Two Tricks to Overcome Binary Thinking

I grew up conditioned to be a very black-and-white thinker. The culture that surrounded me had a very binary approach to nearly everything, and it permeated every thought I’ve had for most of my life.

I work with an amazing therapist who isn’t afraid to call me out on my binary brain bullshit. When I feel like there are only two solutions, I tend to get angry and upset and wonder why things just can’t go the way I want them to go…

Binary Brain Bullshit.

It shows up again and again. The words “I can’t” are often involved.

So here are two tricks I use over and over again to break free of binary thinking.

Instead of saying “I can’t,” I say “I can, if…”

I’m a tall human married to another tall human. We were at Tokyo Disney a few months ago, standing in line for Space Mountain. A kind cast member came up to our group and asked (in Japanese) if we spoke Japanese. I knew enough Japanese to understand what she was saying and knew how to respond. So, in English, she asked if we had ridden the ride before. We said yes, but at the one in California. She said, looking at my partner, “This one is a little smaller, so we want to make sure you fit.” She then pulled our entire group out of line and asked us to follow her.

We took the cast member’s entrance into the building, went through the back hallways, and followed her to the bottom of the building where she took us into the maintenance shop of the ride. They pulled in one of the roller coaster cars, got a step stool, and asked my partner to step inside. The cars are definitely smaller in Japan, and he didn’t fit safely in the front row of the car. We all felt our hearts sink. But, the employee encouraged him to try the middle and rear seats as well. Those seats had more legroom than the front row, and we were instantly relieved. Once we established he could safely fit, she returned us to the queue where we all enjoyed the roller coaster.

It would have been so simple to give up after that first-row test. However, “I can’t” wasn’t in the cards. My partner doesn’t say “I can’t ride that ride.” He says “I can ride it if I sit in seats 2 or 3.”

It’s a simple reframe, with a little creativity. Which leads me to…

Any time my kids get discouraged with a fixed mindset, we play a game where we have to come up with 5 solutions to the problem we’re facing. The solutions often get silly and fantastical, but it’s a great way to creatively think through problems in a way that we hadn’t considered before.

Next time you get caught up in your own binary brain bullshit, I’d encourage you to reframe your "can’ts" into "can, ifs" and get creative with ideas.

You never know what solutions are waiting on the other side.