This story begins a year ago, when we toured Scotland. We remembered how much we enjoy being in the country, having space, not having our eyes cluttered with buildings. When we came back, we both felt meh about being Lisbon. It’s messy, dirty, busy. You know, a city.
At that time, we suggested to some friends that we find some rural land in the country, we build small homes and a communal dining/relaxing/board game playing room. There was some interest, but the timing was all wrong.
Since then we’ve idly talked about moving to the country ourselves (too isolating), having a second house in the country (as cheap as land is there, it still was too expensive), and moving to the suburbs. The burbs would be a great option, except Portugal doesn’t really do suburbs.
All of this was refreshed for me in January, when I visited my Dad in Connecticut. First, I got to see snow. I really enjoy snow. I don’t like the cold, but the snow is so pretty. And the neighborhoods just felt so incredibly right. I felt like I was home.
So when David Grenache’s blog post came out in mid-April, I felt heard. It made me think about who I want to be / think I’ll be for the next five years. And that person leads me away from Portugal, simply because I’d like to be able to design my garden, watch Josie hanging out outside, volunteer in more places than just the church, live a less frantic life, maybe even audit a class. I’d love to do all those things. But I can’t do them here.
No, there is nothing wrong with Portugal. I love living in Portugal. I can’t beat our perfect apartment, our many friends and communities. But, I feel I’m moving from one period in my life to the next.
Discussing the blog post with Scott, he said he’d only move back if the house we left in St. Louis became available. So about three weeks ago I emailed our realtor and asked her to let us know if it ever came back on the market. She never responded. Weird, I thought, and moved on.
Until lucky May 13 came and I’m idly checking Facebook. A truly good friend of ours had posted: Hey, the house next door to us is for sale. Who wants to be our neighbor?
Huh.
Naturally I messaged Scott. I suggested that we talk when he gets back.
We both studied sociology and social psychology. From that background, we use the scale of -100 (absolutely positively no) to +100 (absolutely positively yes). 0 is completely neutral. We find it a more accurate way to measure things.
Scott’s number on the stay (-100) / go (+100) scale was -45. Mine was +30.
The next morning Scott was +30, and I’d moved to +90. Throughout the next couple of days I vacillated wildly between -30 to +90, sometimes from one minute to the other. The more I learned about the house and the community the more I settled in at about +90. Scott, eventually joined me in the quite positive territory. Looks like we’re moving!
All that, in two days.
I have absolutely loved being in Lisbon, being in Portugal. I am a very different person from the woman who landed in Lisbon in June of 2022. I’m more confident. Living
1. In a city
2. In a foreign country
3. Where I don’t really speak the language
has made me more aware of how adaptable I am and how much I can take on and stay calm. Speaking of which, I’m much calmer and more patient now. I am embracing the ability to choose whether or not to be upset by something. And I do a great job of not evaluating myself based on how someone reacts to something I say or do. As long as I feel good about what I’ve said or done, then it’s on them if they react poorly. It’s not my job to manage their feelings.
Would I love it here if I stayed? Absolutely. Will I love it there? Absolutely. So it comes down to what fits me best for the next chapter in my life.
That’s all for now,
Amy
PS If you know of anyone who might be interested, here’s the ad for our apartment.
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