Having "Un"-Happy Holidays? Try These 5 Tips.

So maybe it’s not “the most wonderful time of the year” for you. I see you!

If you’ve been reading my Substack for a while, you already know I have mixed feelings about holidays. In fact, I used to believe I was the victim of a “Holiday Curse” that ensured a string of intensely negative events happened to me around every special occasion.

These days, I take more agency in my life and I have more self trust in my ability to handle unexpected disasters. So I worry less about the “curse”. But I still have mixed feelings about the major Hallmark card-giving dates.

There can be a lot of stress around making the holidays special either for yourself or for other people (family, friends, community, or others who are counting on you).

If it seems like you are surrounded by jolly people who are just blissfully enjoying the season, you can feel pretty alone. But you’re not alone. I see you. In fact, I bet there are a lot of people who feel the same way!

Sure, your friends and neighbors may be smiling at you behind their fake beards and ridiculously red Santa suits, or trotting around acting thrilled about touting tinsel and trolling Yuletide carols. But deep down, they are probably feeling the holiday pressure too.

You may still be feeling the urge to fling your hot pumpkin spice latte in the face of the next person who wishes you, “Happy Holidays!” But let’s take a breath and remember that person may just be putting on a brave face for the world, to cover their own fears and insecurities.

Unless they have a sleigh full of presents and real life reindeer. In that case, they probably actually do unconditionally love the holidays. But personally, I could forgive them if they let me pet and feed the reindeer. (Maybe I will fill my pockets with reindeer chow just in case the opportunity arises.)

So what are some things you can do to reduce the stress of the season? I have a few suggestions:

1. Focus on little delights. Really drink in the glow of decorative lights, the glimmer of sunlight on an icicle, the carefree frolic of seasonal animals, or the smile of delight on a child’s face.

2. Take time for self reflection. Notice and accept your feelings, recognize them as valid, and do some journaling or drawing or talking about them.

3. Plan self care and recovery time in between holiday events. You may need the space to yourself even after “fun” things that fill you with joy.

4. Reach out to other people whose company fills your cup, for low stress hang outs. Bonus if you find ways to incorporate laughter - like funny movies, comedy shows, or reminiscing about your old shenanigans.

5. Prepare for aftercare when the season ends. Be ready with a list of picker-upper activities you can turn to when it’s finally January, and the relief and/or the letdown fully sets in.

The holidays come and go, but the little joys you can discover, when you look for them, are always there for you. And so are the people you can always count on at any time of year.

It’s okay to re-adjust the lens of your focus to bring the little consistencies that ground you back into view, and use them as anchors to stabilize you against the chaotic storms (physical or figurative) of the season.

What self care tips will you try this holiday season to recover your sense of peace and joy?

Let me know in the comments!

In the meantime, I wish you all the best during this season. (Ducking in case you throw your latte at me.)

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