relevant for now. We reflected on the past year and what we hope for this coming year. We celebrated the stability we finally had and the spaciousness, and recognized some areas like our business and lovership had been put to the side and were ready to be prioritised again. We also made the decision to be monogamous for the next year as we channel all our erotic energy towards each other and our creations (not that we have been very active in non-monogamy anyway, but Triss felt the ‘what if’ to be an ‘energy leak’ and preferred we just be in or out)

After a lunch break and swim, we decided to finally log into an online sex course we bought a while ago and to do some of the modules. I have him an anal massage and he practiced some squirting techniques on me (that were very effective!). It was fun to do some very practical guided practices... its always interesting to learn new tips and techniques from sexperts!

We went out to dinner and desert, and were running low on energy but wanted to have a little more freestyle connection before bed, so we finished with an intimacy yoga practice that was very gentle, sensual and energetic, and interesting to explore.

It was a great start to our month of lovemaking!

Day 2.

I spent all day working my butt off... one of those hyper-productive almost-forgot-to-eat kinda days. When we got to the evening and Triss entered my room I felt a bit fried and numb and very unsexy.

We went to the bed together and he proposed that we have 10 minutes each to ask for something we want from the other. I started and because I felt so *bleh* I was inspired to ask for a body-percussion play, where basically he uses my body like drums and there is a lot of thudding and slapping to the rhythm of the music. It was great to have some more intense but grounding touch that let me wiggle and make sounds and release some tension. Towards the end of my time and having him do my back and front body, I asked for some of that touch on my vulva, which suddenly turned into me receiving oral and fingering until I came hard. Yum!

He was inspired to ask for the same, so I returned the favour.

It was short and impactful, it really helped me to come back to my body and feel inspired and alive again. It was a nice mix of fun and kinky, which usually goes down well for me. And it gave me some inspiration for our couples course around a range of tools that can help people switch vibes depending how they are feeling and how they want to feel!

Day 3.

Triss felt inspired to bring out the shibari ropes. We used to do quite a lot of rope but we’d barely touched them in years at this point! Mostly because I love receiving and giving sensual, devotional rope, but Triss doesn’t like being tied so much (and when he does, he wants it hard and intense), and wasn’t enjoying giving so much either. So I was happy when he suggested it.

We were going to follow a guided video, but it wasn’t what we expected, so instead we freestyled. At first it was more playful and light-hearted, I wasn’t feeling very turned on, but it was nice to just connect anyway.

Suddenly, at one point, I really felt him. His desire, his dominance… Time slowed and i started melting into a puddle in his touch. As I melted, he got more confident. He tied me in a reliable tie that we often come back to that is simple and effective, and his desire led him to fuck me as I melted.

It was an interesting mix with this experience because I had a lot of dark stuff on my mind with all the news of the Epstein files, so I was having some moments of struggling to let go as I thought of the huge collective wound around abuse of women, and some guilt/shame moments emerging where I was connecting with that shadow and doubting my own pleasure and desire. But, as I felt that contraction come, I looked at his eyes, told him I loved him and he said it back so sweetly, and I melted some more — knowing what we have is so profound and beautiful, and that even as we played with dominance and submission there is so much love and kindness infused in every spank and thrust.

(By the way if you didn’t know I have a Sensual Ropes online course where I teach shibari with a Tantric flavour!)

Day 4.

We had a full day with me going to water contact dance most the morning and us hosting a queer pool party with some friends in the evening, so I was not sure how we’d fit in the session. After lunch, Triss invited me for a ‘nookie and nap’ (I didn’t sleep well the night before!) and we had a simple yet delightful sexual play in his room that rolled into a nap for me before welcoming our guests. It felt natural, easy and playful while being soft and sensual.

Day 5.

This morning we had a set time for intimacy yoga. We’d been to bed late after the party and were late to meet, but we decided we wanted to still do at least 30 minutes of practice.

I’d seen our teachings post a demo of a practice we often do with a twist, bringing the communication practice ongoing into our sexual play (so not just sitting across from each other sharing what we see and feel with each other but actively moving into lovemaking while still expressing these things)

It was really beautiful to hear what was going on in our inner worlds as our bodies connected. It was romantic, passionate, sweet and at times primal. I struggled at times to articulate worlds, wanting to melt into the wordless bliss and loose myself, but keeping the sharing going even at the edge of myself was actually incredible. This was definitely ‘it’ and a potent experience that nourished us both on a real soul-level.

