IRONMAN Brazil 2023

I always said I’d continue doing the sport as long as I felt I was still improving and still learning. At the start of 2023, this is very much what I felt. I could still see how I could get better, I could still see I could improve and it excited me.

At the end of 2019, I changed coach to Julie Dibens (Dibs), perfect timing (sarcastic voice) as then Covid hit, and all the shit show that followed, with lock downs and restrictions. With races postponed and moved, I ended up heading to Challenge Roth, rescheduled from its usual place at the beginning of July to 5th September 2021. I flew in to Roth, direct from Tokyo, where I’d been a reserve guide for the two Visually Impaired British Paratriathletes. Whilst I wasn’t needed to race, it was still an incredible experience, although made more strange with all the covid restrictions. As a “reserve” I didn’t have full accreditation, and although none of us were allowed to leave the hotel, the non accredited of us, had even less ‘freedom’. When we did leave, we travelled in the hotel service lift and out the back doors. But that’s a whole other story.

But I’d been in Japan for 2-3weeks, trying to manage my last few training sessions for Roth, a full distance triathlon, whilst also ensuring I was primarily available and ready to train with the paratriathletes, and race if needed. That was what I was there to do, my race was very much secondary. I remember doing a long run, on a treadmill (because we weren’t allowed to go anywhere), in the Tokyo heat and humidity. The treadmill was outside, and in the shade, but it was still stinking hot. I would start slipping and sliding, as the treadmill was becoming drench with the sweat pouring off me. I’d have to move laterally across the treadmill to find a dry patch to run on, so I didn’t slip off. But I digress… again.

So to cut this bit short. I arrived in Roth, a lot later than I normally do, and with a very different build. On the day, I had one of my best races, running my fastest marathon (only a few days before turning 42) and finishing second to Anne Haug, the then current IRONMAN World Champion.

That was the start.

We headed into 2022, and had one of my best years in the sport. The IRONMAN World Championships from 2020 had been postponed and relocated to St. George, Utah in May 2022. It was a course that excited me, and suited me as an athlete, and the build, off the back of Roth, and leading into St. George (including a fantastic training camp we (JDCrew) did in St. George a month prior), had gone well.

Race morning, and during the warm up I got fully whacked on my head, which sent me dizzy for a few seconds, and I had to re compose myself. (After I crossed the line at the end of the race, I went straight to medical, as had been bleeding out of my ear on the bike, and couldn’t hear that much out of it.) Again I digress.

I was in a bit of disbelief when I crossed the line in St. George, 7th in the World. It was more than I’d ever thought possible when I first took the leap to turn Pro.

Dibs then planted the seed in a mic drop statement, along the lines of “wouldn’t it be cool to have two top 10 finishes in the World Champs in the same year”. Whilst I’d come 7th in St. George, Kona was a different beast, and everyone turned up to Kona, so the thought of getting a top 10 there, was a little crazy I thought, but also, if Dibs believe, then perhaps I should too.

On October 6th 2022 (a Thursday, as it was the first year of split day for women and men, both racing in Kona), I crossed the finish line on Ali’i Drive, by Dig Me Beach, in 10th! Fuck Me!

We did it!

Riding the high from Roth, and 2022, I headed into 2023 excited. I still felt I was learning, and improving and still felt there were so many areas where I could improve. I headed to IRONMAN Brazil in May, with the goal of qualifying for the 2023 IRONMAN World Championships, but also, of course trying to win. The chances to win are hard in the sport as it is, but as you get older it’s even harder, and we felt this was a good chance to go for it!

I probably arrived in Brazil even fitter than I had been for Kona. I knew I was in good shape, from the sessions we’d put together, but I probably didn’t realize quite how good a shape I’d been in till afterwards. Hindsight is a glorious thing!

I had one of my very best swims in Brazil. The course was an M shape, coming back into the beach before back out into the surf, and I excited the water and headed to T1 in the font chase pack (sitting in 6th), just 4mins 45seconds behind the leader, a Brazilian and two time Olympian! (Also amazing, as my goggles had snapped on the start line, and fortunately, one of the race swim sponsors was standing there and could hand me a spare pair.)

Onto the bike, and I quickly moved through to establish myself in 2nd, chasing down the leader. The bike was two laps, 90km each, and headed out onto the the main highway for a segment, before returning to Transition, and heading out for lap 2.

