My inbox is needy.

🌞 Looking for a Bank Holiday Discount?
Struggling with sleep?
Harsh Soaps & Body Wash Doing You Dirty?!
Fancy 15% off Eye Health Support?
Are you LOVING our product? TELL US 👇

When did it get like this? I think, as I look at that particular Gmail tab. I don’t remember signing up for this many mailing lists, this amount of admin… this life. People say ‘you need to touch grass’, well, I need to get my feet in the sea and let my toes grab some pebbles. I need to climb up the beautiful metal mermaid-esque statue growing out of the pond in the park, and chat to the arguably ugly geese who guard the tallest trees.

I recently cleared my cache after hearing some worrying statistics and very valid conspiracy theories but then got SO upset when the three key filters of Primary | Social | Promotions slipped into one loud mess of review begs disguised as discount offers / weekly horoscopes / writing course updates / my accountant patiently answering all my most basic queries / Dad’s sharing of hopeful BBC articles and important updates about the Albion / local creatives asking for studio space and then offering studio space and then complaining about the costs of studio spaces — oh, it’s just so much.

My Co-Star horoscope subscription has dropped. It starts with, ‘you’ve been analyzing analysing the deepest parts of your psyche. There will be frustrations in the fields of your natural talents’, and I roll my eyes. Their emails always seem to contain the words ‘frustrations’, and ‘natural talents’. They don’t even know what mine are.

It continues, ‘these frustrations will see their beginnings in your subconscious in conjunction with deep truths. Beware of difficulties relating to the ways you’ve been working through old trauma and psychic habits’ — I work through my deep truths and old trauma in therapy each week, you silly creatures. Psychic habits, though. Not sure about that one. I knew a friend was pregnant recently, before they did. That isn’t a habit, though.

And finally, ‘The current hold-ups are signs that it’s time to do things differently. Every challenge will force you to discover a new path’. The do it differently/new path wording is too easy, too vague and honestly a bit bland. Although it is apt for me, right now.

Okay, what else is happening outside of my emails and above my beloved pebbles?

I’m running a writing workshop locally soon, and I really need to plan/advertise/do something or anything for or about it.

My hair is coming off my face more and more — at this point it’s just a pair of very thin curtains hanging in there, adjacent to my recently-tinted eyebrows, and I’m not averse to scraping it back completely and showing the world my short forehead which would shock teenage me. She was always hiding behind a sandy-blonde, warm brown or deep purple block fringe — the colours changed with the weather, but the style never wavered. I suppose my post-op self (x3) would be surprised, too; she struggled for far too long with the disproportions and wonkiness that no amount of reassurance from loved ones or medicinal botox could fix. Poor things, both of them. I’m trying to work out if my not caring about this, or a lot of other things (including dating, people pleasing, FOMO or fashion) is a sign of blossoming self worth or worrying numbness.

I’m going to revive my blog soon, since we’re still on the analogue-nostalgia-revival trend and/or boycotting all the big platforms and, hey, I pay for that precious URL. I’ll move everything from the past year over from here, bit by bit, if I can bear it — and finally archive all the teenage angst. I don’t know how some folks are able to exist and thrive across multiple accounts; uploading regularly, having schedules and strategies, growing and climbing and collaborating while remaining fully engaged with followers in weekly live streams or exclusive podcast episodes, meanwhile most days I struggle just getting through my very demanding inbox. Tell me your secrets.

Thank you for reading, and remaining.

If you enjoyed this, you’re obviously a wacko like me and appreciate you. So, why not try these on for size…?