Graham Platner, the Great White Hope of the geriatric Skeksis coven that controls the Democrat Party, has been forced out of his race for the Senate in Maine. The purported cause seems to be revelations of sexual misconduct as revealed in a recent Politico article, though the real story is no doubt more complex, since the accusations are not exactly shocking. Platner has seemingly been a walking disaster since his campaign began, with a steady drip of weird Nazi associations and online perversion despite not being a Groyper, so it’s a bit mysterious why the powers that be all denounced him now. The timing may have something to do with deadlines relevant to the election, as by July 13th the Democrats would have been stuck with him no matter what, and they seem to have figured they could pull a Kamala and sub in a ringer for their tainted nominee. But all of this just begs the question, why run a guy like that in the first place?
It’s no secret the Democrats have a problem with white working-class men, that being that no one in the party has yet figured out how to get that demographic to vote their way while openly hating them. The obvious thing to do is simply lie about that, but since no self-respecting heterosexual white man will go near anything blue-coded, no one in a leadership position has ever met anyone who has worn Carhart unironically. Their efforts thus ring hollow, generally comically, as in the hilarious “I’m a Man” Kamala/Walz video, featuring a bunch of ‘farmers’ and ‘mechanics’ who were collectively zestier than lemon pepper chicken. They have no idea who the people they want to appeal to are, and are thus desperate enough to get creative. This sets up some interesting possibilities.
From the party’s perspective, the ideal candidate is the authentic hicklib, a bearded, beflanneled chudoid, preferably with a regional accent and some association with a trade or military service, but who reliably spits out homespun faculty lounge New York Times-approved takes on social media. Such a figure is likely to have skeletons in his closet, since he’s either lying about his background or adopted his beliefs because his community rejected him for good reasons, but so much the better, since a man like that will do what he’s told. The trouble with Platner is that his skeletons were dancing around in Technicolor like a Phish concert acid trip, negating all their blackmail value while exposing him as an oyster-farming Ezra Miller without the oyster farming.
But from the point of view of a future candidate, how might this situation be leveraged to provide optimal outcomes? I argue that there is actually a path forward for an ambitious working-class presenting white man to power in the current milieu. And here’s the twist: you don’t even have to be a man to do it. In fact, I contend there is a path candidate archetype that unites the Yellowstone LARPers and the more genderschizoid factions into a winning coalition. Behold, the future of the Democrat Party:
EDIT: I’m told by proofreaders that this is actually concert footage of late Grammy Award-winning musician and actor Michael “Meat Loaf” Aday. The image I meant to use was:
This lovely young lady is Ashley J. Webb, currently formerly in the running to replace Platner as Maine’s Democrat Senate candidate. She/her is a true voice of the (Democrat) people, a postmodern daughter of the Quebec Spillover State, an author and patients’ rights advocate working tirelessly to lower everyone’s outrageous hormone bills. It’s easy to see how the AI that writes all of my articles mistook him for Meat Loaf, since they are both plucky musicians who rose to fame through transsexualism, though only the latter has thus far been blessed with success as an artist. But then again, Meat Loaf never had to put his musical stylings on hold to rescue his country from Trump, so cut Ashley some slack.
Many people online are mocking Miss Webb, pointing to her low poll numbers due to the fact that no one knows who he is (least of all ‘her’self) and the fact that Webb failed to qualify for the July 25th nominating convention. Some people are no doubt wondering why I would use both female and male pronouns for someone who looks like a character from that that Bud Light ad from the 90s where a bunch of defensive linemen dressed up as women to score free beer on Ladies’ Night at the local bar.
Bud Light used to think this was funny.
Well, the reason is that Webb is both the future of white male Democrats and their ideal woman all at once, a dream candidate that embodies the future the party wants to create. You might think the path forward is through third-world Bolshevism, but that’s shortsighted. When it comes to ethnic grifting, diversity is not a strength, but rather a desperate struggle between different ant piles for the same mound of sugar. Someone has to serve as the crazy glue holding together various tribal patronage networks, and that someone should ideally appeal both to the young white working class as well as serve as the locus of a sinecure distribution network for downwardly-mobile childless laptop workers. Webb is someone who can build on the purported appeal of Platner to embrace working people who don’t actually want to work, people with educations and artistic dreams, forced to devise ever more esoteric perversions, colorful bespoke identities, and insane political alignments to signal their acceptance of rule by our degenerate neoliberal elites. Webb is ideal in that regard, someone without employment or any real stake in any community who nonetheless believes himself to be perfectly equipped to become a statesthem.
