Five Things I Learned Spending New Year's Eve Alone with a Potted Plant

Is there anything worse than that feeling of being alone for the holidays? Actually, there is! What’s worse is that feeling of being alone when you are actually with the person who is supposed to be your partner.

I’ve spent plenty of New Year’s Eve dates with only a potted plant for company. I’ve also spent quite a few with romantic partners. I hate to say it, but many of the ones with plants were better.

There is, of course, the option of celebrating the holidays without a plant. But why would you? Unless of course you have a capybara (Lucky you!), and you think it would eat your plant date.

But back to the point, the important thing here is not which flora or fauna accompanies you for the upcoming holidays. Rather, it’s how you are going to engage in self love by only giving your time and attention to those people who will reciprocate it.

It can be so tempting to stay in a toxic relationship between now and the new year if the alternative is being “alone”. But can you really enjoy your holidays if you are stuck with someone who makes you question your self worth?

I was “alone” last year. I wrapped up my amaryllis’ pot in red crepe paper and stuck a New Year’s tiara in the dirt behind it as we posed for pics together. Even if that Instagram post somehow becomes my legacy, no regrets!

I have an entire archive of fond memories like that. For example, shortly after the turn of the century, I was brave enough to venture to a new part of the city all by myself, and share holiday joy with friendly strangers. (Don’t worry, I got a plant sitter for that one.) The thrill of that night still dances in my heart.

On the other hand, I have plenty of negative memories of holidays I spent with a romantic partner whose only gift to me was an endless river of tears.

I still get a pang when I think about the time I cried through the night in a fancy hotel room after enduring more gaslighting. And I still feel queasy about the time that even the most expensive dinner couldn’t quell my nausea from another big fight.

The worst holidays were not the ones I spent alone, but rather the ones I spent feeling alone even though I was physically with someone.

I no longer intentionally seek a holiday date. If love finds me, then it has to come with honesty, integrity, and respect for my boundaries - or it’s not worth it.

I have learned some really important lessons by spending my holidays alone:

1. The greatest gift of the season is self worth. Nourish and enrich yourself during the holidays. Do not waste your time or energy on anyone who tries to diminish you or causes you to question your own value.

2. Viewing holiday lights is fun! Enduring holiday “gaslights” is a nightmare.

3. Being “alone” is an invitation to reflect and grow, discover new interests and activities, or step outside your comfort zone and meet new people.

4. Friends can provide even more value and love than “girlfriends” or “boyfriends”. You don’t have to be “alone” by yourself! And sometimes good friends create the best memories of all.

5. Most Importantly: Never try to engage in a New Year’s Eve kiss with a cactus.

Maybe by the time that year end ball drops, I will have a romantic partner. Or maybe it will be just me and an orchid.

All I know for sure is that no matter who else will be with me this holiday season, I am going to be there for myself. And I won’t abandon myself for another person ever again.

So anyone who wants to be my date needs to bring authenticity, deep connection, and real love.

Otherwise, well… Hand me that watering can!

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