I Used To Think Queen Lizzy Was A Lizard Lady

Once upon a time, I was a conspiracy theorist. And not just your friendly neighbourhood COVID-denier. I used to believe Queen Elizabeth II (God rest her soul) was a shape-shifting lizard lady.

I believed all the elites running the world were secretly lizard-aliens descended from the “Anunnaki” (the ancient aliens who built the pyramids).1

I wasn’t a flat-Earth level conspiracy theorist, but I had a problem.

Mind you, I was 15-years old at the time; and I dropped the lizard stuff before I was old enough to vote, or drink, or storm Buckingham Palace.

But sadly this wasn’t the last conspiracy theory I believed. In 2016, I fell for the theory that Trump was a Kremlin asset.2 And I held onto that one for longer than I’d care to admit.

Since then, I’ve seen City traders believe assassination attempts were staged. I’ve seen Oxford PhDs believe fair elections were stolen.

Even my own parents, who are some of the sharpest people I know, briefly believed the COVID vaccine was a mass sterilization campaign to manage overpopulation.

Conspiracy theorists don’t just look like basement dwellers with tinfoil hats. They look like professors, bankers, and soccer moms.

Well it might be best to start by noting that not all conspiracy theories are bad.

The Manhattan Project conspiracy theory is a good theory. The US government did conspire with leading scientists to develop weapons of mass destruction in secret. If you had proposed that conspiracy theory in 1944, you would have been a conspiracy theorist — and you would have been right.3