Day 6

I was feeling a bit inflamed and tired, I was sure it was going to be something chill today. At Sunset I came out of my room and saw Triss spinning his Dappo Star outside and decided to go join him. He offered me some weed and I decided to have some, hoping it’d also provide some help with the joint pain. We were agreeing to meet before dinner to play, after he did some cleaning, but we started making out at some point and it was ON. He lifted me onto the kitchen counter at first in the heat of passion, but since the cleaning had yet to be done (and therefore I ended up with vinegar on my kimono) we decided to meet in my room.

I love stoned sex, I have had sex on many drugs and I have to say, weed is up there as a favourite. I feel so sensitive, in the flow and horny. Its like every touch also becomes an image and sound, and I am SUPER energetically sensitive

We had some really sexy music playing, we danced together and made out passionately, and then he fucked me deliciously, bringing in some anal and energy sex until we were both squirming, shaking and blissed out

Day 7

There was a somatic relating workshop happening in the hotsprings, so we decided doing that together will be our intimacy session, since the rest of the day was quite full with a friend hangout and heading to the markets. We had some lovely practices of attuning to one another, holding space and co-regulating. I am absolutely obsessed with water dancing and love doing it with a partner, I am always trying to get Triss to join me for the water contact dance jams (but he isn’t so big on it) so i was grateful he joined me and was open to exploring more of this practice together. We had some beautiful moments flowing in the water together, and supporting one another.

At the end of this week period, we also reached the end of my fertile ovulation period. And yeah, it was quite an easy start to be doing the first week during kind of my peak ovulation phase. And yeah, we recognize that it’s kind of gonna get harder from here, but we laid some good foundations so far.

Day 8.

It was a Sunday, and we had a pretty relaxed day — our usual Sunday, which involved going out for breakfast, getting a massage and then coming back for lunch.

Towards the afternoon and evening, I was starting to feel very tired. I was feeling very flat, a little bit flared up/inflamed. We were discussing when we do the practice and what we should do. And I offered some suggestions to Tristen, things like doing a blindfold slow touch practice or maybe giving some very gentle body work. And one of the options was something a bit naughty, something that is a signature of ours, which I honestly feel a little bit shy to share here, but I will for the sake of transparency and honesty — which is to do the leftover ketamine that we had. Our signature move is 69ing on ketamine. As someone living with chronic pain, ketamine has been both therapeutic and fun, and is something we have reached for when we want to ‘party’ or have an experience, but I have too much pain or too low energy to get in the flow.

He went with that option, so that evening we set up the room and we brought out the small amount of ketamine that we had left over (that we’ve had with us actually since we lived on Koh Phangan, so over a year ago — so hopefully that shows that we’re not regular/big users)

We had a fairly big dose as it was the last of the bag, and it was quite psychedelic. It started out that we were very in our playful inner child giggly mode, we were hanging out and talking and being a bit silly, and we had to really consciously try to redirect the energy towards bringing in some pleasure and touch. At one point, Triss started to massage me and starts to go down on me, and it started really kicking in, it was very pleasurable and trippy and relaxing at the same time. It really helps my body to relax and at the same time feel really sensitive and really enjoy doing not much physical activity.

We eventually started getting into our usual mode of a very trippy delicious surrendered 69ing experience, and then the trippiness was actually getting a little too intense for me, I was really noticing body smells in a way which usually doesn’t bother me, but it was starting to distract me… and then my mind decided to start thinking about the Epstein files, I started having these darker thoughts creeping in, and I was getting really frustrated, I felt really violated that these thoughts and these kind of people were creeping into my erotic time with my partner, penetrating my sanctuary.

And it really made me have also more empathy for all the victims out there who must be struggling even more with this knowledge, and wondering how many other relationships it’s affecting, and how much secondhand trauma it’s bringing up in other bodies. It kind of felt like this black smoke, or this kind of web coming through, that felt like it was really encroaching on the experience I was having.

So eventually we broke out of the pleasure mode and came to just lay by each other and started sharing about the experience. I shared about what was going on for me and what was coming up, we were trying to find that balance of giving it space to be seen and heard, but also not going too into it and not spiraling out with it… Trying to keep coming back to this moment and our connection.

We ended up then just getting playful and hanging out a little bit more before he went to bed, and the eroticism didn’t return after that— but it still felt like an accomplished evening.

Day 9.

