Are some relationships beyond repair? What makes a couple miserable? Can the right sex party can heal your marriage? Paul and Eli pop some bubbly and sample the charcuterie in Olivia Wilde’s The Invite, her 2026 masterpiece starring Seth Rogan, Penélope Cruz, Edward Norton, and Wilde herself.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:35: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
3:10: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
4:20: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
7:25: (Paul) It’s not inevitable for relationship quality to decline over time
How relationship satisfaction changes within and across romantic relationships study by Dr. Bühler
Patterns of change in marital satisfaction over time study by Dr. Lavner
Curiosity and intimacy study by Dr. Kashdan
10:40: (Eli) When we’re accustomed to having our needs ignored, having somebody pay generous attention feels profound
Perceived partner responsiveness review by Dr. Reis
Simone Weil observation: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity”
13:10: (Eli) Some relationships are sufficiently corroded that simply learning better relationship skills (a compliment, a reboot, etc.) is unlikely to help much
Skills training has tiny effects report by Dr. Hsueh
Esther Perel observation (echoed by the Penélope Cruz character): “Today in the West most of us are going to have two or three significant long-term relationships or marriages. And some of us are going to do it with the same person.”
18:15: (Paul) The problem for Joe and Angela isn’t the individuals; it’s the relationship
Why one-size-fits-all guidance fails book by Paul
19:25: (Eli) Depression often manifests more as irritability than as sadness
Depression and irritability study by Dr. Fava
The irritable variation of depression may be more common in men than in women study by Dr. Martin
Aversion to positivity in depression meta-analysis by Dr. Winer
21:55: (Paul) Making downward comparisons to others’ relationships feels good
Perceived superiority study by Dr. Rusbult
24:50: (Eli) It’s easier to experience intense romantic/sexual passion in the first year of a relationship than in the 20th year
The Social Dimension of Sex book by Dr. Baumeister
26:15: (Paul) It’s rare for married couples to go an entire year without sex
Among married Americans, about 7% have had no sex over the previous year essay from Dr. Lehmiller
27:00: (Paul): People who practice consensual nonmonogamy are prone to feel more compersion than jealousy
When jealousy-inducing situations don’t (just) induce jealousy study by Dr. Balzarini
Misconceptions in the movie
29:40: (Paul) For conflictual marriages, it’s not clear whether staying together vs. getting divorced is better for the kids
Parental predivorce relations and offspring postdivorce well-being study by Dr. Booth
A developmental perspective on family influences study by Dr. Conger
Much of the intergenerational effect is driven by genetics study by Dr. Harden
32:45: (Eli) When evaluating potential partners who we don’t really know, people tend not to be attracted to curmudgeons
A cross-culture analysis of stated mate preferences study by Dr. Buss
34:40: (Paul) It’s strange for couples who have been together for decades to have never discussed the circumstances surrounding their first meeting
Relationship initiation narratives chapter by Dr. Custer
“Are we ok with this?”
36:50: (Eli) It’s a violation of professional ethics for a psychotherapist to start dating her client
37:10: (Eli) Is it ever acceptable to gaslight a romantic partner?
39:25: (Paul) Is this accidentally a movie about how men need to be admired?
Relationship Quotes!
43:00: (Paul) “We love a contentious environment.”
44:40: (Eli) Sometimes, people feel so undesirable that it’s hard for them to understand that somebody desires them
46:30: (Paul) “He’s a little fuerte.”
What do we wish we knew?
47:20: (Paul) How do people get invited to sex parties? (Asking for a friend.)
48:10: (Eli) When do people have sex with their friends?
50:05: (Eli) What percentage of heretofore monogamous couples would say yes if offered the foursome opportunity (#TheInvite) that Joe and Angela receive in this film?
54:00: (Eli): How do couples interface, as a unit, with the social world?
Stars (1–5): The hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): The hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil
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