Bolognese

I’ve never met a ‘detransitioner’. Not that I know of, anyway. Somebody who thought they were trans, took all the same arduous steps that I did - came out, changed their name, experienced pushback, started hormones, got stared at, got harassed, had surgeries… Except then, after having a longer think about the whole thing, came to realisation that actually, ‘I’m not that into this whole ‘tranny’ thing afterall’.

I find it difficult to comprehend. My transition was such a definite, pivotal event for me. Years before I ever even told anyone about how I was feeling, I was building my future life in my head; imagining how much better things would be when I finally started getting on with it. It was so important, this persistent incongruity I was experiencing, and I knew that I would do anything to be who I needed to be - regardless of the difficulties, I knew it’d be worth it in the end. I’d hazard a guess that most trans people feel this way. Odd then, that nobody gives a toss.

I read on the internet that there’s a new clinic opening in America, just for detransitioners. This comes at a time when clinics everywhere are ‘reconsidering their approach’ to trans healthcare under a zeitgeist of lesser and lesser acceptance for trans people. They only want to ‘help’ they tell you. And ‘help’ means doing as little as possible. It means saying ‘no’. Turning you away, and discouraging your ditzy little hysterical fantasies. Gender Denying Care, I think they call it. And some detransitioners are in cahoots with these anti-trans efforts. Aligned with ghoulish organisations - acting as propagandist mouthpieces for shit stirring pressure groups. Because they had a bad experience, and it wasn’t right for them, it can’t be right for anybody. All of us ought to be punished for it.

They’ll tell you that it’s for your ‘own good’. That transition was never really the answer, and that ‘trans identifying individuals’ should be protected from themselves. Except, I think they’re getting confused. See, I’ve never needed protection. I’m confident, and strong willed. I know what I want, and I understand the choices I make before I make them. The only thing I share with a detransitioner, I think, is potentially a surgeon. Other than that, we couldn’t be more different.

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I am aware that not all detrans people are against us. Many, although having experienced some regret, do in fact still identify into the trans community - or consider themselves allies, at least. And I welcome that. They take some responsibility for their predicament - hold their hands up and say: ‘My bad - I had a bit of a brain fog there for a second. Could I get my penis back now, please?’. And I can sympathise with regret…

I regretted ordering the bolognaise at an Italian restaurant once. It’s the same price as a pizza, but a quarter of the size. It turned out to not even taste that good - the sauce was too sweet and the spaghetti too soft. But I still ate it. It was my stupid decision to order the thing, and I did order it for a reason - even if that reason isn’t entirely clear to me now.

I’m not suggesting somebody should lump a bad decision. But I suppose I am suggesting that they ought to take some responsibility for it. A lot of people pussyfoot around this topic, because we’re told that detransitioners ‘deserve empathy’ - and I don’t disagree. But I empathise with them in the same way I empathise with people who get shocked sticking a knife into the toaster to retrieve burned bread. I’ll make sure you get checked out at the hospital, but I’ll ask: ‘What did you THINK was going to happen?’ on the cab ride there.

And what about the de-detransitioners? Those who had ‘thought they made the wrong decision’ but who only, quite understandably, caved to the immense social pressures around them? Except now, after a false start, they’ve given life another college-try? It’s no huge news that often, the people closest to us don’t like it when we change. The climate for trans people is hotter than Majorca. Conforming to the selfish whims of others can feel like the easier option sometimes. Comfort in the familiarity of a discomfort you’re well used to. Nobody talks about the percentage who double-back. Who find success on the second or third try. It’s not politically advantageous to talk about them, though..

The thing about these supposed ‘detransitioners’ who end up resentfully taking up arms against us is; they don’t prove themselves to have ever been convincingly trans. I don’t mean by this that they don’t ’look the part’ or haven’t watched enough anime shows. What I mean is, they don’t appear to have any of the emotional sensitivity towards the trans community that you’d expect from somebody who had lived through it - even if on just a short-term basis. They ought to know how important affirmative care is to us - how truly beneficial it is for most. Not stand up in the middle of the restaurant and declare ‘all bolognese should be outlawed!’ because they would have preferred the Quattro Forgmaggi.

As for the real detransitioners - the ones in immense psychological pain; of course I feel sorry for them. But it isn’t because they ‘made the wrong choices’ - I feel sorry for them because those around them - the ones responsible for giving them love and care - have likely made their existence a living nightmare. They have communicated, in some way or another, that they’d prefer the sad old them back, rather than the thriving new model. This, surely, has to be more common than the devious Frankenstein doctor creating a ‘mutilated child army’ we hear so much about?

What makes me most uncomfortable is the embarrassing way in which detransitioners are routinely infantilised. They’re presented to us like little toddlers who just made their first boo-boo on the living room carpet. But, more often than not, they’re fully mentally competent adults. But they have to be presented this way, because ‘won’t somebody think of the children!’ doesn’t quite work if there aren’t, actually, all that many children to speak of.

I probably wouldn’t have quite the same ire about all this if I felt as though detransitioners were actually being cared for. If, instead of infantilising them and platforming them into conservative political agendas and tossing them aside afterwards, the establishment could actually try and approach it with some care and nuance.

Anyway, I could talk about detransitioners all day, but I have to go because I’ve got a live interview slot on GB News in a few minutes to discuss the banning of spaghetti bolognaise. Did you know, for example, that bolognaise is incredibly unsafe? People think it’s soft, but 50 babies choke to death on it worldwide every year. And still, parents feed it to them! The world’s gone nutso.

Hey, by the way - my short film ‘Transsexual Psycho Bitch Murder Party’ premieres this Saturday night at 8pm (GMT), over on my Youtube channel. Here’s the link if you’d like to check it out. Thank you.

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