I was, again, not feeling great. I’m not quite sure what has been affecting me, if it’s just a typical histamine flare-up or something else. I rarely really know why my body rages against me sometimes, I just deal with it when it does.

We had a pretty busy work day for most of the day, having a meeting together and doing some work separately. And then we had a shorter period of time after Triss had a call for us to connect. We knew it wasn’t going to be a big one, because then I was going out to a cabaret pretty soon, so we just had about half an hour to connect. I had pretty low expectations.

We were both feeling pretty unsexy and pretty flat, so we started to just do a little bit of our practice of sharing desires and connecting with our breath and eye gazing, and trying to drop in together. We did a little bit of this Kundalini breathing that we like— but my back was hurting, so I wanted to lay down, then he wanted to lay with me. We continued a little bit of a energy circuit, breathing up and down through each other’s central channels. I started feeling the Eros coming, I started feeling this flow and this connection starting to creep in.

But— then the pillow that we’re on was too squishy, and it was in the way. We lost ‘it’ as we had to reshuffle and then it felt like the energy just completely collapsed in on itself — the moment had passed and we didn’t really find our way back into the connection.

This actually led us to an interesting conversation around what is the goal? What are we actually seeking here when we’re talking about lovemaking or intimate moments? What is that quality? Or how do we know if we’ve achieved it or not? We were speaking of this flow state and this feeling of surrender and rapture and the blurring of the self and this essentially altered state of consciousness— like, that’s what I’m really seeking— Which is a non ordinary state where we really drop in, a felt sense or quality when Eros is there, when there is this merging in this really deeper sense… In my article on becoming an erotic connoisseur I speak about it too in the context of temple nights and erotic spaces, how it’s either ‘it’ or it’s ‘not it’… there’s either this quality of eros and depth and magic that emerges, or it can feel like people are just going through the sexual motions and it feels a bit more like a house party of people hooking up. We recognised how sometimes we might even connect and there might even be penis and vagina sex, but it might feel a little bit more mechanical or shallow, it might be fun but it doesn’t really have that depth that I really crave.

Day 10.

So I woke up really flared up. Definitely something is up and my body is being in a lot of pain so we had low expectations for today. We were going to meet for a longer morning practice, but I was feeling very not good in the morning, so we said we would see how the day goes and aim for later in the night. I took a lot of my typical anti-inflammatory must-haves and rested for a lot of the day. We met before bed, and we started to connect, and we were lying down together bringing in a little touch… and then there was a trigger.

I nipped Triss, and his body did not like that, and somehow it ended up spiraling into quite an intense debate where we were both feeling quite defensive and triggered around who was right or wrong in that moment— a classic tension between sensitivity versus wanting to express freely, and it really shut us down. It would have been easy to quit then, but I was quite stubborn, because I felt the last two nights we didn’t really get into that flow state that I was speaking of yesterday, I didn’t want this to just be like, okay, we cuddled and we got a bit triggered and whatever, it just isn’t in the flow today— There was a determined part of me who wanted to alchemize this and use our practices and use our tools to transmute it.

So, we eventually set up, sat across from each other, did some of our embodied communication practices and breathing together and felt our walls coming down a little bit, and more vulnerability emerged as we were able to see and feel each other deeper. Then, I eventually invited Triss to lay back down with me to cuddle, and as we’re cuddling I did start feeling that there was still some desire coming through, and I asked if Triss was open to still alchemizing and transforming this into pleasure. He expressed that he was still in a bit of a freeze, so he got up and moved his body a little bit to break him out of that and came back, and I started offering him some devotional loving touch and started stoking the fire and bringing some arousal. It built up very slowly, it was very careful and considerate, and then suddenly the fire was there and even to my surprise we ended up having a beautiful penetrative sex session that left me with a delicious screaming orgasm and feeling really satisfied. We felt both quite proud of ourselves that we did manage to get out of the trigger and back into our erotic connection, and that the tools were working.

Day 11.

While I was less flared up for most of the day, I started to dip again by the evening after water contact dance then working all afternoon. My eyes were stinging from mascara, my nose was blocked and I was feeling my glute workout from the morning.

Oh, and we were watching videos about the Epstein files before dinner.

I definitely did not feel sexy and I had little to give.

We went through some low energy options to connect, and had the inspiration to do some orgasmic meditation. I never learned from the infamous ‘One taste’, but I have done a few variations in workshops. We put on some meditation music and had 10 minutes each.