Things I remember, it was or had been raining. I had come off the highway and was heading back to Transition on some of the smaller single lane roads, towards the turnaround to start the second lap. I remember looking down at my Garmin and seeing it said 85km, and thinking - “yep that seems about right” for where I was in the race.

Things I don’t remember… what happened next.

Things I remember, the next minute, I was '“waking up” sitting on the other side of the road. An Ambulance was there. I remember seeing my bike laid out on its side on the grass, with all my drinks bottles lined up next to it, all very neat. But I knew where I was - I was in a race, in Brazil, I knew who I was, and the day/date, but I had no idea how the hell I’d gone from riding my bike, to sitting on the other side of the road with an ambulance already there.

Apparently someone had seen it happen from a distance, or found me shortly after, lying unconscious on the road. I’m not sure for how long I was unconscious, it was a while I’m told but, not sure. Apparently then, I was talking and speaking, but not sure I was making any sense, and can’t remember any of this. I also must has ‘come round’ to get from unconscious, lying on the road, to now sitting at the side of the road, surrounded by people.

They took me to hospital, where I had a scan. I think at this point, I was thinking, I’d have the precautionary scan and be back out on the race course able to cheer the athletes on during the run. I think the first time, I actually saw a clock and had any concept of time, it was already 7pm in the evening, so that threw, my thoughts of getting back out to watch the race, out of the window.

For much of this time, I remember just lying on a hospital bed, still in my race kit, which was drenched from the rain. I remember shivering, to which some kind nurse brought a blanket I think. But I was just lying on a bed, in the corridor of a hospital, in Brazil. Doctors and nurses passing by in all directions. Patients rolling passed pushed in beds, wheel chairs, or walking, drip in hand. It was like one of those surreal moments when you are almost invisible, but here you are, lying on a hospital bed in a corridor, as hospital life rushes by. I had no idea what was happening, no way of communicating with anyone. I had no phone, as that was in my morning clothes bag, back at the race, so had no way of speaking to anyone I knew. No way of telling anyone I was ok. Or to ask if I’d be ok.

The scan came back showing I had a brain bleed. I didn’t really know what this meant, but was told they would be keeping me in over night. At this point I have I think been moved from the corridor to an open room with several other patients. But I still didn’t really know what was happening. I still had nothing other than the race kit I’d come in with. No way of getting in touch with anyone. The hospital would of course try to find someone who spoke English to come and try to explain things, but it was very sporadic and sparse. I remember at one point, just saying and repeating, that I wanted to go home, and just not knowing what was going on.

At some point in the evening, I did get told that I was actually being transferred to another hospital. From the crash, I’d been taken to the local hospital, but the race had a partnership with a private hospital, and I think obviously word got back to the race director, and I was told someone was coming to pick me up. When though? I had no idea. So I just waited…again.

I think I arrived at the new hospital sometime around midnight. I think I was transported in an ambulance, rolling the bed up and in again. It was definitely a different set up, as I was wheeled into a smaller room with a couple of other athletes from the race. These guys I think had crashed on the day, and had been there for a few hours, even though my crash was early on in the day, I’d only just made it to this hospital. Additionally here, more people spoke English. I was told the race director was coming, and I also finally managed to ask if there was a chance someone could bring my morning clothes bag, so I would have my phone, so I could let my parents, and my coach know I was ok. (I would also have dry, and non hospital clothes.)

Not too long later, the Race Director did arrive, and had kindly had bought with him my Morning Clothes bag. He told the hospital to get me some food, off a menu that I could chose what I wanted to eat, he also told them to get me a private room. I was very grateful. One of the other first things he said though was that he’d heard there were some motos with the lead female, and that he’d told them not to be there, but what could he do. (IRONMAN Brazil used* to be notorious for the lead motorbikes, and live stream cameras, being quite close to the leading rider. *I say used to be, I can’t comment anymore.) But I did think it was quite strange that this was one of the first things he said to me. Only later, it clicked that he probably had said that because he didn’t want me going to social media and blasting the race after what had happened. Then he asked if I knew what had happened, I told him the limited amount I could remember, where I was in the race, and then ending up in an Ambulance but no knowing what had happened in between. He told me there hadn’t been a car involved. Again this baffled me. How could I just randomly fall off my bike on a straight flat section of road and suffer such a traumatic brain injury. I remember talking with my fellow hospital athletes and non of us could reason with it, and how that could have happened without a vehicle.

