We don't love 'Granny Squad' enough

Read on gabe.rocks

This Mother’s Day I would like to share a personal thank you to mothers, grandmothers and the wise women out there, even on the World Wide Web. When I was at my peak body weight after the dreadful covid years, I felt a torrent of difficult emotions. When things were at my worst, there was one group of people that consistently showed me a refreshing combination of compassion, understanding, and encouragement. Older ladies, wise from their years have a phenomenal capacity and willingness to recognize and uplift the best of what’s inside us. In my experience, I have noticed that when one is putting in the work to build themselves up, their biggest cheerleaders are what I affectionately dub ‘Granny Squad’. From the covid years, to my weight loss journey (where I’ve already lost more than I currently weigh), I have many lovely ladies to thank. Therefore, I think it is appropriate and necessary that I do so here.

I owe much to the women in my life, in more ways than I know. I believe in these times, it is vital to show appreciation for those who have helped us. Things are chaotic and it is very easy to let thanks go by the wayside. We all have our battles and scars, but it can be helpful to think of those who have tended to our wounds either physically or emotionally and watch over us. It certainly feels that modernity makes orphans of us all, and so I think it is vital that we reinforce the women at the forefront of holding what remains of community together, however we can.

During the covid years, I spent a small amount of time attending in-person meet-ups hoping to participate in changing the tide against the disastrous policy decisions made in that time. At those meet-ups you saw a huge variety of people. Young people like me who got canned for refusing an “emergency use” injection, working people fed up with the chaos imposed on their lives, and elders from many walks of life. I quickly noticed, that when it came to actually helping the people suffering, it was almost exclusively the mothers, grandmothers, and older women who were the most constructive. I began to recognize how the simplest acts of kindness during difficult times can be far more impactful long term than collectively fantasizing about radical action that never materializes. During this time, I was morbidly obese, incredibly stressed out, and quite out of my own depth. I needed something to help me focus that frustration productively, that I could actually accomplish.

I turned to writing. Substack was quite popular in the ‘covid dissident’ circles I frequented. I felt that getting into writing would help me organize my thoughts and feelings, as well as help me share what I had already worked to put into practice. In hindsight, this was absolutely my turning point for the better. Many great things came out of that project, but even from the very start I was lucky to receive thoughtful feedback from ‘Granny Squad’. To my surprise, some of the deepest and most constructive feedback I’ve received has not been the technical minds I expected, but from the wise and well-read ladies online. There is of course quite a bit of overlap between those two that is absolutely worth mentioning. It is my belief that due to the hyper-financial nature of the ‘attention economy’ there is a phenomenal amount of under-recognized insight from so many different sources.

What has transformed my outlook the most was beholding how ‘Granny Squad’ is not only emotionally supportive, intellectually deep, but also the lifeblood of any serious activist endeavor. My first-hand experience attending the Freedom Convoy taught me how remarkably effective they can be when cooperation, coordination, and actual work is involved. During the protests, an abundance of delicious pre-prepared sandwiches were prepared to keep the truckers fed. So many in fact, that they were freely distributed to public spectators on the scene. I am aware, that this is merely the tip of a much larger iceberg of work that went into making what was a brutally cold time warming in its own way.

I believe mothers being uniquely invested in the lives of others gives them an unparalleled capacity to understand people on a much deeper level. They’ve seen what hurt us, where we go wrong, and our triumphs. They see the consequences that bring people down, and the work that it takes to just keep things feeling normal. It is this wider context that puts them in a position to appreciate experiences others wouldn’t spend time thinking about. This highlights to me how much online media and activism is primarily ego-driven theater for clicks.

Many of the wise women I’ve learned from during these years are passionate, articulate veterans of many important social movements. Any eager young activist would do well to appreciate the experience, knowledge, and unique perspective brave moms have in any space. All that wisdom is an under-appreciated resource that is only becoming more critical in our troubling times.

I’ve heard mothers called the “CEO of the home” but I think that’s a lazy and unfavorable comparison. A CEO of a corporation gets renown for the accomplishments of others and has a generous ‘golden parachute’ should anything go wrong. A mother is the person who gets the job done when the stakes are real, and the tolerance for catastrophe is zero. Life is often hard, and circumstances can often be ruinous. Mothers are the group you can rely on to consistently overcome in situations others struggle to comprehend, almost by definition.

This immense capacity has helped all of us survive the horrors of history in some form or another. If you wanted to think of a single bottleneck that holds humanity back, it’s likely not our tools, knowledge, or even resources. I would bet on it being the incredible talents of mothers being drained by assaults on the public, or them specifically. The opportunity costs inherent to parenting are extreme, and that impact is guaranteed for better or worse. Community is one of many things that pre-dates the Internet, stock market, or even the industrial revolution. There are so many intangible forms of wealth that haven’t even begun to be truly allowed to flourish.

While I am appreciative to have found helpful male mentorship during these challenging years, I am especially grateful for the cloud of encouragement and compassion that has helped steer my own life in a better direction. Admittedly my biggest fear in my weight loss journey hasn’t been gaining it back, but to have gone through all that I have and learned nothing. To me, the most valuable lesson has been learning the value of genuine care. Appreciation for the kindness that has been so freely and consistently given to me has me reflecting on the nature of nurturing.

People often associate nurturing with ‘babying’ but there’s a lot more to it than that. When it comes to recognizing value in others, mothers have an eye to see what many of us can’t. When you think about it, that makes them apex investors when it comes to our better qualities. They see the potential in us that we often overlook. I strongly believe that so much of what’s still good in our world is due to the relentless work of women in our communities. We should all be grateful that many of these women take the opportunity to encourage and support others everywhere they go. Their talents for bringing out the best of people often shine in places you would not at all expect.This is never more clear to me than at the gym. Way before I really believed I could change, they were quick to point out progress and share encouragement.

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When I think of the future, I can see that our destiny is in the hands of those who have the power to build people up. We can all learn a great deal from the mothers, grandmothers, and aunts in our lives. It is clear to me that many of the qualities required to protect and sustain a genuinely human society are exemplified by the women around us. I hope this Mother’s Day I have helped bring some attention to that.