How to Stay Close to Your Teen This Summer: Ask Less, Do Less, Start One New Ritual

When the eldest of my 4 hit her first ‘grown-up’ summer it took me by surprise. I thought we’d be spending much more time together before she headed off to halls and freshers week … before she left us.

But it didn’t pan out at all how I imagined it would. There was heartbreak, holidays with mates, parties, festivals, curfews broken and reset, driving adventures, boundary testing and long hours shut behind the bedroom door as the family got on with their day. Routines changed, attitudes changed, the connection we had was tested and I found it challenging. At times I felt I didn’t know my teen anymore, occasionally I was frustrated by all the changes in her.

But I learnt a lot about parenting a developing teen over those sunny weeks, I learnt the delicate art of loving and letting go. I’ve now been through this ‘last summer’ three times. It’s a biggie, an important one for all the family and especially so for the adolescent who is finally spreading their wings and heading off out into the world. It is also what i call ‘the vanishing summer’ - the one where you see them much less, and the one where keeping a firm connection is the most important.

It’s the summer we go from micromanaging them as we used to (which makes them want to rebel more) to learning to trust them on their journey to adulthood. As a mum of four aged 15 to 23 I can tell you this isn’t easy. But here are a few tips to make this special summer easier for you and the family.