I didn’t really sleep that night. I seem to remember they kept the lights on in my room. Or maybe I didn’t know how to turn them off. But they also kept coming in every couple of hours to check on me. Whilst I had my phone, so had now been able to have some conversations with one of my sisters, and also Dibs, and a few jokes along the way (who was my next of kin), I wasn’t really meant to be looking at screens, and I also had the phone but no charger. So I remember it just being a long night.

I had a second scan at some point in the morning, and was told, that fortunately as the bleed hadn’t grown, they wouldn’t have to operate and I would be discharged that morning. Everything is very much on South American time, and whilst I appreciated the medical teams, it just seemed to take for ever to get the scan, get the result, get the analysis from the doctor, be told I would be discharged, to finally being discharged, I think at some point in the afternoon.

A taxi or driver picked me up, and actually drove me straight to the race HQ, as that was where I was told my bike was. Having been told there was no car involved and my bike didn’t have a scratch on it, (by the race director), the team who had my bike had a different story. The bike, whilst it did look ok on the outside, was ‘a write-off’, with the bearing in the head tube. crushed. They also had my helmet. A KASK Bambino Pro Evo. I have always worn KASK, as have always valued the fact they also make work safety helmets (I’m an engineer who always had to wear a hard hat), and horse riding helmets, and I fully believe in their quality and safety standard. Obviously I was very grateful for my helmet this time. But you could see the scuff marks all along the side, and the significant dent in the tail.

They also had photographs of the car, and a police statement that had been taken. The car, missing it’s front bumper (not sure that was as a result of hitting me, I’m not sure), was also ‘owned’ by a driver I think from Argentina, with no insurance!)

It was late in the day, when I finally made it back to my hotel, having collected race bags and bikes. One of the media team from the race, and an ex pro athlete herself (and who funnily enough we’d ridden together back in the days of the Witsup.com Kona ride - if you are old enough you’ll know! lol) was hosting a BBQ and had invited me. I declined her kind offer, not really sure what I was doing to be honest, and figuring best to just rest in my room as much as I can. But amazingly, she left her own BBQ to bring me BBQ take out to my hotel room! She was amazing. Thank you Ana!

I had also fortunately, when I was discharged from the hospital, been cleared to fly back to Boulder the following day, but I had to pack. You know what it’s like, post race! Transitions bags a mess, sticky gels and whatever else over bike and kit. Damp wetsuit. Well think this, but also think this with a concussion, and brain injury. It felt like it took me forever to pack my bike and bags. I had to keep stopping ever few minutes. but we did it.

Before I had gone to Brazil to race, a friend had very kindly upgraded me to Business class, using his points, on the way back. Now, with what had happened, this couldn’t have been more appreciated, as I was able to lie flat, I think with films or music on through my headphones, but not looking at any screens and just still trying to rest.

Arriving back in Denver, I wasn’t now able to drive either, yet my car was at the airport, so I had to get a taxi back to my apartment with my bike and bags. Then, later the same day, good friend Dede Griesbauer drove Dibs and I back to the airport, so we could pick up my car and Dibs then drive me home! She kindly became my transport for the next few weeks in getting around the place, for which I was incredible grateful. As well as everything else Dibs did to support me, including lending me her dog, so I could get out on some walks, as unable to do anything else. Dakota is just the best. He can read your mood and always has the ability to make you smile and feel lighter about life. He is the kindest too. I now have my own dog, Koru. Whilst I grew up with dogs, and had always wanted a dog, it was spending that time, and then more with Dakota, and the benefits I gained from his energy and love, that pushed me to getting Koru.

When I started writing this, it was May 28th, three years to the day when it happened. I think this is the first time I’ve written everything down. I’m not sure. Perhaps I did before, somewhere, but I’ll blame the TBI for shocking memory! lol! I’m not even sure why I’m doing it now, nor if anyone will have got this far, in this novel, to still be reading. I’m sure most would have been bored after the first few lines, and swiped or clicked on.

I’m sure people are reading are thinking, just move on, and get over it, it was three years ago. I can even hear their specific voices in my head, saying this, maybe my own too, as I’m still trying to work out, if and what it has or did impact, if anything, or if I am just … well I’m not sure. Is it some kind of therapy, or processing, I don’t know.

But figure as my mum keeps wanting me to write a book, I’d better start somewhere so she can read it one day! lol

And so we begin….