The Quiet Grief

“How was your Thanksgiving?”

It’s innocent, polite, seasonal small talk—but for me, it triggers that sharp, stinging feeling deep in my chest. I’ve already started rehearsing my Christmas answer. I imagine myself cheerfully breezing through it with a , “Great, how was yours?” Always ask them a question back to deflect, that way they don’t even notice you gave no details, right?

But the truth is that I reread my texts with my dad at least six times on Thanksgiving.
Every single time, it felt like I was finding a new missing puzzle piece—except I still don’t know what the puzzle even is. Maybe it’s just grief. Maybe one day I’ll finally understand the picture it’s trying to make. Thanksgiving was the first time in the 3.5 months since he died that I finally mustered the courage to comb through our text messages.

People warn you that the first year of holidays is the hardest, but I had no idea what I was in for.

Grief as a mother is its own strange terrain. Life keeps moving for a 7 year old, but now his mom just randomly cries in the car when a song comes on. I just want him to know that feeling sad is normal—that emotion isn’t weakness, and vulnerability isn’t a flaw. If anything, it’s what makes us human.

And still, there’s this part of me that feels silly writing about losing a parent because it is inevitable, right? It’s something everyone will eventually experience. But I never imagined it happening at 30. It feels too young. My mother just lost her mother, but she’s in her 60s. I thought I had at least another 30 years with my dad.
Honestly, I’d like to speak to the manager.

You never really know what question might slice someone open a little. The holidays can be joyful, but they can also be heavy, quiet, and full of ghosts you don’t know what to do with.

So if you asked me how my Thanksgiving was, I’d smile and say, “It was great!”
But the truth is that I’m still learning how to be a person again.

And if you’re grieving this season too—whether it’s been three months or thirty years—I hope you know you’re not the only one trying to navigate a world where everything looks the same but nothing feels the same.

Maybe don’t ask people about their holidays… ask how their heart is doing instead.