I recieved first, and actually my pussy was feeling sore and stinging. It was hard to find the right place and pressure for the stroke, I have scar tissue from old piercings that often hurts when there is friction, and the night before we had started penetration when I was not 100% lubricated enough, so I felt my pussy a bit mad at me. It was not so much a pleasure experience so much as a discomfort meditation.

Triss enjoyed his more, we did both a longer stroke and the more typical frenulum stroke.

After, we cuddled and felt connected yet tired, shared our gratitude and went off to bed.

Day 12

We finally did the Revolutionary Sex Magic ritual together... I had been wanting to explore doing it partnered for a while, but since the ritual was pretty full-power (going into the shadow and transmuting to light) and we’d been quite low energy for the past days, it didn’t feel accessible. We finally took the opportunity to do it earlier in the day.

I felt a little more heady and frozen than I would have liked in the shadow part, I could name the patterns but it felt trickier to get into my actual rage and grief. I tried to ‘fake it til I make it’ and make some sounds and movements, and I touched the surface, but didn’t really go as deep as I had during the Grief/Rage ritual we did in Bali that Triss had facilitated.

It felt much easier to drop into the visioning of the future, of what we want to see and the quality of our allyship in creating that. We spoke our visions out loud and felt them, we let ourselves say the visions with erotic, flirty energy and excitement. We let that vision into our bodies and started to connect with pleasure and touch.

We started to stroke each other and breathe, activating and getting aroused. Eventually we moved into yab/yum position and kept breathing and kissing as we invited the energy to rise through our chakras, eventually moving to penetration when I was ready.

Around the throat my back was starting to hurt and I was fatiguing in the position, so we laid down and continued the final few chakras with self touch while staying connected.

We built up together, but since Triss is usually practicing non-ejaculation (only on special occasions) he decided focus on me as the vessel for sending out the intention, and he helped me over the edge as we both stayed connected to this loving world we are helping to midwife.

Day 13.

We were both feeling pretty flat and unmotivated today. There were plenty of opportunities for us to connect, but we didnt, even though we were at home most of the day. We got towards the evening and spoke to the low energy, and decided we would do our minimum today (belly2belly). As we got later in the night, we spoke a lot about politics and revolution and predators, and how we could do more to make positive change in the world. I spoke of the powerful feminine rage I was feeling around and through me.

By 9.30 I was ready to sleep, and I asked Triss to come up to bed with me so we could do our belly to belly. I wanted to make sure if we were doing the minimum, it wasn’t just going to be ‘spoon til we fall asleep’ but an actual focused practice even if it was short.

He ended up taking over half an hour to meet me, and I was really cranky and starting to yell for him to hurry up by the time he arrived. The mix of being now over-tired, impatient, in PMS time and still feeling the collective rage and frustration, resulted in me getting really cranky and snapping at him. I just wanted to sleep at this point, but I didnt want to fail the challenge. I snapped at him to put on music and take the reigns since he made me wait so long, and by this point I was activated and on the edge of tears.

We got into position, he set up his phone so music would play for 17 minutes then stop to mark our time up. He held me from behind and we started our belly breathing, slowly making more and more sound on our exhales. He appologised for making me wait and not being there as he held me.

I started to feel his caring presence, offering me the space to move my emotions. As I felt his love and care, I started to cry and release the tension with each breath. We entered into a trance together, our sounds harmonizing and vibrating together. Gently the frustration moved and I felt young, I felt the grief at all that is happening in the world and the powerlessness to do enough about it. I felt held and loved as I went there, the layer of freeze and distance from the pain lifting so I could just feel.

By the end of the 17 minutes, we felt sweet and deeply connected. Offering each other tiny kisses and gratitude’s, and I finally could drift off to sleep.

Day 14

Its my birthday! Triss slept over the night before (we usually sleep in separate rooms) but I woke energised earlier than him, so made my way downstairs for a tea and to say hi to the dogs. Eventually he came down and demanded me to come back up to bed😉

It was playful, passionate and devotional. He asked me to speak my desires and I did a few times but I was so enjoying the flow as it was. He kissed me all over, telling me all the things he loves about my body as he went. He pleasured me and fucked me and it was the perfect way to start my day! And great to get it flowing early because I had friends coming over all afternoon for my birthday. Usually I run play parties for my birthday, but most of my friends were at a festival, and not many people in my current town are into play spaces, so it was a regular party with my eroticism private and just with my beloved, in true monogamous style ;P