We Always Weekly Vol. 25: The Duties of Parents

I have noticed, as I’m sure you may have as well, over the course of the past several years a decided downtick in the quality of well, everything, coupled with a blasé attitude to match.

Like many mothers of young children with various nap and school run schedules, I have acquiesced almost entirely to grocery delivery to meet our family’s pantry-and-fridge-stocking needs.

Yet, nearly without fail, food arrives spoiled, missing, damaged or all of the above. Just last week, I received less than half of the food I had ordered on my doorstep and when I inquired the twenty-something shopper replied “O, wut r u missing?”

Oh nothing, sweet child, just the milk and the bread and my hope for the next generation.

In another instance, earlier this year I had purchased tickets via a reputable third party site for my daughter and husband to see a musical together and the tickets I received were for the complete wrong time. The company and the seller of the ticket both offered up half-hearted apologies with an inconvenient and unacceptable solution leaving me scrambling and shelling out more money so as to not disappoint an eager eight year-old who had been anticipating this date with her daddy for months.

These, and other little inconveniences in life are, of course, to be expected in a broken world and are in the grand scheme of things just not that big of a deal. There are far, far greater trials, challenges and issues to be concerned with and in prayer over. After all, we all make mistakes. We are all careless at times.

However…the fact that we have come to expected poor quality from brands, poor customer service from companies, poor manners at restaurants, poor dressing in airports (to go with the poor treatment of passengers from airline staff), poor conduct online and an up-and-coming generation many of whom can literally not make eye contact or carry on an adult conversation is indicative of a societal rot—a collective lack of care, attention to detail and pursuit of excellence.

And it has leaked into our parenting, too.

The absurdity of hot mess mom culture aside, we love to tell mothers and fathers that they are just doing their best. But sometimes, maybe many times…they are not. We are not. I certainly am not.

But our inevitable, very human falling short should not be perceived as a “Get Out of Trying Free” card.

And excellence in parenting is, above most things, something worth striving for.

Though it might erode our nervous systems to hear it, the stakes in child rearing are high and we should at the very least try our very best.

You know, “whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” (Col. 3:23)

One of a handful of books I try to re-read each year is The Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle. Ryle was a British Anglican bishop of the evangelical persuasion and lays out in this short book—booklet or pamphlet, really—seventeen duties of parents in a straightforward, economical, no-nonsense manner that the busy modern parent with squeezed margins will appreciate.

We know that children typically behave best when they know and understand what is expected of them, I think for the parent it is no different. Ryle helps us as mothers and fathers see in a biblical context just what is ours to do in parenting and what is not. He encourages, challenges, admonishes parents to perform their duty to their children with excellence, not perfection.

And yet, Ryle doesn’t mince words, writing (in one version that is updated to modern English):

We depend, in a vast measure, on those who bring us up. We get from them a colour, a taste, a bias which clings to us, more or less, for the rest of our lives. We catch the language of our parents and those that look after us, and we learn to speak it almost without thinking about and questioning it. We catch something of their manners, ways and attitudes….

….And all this is one of God’s merciful arrangements. He gives our children a mind that will receive impressions like wet clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting point of their lives to believe what we tell them, to take for grated what we advise them, and to trust our word rather than a stranger’s. He gives us, in short, a golden opportunity for doing them good. Therefore, make sure that the opportunity is not missed and thrown away. Once let slip, it is gone for ever.

The stakes are, indeed, high, and so our striving for excellence as parents is a worthwhile pursuit, but as Ryle also reminds the parent:

God never laid a command on us which He would not then give us grace to perform…We have only to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana: to fill the water pots with ware, and then we may safely leave it to Jesus to turn that water into wine.

You can order a hard copy here, or find it free of charge online.

And now, onto our round up…

Well Read

On the top of my (forever growing) bedside stack: Spring by Michael Morpurgo and the new Lilias Trotter biography, If Only We Could See by Jennifer Trafton…

…followed by these two classics on angels and community.

In Season

Loved reading Sarah Clarkson’s evocative, poignant words on Eastertide.

A beautiful Eastertide book for you and one for them, too.

Bookmarking these 10 Nostalgic Easter Recipes That’ll Take You Back to Grandma’s Table for next year…or maybe next weekend?

Mother

This was a lovely, thoughtful reflection worth reading from The Family Table

I’ve been eyeing these (sold out) gardening overalls, when my dear friend (hi, Susan!!) sent me this cute pair which get the job done at a fraction of the price.

How to feed your kid like a 90’s mom by Courtney McGee at What, Like It's Hard?

A refreshingly earnest account of pregnancy, motherhood, loss and hope from Callie Coles.

Family

Things to Do with Kids (From My Mom's 1975 Junior League Cookbook) by Taylor Rippy Monson at Warm Bread

Loved this take from Emily Thomas of The Connected Family on marking rites of passage in the family....

…and speaking of, here are my favorite journals for recording them all (their new “keepcase” is adorable, too).

I put these in the kids’ Easter baskets (along with these cross bracelets that would be great for a VBS or kids camp) and they are like cleaner, more durable, not as razor sharp pipe cleaners perfect for eternally crafting kids like mine.

Home

What Is a Forever Home? by Steele Marcoux at Veranda — I’m encouraged to see a leading home design publication leaning into the concept of longevity and legacy in homes versus the churn and burn cycle of unsustainable “what’s in, what’s out” fleeting design trends.

We just watched this documentary with architect Gil Schafer on Unlocking the Mysteries of Place is a fascinating look into his brilliant classically-inspired design mind.

Theology of Home called out Pamela Anderson’s new collection for Olive Ateliers and it’s perfect (also check out their Mother’s Day Gift Guide…so good)

Making this immediately when we move back into our home to break in the new range.

Until next time!

(We) always,

Julie