Do things for yourself.

Last Friday, I woke up and decided to do something I really loved but rarely allowed myself to enjoy, hoping it would lift my spirits. But guess what? After making that decision, I felt horrible for the next 48 hours. It was something I genuinely enjoyed, but it seemed completely out of sync with what my closest community liked. That made me second-guess myself because I valued their opinions so much. Their lack of validation weighed me down, and I hated how it made me feel.

One part of adulthood no one mentally prepared me for is struggling with my identity and staying true to myself without being influenced by external factors. What are my values? What do I love? What makes me happy? Who am I? You think it’s easy to answer these questions—until you’re in a situation where your truth doesn’t align with others’ expectations. You start second-guessing yourself and realize how complex it truly is. The expectations, societal norms, and constant pressure to fit into predefined roles can blur the lines between who you are and who you think you’re supposed to be.

I spent my teenage years trying to fit into other people’s perceptions of me because I wanted to feel accepted. I didn’t even like rap songs, but I pretended to love them because a guy I liked at 16 was into them. I wore clothes that didn’t reflect who I was, said things I didn’t believe in, and put on a version that revolved around pleasing others rather than being true to myself. But now, as I step into my 20s, I’m learning that the validations of others don’t define me. I’m slowly realizing the importance of making decisions that align with my authentic self, even when it feels uncomfortable or goes against what others expect.

It feels almost impossible and really hard sometimes, but I’m taking baby steps. One of them is being confident enough to do the things I love without being weighed down by what people think. As long as it makes me happy, the world will adjust. I know my future self will look back and be grateful for the moments I chose myself because those are the moments that will shape the person I truly want to become.

I hope you choose your life. Three, four, five, or even ten years from now, the people whose validation you worry so much about today will likely have little impact on your happiness or success. What will matter most is the choices you make for yourself.

Switch careers because it’s what you truly want, not because someone else thinks you should. Wear what makes you feel confident, regardless of others’ opinions. Speak up for yourself because you believe in your ideas, worth, and right to be heard. (I sometimes wish I had done that at my last job.) Post that picture because it feels authentic to you, not because you’re chasing validation or likes.

And remember, it’s completely okay not to fit in or be different. I don’t always fit in, and I’m learning to be comfortable with that and embrace who I am.

So cheers to all of us who are starting to embrace who we truly are unapologetically.

I’m always rooting for you.

What’s one thing you’ve recently started doing or plan to start that makes you feel more like yourself, even if it goes against what others expect?

I’d love to hear from you, so please write back!