Hey Everyone!
I wrote a little ditty yesterday after my Ex Narcissist sent me a blood-boiling text. The old Lisa would have responded to such a text with an epic argumentative diatribe proving how right I was and how wrong he was. Instead, I went on a rage walk with the dog. Being the “new” Lisa, I was determined to respond with love and understanding, so spewing all the venom out like a psycho with Tourrette’s at a swift clip is the only way I know how to NOT react like the daughter of a BPD mother.
While shouting, “fuck this!” and “controlling fuck!”, Coco the Rottweiler and I rounded the bend, when I noticed a crocodile snapping turtle in the middle of the road. My first instinct was to pick it up and move it to the other side, but remembered, snapping turtles can reach halfway or further behind their own bodies to bite you. And then it hit me how my Ex, who goes to great lengths to snap at me, was a lot like this turtle. So, I wrote a poem to express how I felt about both reptiles.
In Laughter,
LStL
O Turtle! My Turtle!
On first glance you seem docile,
Like a painted or a box.
On further inspection, your eyes are hostile,
And cunning like a fox.
I see your stasis on the road,
Sitting in oblivion.
Bothered by neither hare, nor toad,
Surprisingly, un-Darwinian.
A dinosaur, perhaps,
With a stegosaurus tail?
Your evolution stunted,
I guess the more you tried, you failed.
A car zooms toward us in the distance,
A blind turn threatening your existence.
Your life depends on my assistance,
And yet, I sense your resistance.
Should I save you?
Pray you
Dare not bite,
Despite your nomenclature.
I must debate this puzzling sight,
For snapping’s in your nature.
The car gets closer,
Your end is near,
For you are sure to linger,
I weigh my options out of fear
Of losing an index finger.
In one fell swoop, I decide
To turn a blind eye
I don’t even try to signal
The passerby.
Crack.
Split.
Splattered across the street.
A snapping turtle’s sure defeat.
You didn’t make it to the grassy knoll.
‘Cause you my friend,
Will always be,
Predictably,
An asshole.
And For My Paid Subscribers…
Tomorrow I’ll be sending a BONUS POST about a gem of a moment with my Ex. Something about a helicopter and me being an ungrateful bitch. Good stuff! xx
LAUGHING MATTERS is a place for personal essays (and sometimes interviews) about the things we’re all thinking but don’t always say out loud. I try to tell the truth without making a complete ass out of myself. Sometimes I succeed. Most of the time I don’t. If you’ve ever laughed when you probably should have cried, you’re my people. ❣️
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