Conventional wisdom views surrender as a passive letting go of control. I’ve been in a consciously dynamic relationship with surrender since 2019 (for a host of reasons, but I understand now this has been a process of refinement in my understanding and practice), that has shaped a different - deeper and more active - understanding of what surrender is. This could be relative to each of us, so I’m going to be clear that surrender has definitely been a spiritual lesson for me, because I’m an excellent problem-solver, highly independent, resourceful, and self-sufficient. All capabilities that are managed well and controlled by the intellect and ego. But life doesn’t necessarily run well on control, particularly if we want a spectacular life full of magic and miracles. Somewhere in between a measure of necessary control and our control mechanisms controlling us, surrender is served as lessons we’d do well to heed.
Whenever I’ve questioned my capacity for surrender - mistakingly believing I was further along in my development than I was - the universe has stepped in to show me my arrogance and force expansion. You may be someone who doesn’t believe that there are larger forces at play and I respect your position, but the more open I’ve become to those forces, the more beautiful my life has been and the more internally at ease I feel. So if my believing offers me this, then I will continue to believe even if that belief seems naive or misguided to some.
Experience has taught me, surrender is an actively engaged two-step process.
First, we must learn to overcome our attachments to controlling outcomes. I like to think of this as the limitations of the human mind: we can only know and contain so much, but there is much more beyond the scope of our awareness - so much more - that likely holds better answers than we’d ever be capable of finding on our own.
To overcome attachments, we have to assess our resistance. What kind of resistance do we have? Resistance is just fear masquerading as an obstacle. So getting to the heart of our resistance will show us where we need to focus our attention and courage. Is it mental resistance, in that our mindset has placed particular limitations on us? Mindset resistances show us that there is work needed to unravel our ego’s control. Is it physical resistance, in that we have an energetic block because it will require energetic awareness? Is it emotional resistance, in that there is an untended wound that is getting activated? Is the resistance a combination of the above? More than likely, since spiritual awakening is a body, mind, and spirit trip that requires attention on all levels, so that we might realize our full potential.
Perhaps ultimately, it’s spiritual resistance.
We can simultaneously want something and fear actually getting it. What would life look like if we were consciously guided by the universe towards every decision we make? Would we lose our sense of self? Would the exciting things we’ve dreamed for our life ever be realized? Would we be disappointed? But what if we’re not, how will we ever know if we don’t allow a bit of grace.
Second, is the reinforcement of practices that demonstrate our trust, faith, and commitment to align with how the universe will orchestrate what’s necessary. This step is harder because it really gets at the heart of our fear to survive and pushes us back into step one, where the intellect and ego get involved. The challenge here is to listen to our body in the present moment as it reinforces our current physical safety, our intuition as it receives whispers from the universe that all will be well, and the energetic awareness to suspend our mind’s need to know timing.
This is the active role we play as we move increasingly towards our divine nature and away from the limitations of our human nature.
This second step in the surrender process is the one I’ve been refining for seven years now. I learned a long time ago that the universe can be an 11th hour expert. Not my favorite. If you’re someone like me who prefers a bit of spaciousness around decisions, timing, and resources to alleviate stress, then this is where the real work will be for you too. Step one has always afforded me some spaciousness, but the catch here is that step one must be overcome, if step two is to be demonstrated. We must be willing to exist in a free fall that doesn’t have an obvious safety net, if the universe is going to show up in all its miraculous splendor. This means trusting and having faith when all evidence points to the contrary.
It’s scary! A friend just told me, he can’t fathom the kind of surrender I’m in right now. He asked what it’s requiring of me? Is it a daily commitment or a moment-to-moment commitment? I’ve never been so formless - not once in my life - to the degree I am at present. I have moments where I’m totally at ease and embody the belief that all is well and exactly as it should be, and then I have moments where my intellect thinks, “Holy fuck, what are you doing?!?” When the part of me that wants to freak out shows up - fortunately only once or twice a day - I come back to getting quiet and centered in my body. Breathe deeply. Bring awareness to any tightness in the body, as it’s a reflection of the head’s fear.
