I turned 41 on Sunday, and when I look back at the last decade, the thing that surprises me most is that I feel healthier now than I did ten years ago.
My thirties were wonderful, but they were also a grind. I was building a business from the ground up while having babies, trying to have babies, recovering from having babies, and trying to keep all the plates spinning at once. I ran on adrenaline and not nearly enough sleep, and my body kept showing up simply because it had to.
I don’t regret a single one of those years. But I was depleted in a way that took me a long time to name.
Now I have more energy than I’ve had in years. Some of that is just the cumulative effect of taking care of myself. More protein, better sleep habits, discovering Pilates, and walking consistently. Nothing about it is exactly groundbreaking or dramatic. It was just the little things, repeated every day, until they added up and became a part of my life.
The bigger shift, though, has been in my mind. Somewhere over the last couple of years, I started caring far less about what other people think and far more about what actually matters to me.
I’ve been able to cut the extras. I know who I am now in a way I didn’t at thirty. As a mother, a creative, as Syd’s partner in life and in this thing we’ve built. I don't spend nearly as much time circling decisions anymore. More often than not, I find myself just jumping in.
I won’t pretend the forties have been all ease. This has been a year of aging parents, a child with oft debilitating health challenges, hard phone calls, and the kind of news you brace yourself for. I’ve felt every bit of it.
Oddly enough, though, I think all of that has changed me in good ways. Ways that have bent me toward the light, not away from it.
It’s all made me softer. More easily moved, more empathetic (perimenopause is surely part of this too, welcome to forty!) I don't feel like I have life figured out. In fact, I feel the opposite. But I've lived long enough now to understand that everyone is carrying something, and I find myself feeling with people in a way I don't think I could have ten years ago.
The other thing is that it lit a fire under me. For years I’ve said I’ll take that trip, plan that adventure, do that thing I’ve been dreaming about, all when the timing is right. This year, though, I finally understood there may never be a “right” time, so we are making time now while we have it. It was, frankly, an expensive twelve months. We traveled more than we ever have. We booked the big family trip I’ve been talking about forever but kept filing away for later.
Because at some point you start doing the math on how many summers your kids are still under your roof, and “later” stops sounding like a plan and starts sounding like a gamble.
When Syd and I sat down years ago to dream about the life we wanted, it was just the two of us, our laptops, and a wildly fluctuating amount of confidence. We had no idea what the next ten years would hold. Some of those goals we've reached. Others feel closer than ever. But now I finally get to walk toward all of it feeling steadier, healthier, and more like myself than I ever have.
If forty was the doorway, forty-one is the year I finally stopped standing in it.
The hottest week of the year demanded a good pair of shorts and cute tee.
Recommitting to my LED mask.
Still one of my favorite pairs of earrings.
And one last summer treat for ya.
Love,
Shea
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