The universe doesn’t gift hands that are closed tightly. Only hands - and spirits - open to receiving will receive. I’ve always been someone who gives a lot, but isn’t as good at receiving. Receiving felt unsafe to me because growing up, receiving came with strings attached. It was easier to shy away from receiving that felt limited by expectations, then to believe that life could be abundant and generous. That’s not to say that I didn’t have my needs met, but I learned that having my needs met was a transactional dynamic. I’ve always been willing to give altruistically, but when I receive, I’ve always felt a sense of indebtedness. This imbalance isn’t healthy, as this is not how the universe moves in flow.
To be in the state of surrender I’m currently experiencing, I’ve had to get really honest with myself about my ability to receive. This has required a full inventory of how I’ve been giving, how naturally independent I am and have increasingly become in the face of single motherhood, and how my relationships have been a reflection of the disparity between giving and receiving. I’m owning how my mindset and energy have contributed to a problem that has spanned my entire life.
This has been most notable in romantic relationships, although I’ve experienced it in my work too.
I stopped dating just over three years ago, because I was tired of feeling taken for granted. When I ended my last relationship, he said to me, “I knew you were too good to be true.” Except, I wasn’t, he just didn’t treat me like I was. The kind of disparity I was experiencing made me feel like I was doing all the work and getting nothing in exchange. I’ve had clients going through difficulties ask for I-O-U’s, who have never repaid those sessions once their circumstances turned around. I’m not going to beg a man to treat me well or a client to make good; that’s on them to see their own challenges around giving. But, I’m done moving through the world as if overextending myself is the way to create the life I want.
I’m leaning into the vulnerability of receiving without feeling indebted, loosening my grip on my independence and collaborating more, and being really present to how my body is responding to the formlessness of my life right now, so that surrender becomes my default way of being. This is the inner work I’ve undertaken this year especially: learning to ask for help and receiving it without feeling any guilt or indebtedness and feeling gratitude that support is available when I’m vulnerable. I can write all of this with ease, but feeling it and living the truth of it, feels like a massive shift inside my being. And that’s the point, it’s the way it feels inside our being that tells us we’ve really arrived in a state of surrender.
Surrender is a movement from the head into the heart; it’s an advanced, integrative part of our spiritual journey.
Surrender is active trust in, and intuitive collaboration with, the universe. It’s the kind of internal stability that creates the grace to move through life with peace, even when all circumstances are raising alarm bells. Don’t ignore the alarm bells, they have something to impart - even if it’s just moving through step one into step two - but, step two is where we deepen the art of surrender, becoming conduits to receive alignment.
In case you missed Tuesday’s live broadcast, I was a guest on the Together We Seek podcast with JJ DiGeronimo! JJ and I had a lovely, brief chat about what a remarkable tool hand analysis is for transformation. Check it out here . . .
It’s my purpose and joy to help you align with your purpose and joy! 💫 Ready to do some inner work, have your hands read, or both? You can book some quality time using the link below. If you feel inspired, reach out and share what’s beautiful in your world right now. 💞 Wishing you all a lovely weekend!
With love from my whole being,
Lisa 💋❤️
P.S. A note of gratitude:
My last post struck a chord with many of you who reached out. Thank you! It’s gratifying to know when my work connects and hopefully, breaks open some part of your awareness or journey back to your own wholeness. We’re all in a process of constant refinement, as growth is our only sure thing. What’s not assured, is whether we embrace or fight it. I consciously chose - 39 years ago on August 16th - to embrace change as a dynamic part of my life. What a wild and crazy ride it’s been! I’m in awe of just what’s possible and right now, my hands are wide open to receiving in all new ways. I don’t take it for granted, so it will always be my joy to share what I’ve learned along the way, because together our wisdom expands the collective.
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