So why then did Webb fail? The answer lies in an autopsy of his and the Platner campaign. There’s no indication that Webb learned anything, but for the sake of the Democrats, hopefully some forward-thinking patron, matron, or xatron did. In the interest of bipartisanship and preserving the liberal rules-based world order, I offer the following breakdown and advice for the progressives of tomorrow. Below, I present a five-point plan to getting elected as a white male working-class Democrat candidate. You can build success from Platner’s failure by following these steps.
You’ll want to come to the attention of the party through independent means. Put on a John Deere hat and film yourself talking about inequality in front of a cornfield. Don’t use problematic phrases like “patriarchy” or “heteronomativity;” all of your ideas should seem like they emerged spontaneously from contemplations while working the night shift at the cannery alongside hardworking undocumenteds. Being a tr00n won’t hurt here, but talking about it will. A man in a dress is now the default in Democrat politics, even if he’s wearing a suit to blend in.
Platner did a great job at this. He was a US military veteran in a party that mainly gets patriotic for Hamas and an oyster farmer who found success as a working man by having his mother subsidize his hardscrabble life. Webb also had this part down pat with his rags-to-ongoing-rags story of aspirant musical stardom, a Bruce Springsqueen for Gen-Z. Where Webb went astray was a meager social media presence. There’s no such thing as bad publicity; just ask fellow neo-lady Chris Chan.
Don’t do it. Just scroll on. Trust me.
While you’re accumulating Insta likes, work on Step 2.
These should be non-criminal, sexual, and just a bit deviant, at least in terms of leftist orthodoxy. You want there to be a girl in your town willing to accuse you of groping her at the Future Farmers of America barn dance senior year of high school, something like that. You want to be able to plausibly deny it, while allowing that it could be career-ending under the right circumstances. Make sure, once you’re starting to get noticed and getting in touch with local Dem handlers, that they know all about it. This will make you all the more appealing as just the sort of person who’s unlikely to tug too hard at his leash.
Platner did great here. His e-sexings were made to order, and his incredulous, wide-eyed shock that the giant totenkopf on his chest had anything to do with ACTUAL NAZIS!!! added just the right amount of spicy intrigue. Being stupid and having poor self-control is an asset in politics, at least to the people who are intelligent and want to control you. But Webb did him one better, with an internet history that doesn’t bear specific description in a family publication, but you can click if you dare. His message to party leadership, painted in unambiguous, slimy terms, is that this is a person shaped by a long history of unfortunate decisions into someone whose choices are best made by others, and he’ll happily hand over his will in exchange for a crumb of validation. The goal here is to embarrass yourself into seeming to be an open book- more on that to come- at which point it’s time for Step 3.
With the backing of powerful financial interests and assorted party degenerates, you get the ball rolling on your run for office. You’ll need edits where you TOTALLY OWN Trump and campaign stops with you standing in the bed of your strategically well-worn F-150, where you preach the evils of rich people and, for the benefit of the diversity, denounce Israel, but in a way subtle enough not to scare the Jews who fund you (you don’t hate Jews; you just love everyone who does). You should exude an air of toughness with an undercurrent of sexual menace, which will make you strongly appealing to miserable, middle aged single women and gay urbanites, while keeping your economic message front and center to attract those white men. DON’T talk about any kind of -isms; save that for the canDIEdates running in safe ethnic fiefdoms and college towns. The Washington Post will hail you as the voice of working Americans despite none of their reporters ever having met anyone like that. No one will look too closely, given that behind the scenes they believe they already know your baggage and they NEED a white guy. You’re almost there.
Platner did well here, sounding a bit like if they cast Hasan Piker in a Stephen King movie, which honestly wouldn’t be the worst choice for a remake of Cujo. Webb didn’t really have time to get the message out in a systematic way, but was off to a great start:
Oli London@OliLondonTV
Trans Maine Democrat Senate candidate Ashley Webb blames Israel for the war in Iran; claims Israel wants to “expand their footprint.” “We probably wouldn’t be in this Iran thing either because it’s all because of Israel trying to expand their footprint.”
6:53 PM · Jul 21, 2026 · 7.37K Views
19 Replies · 7 Reposts · 31 Likes
You’ve now reached the most critical stage, where all your plans will come to fruition if you play your cards right. It’s really easy to mess this part up, or have it all fall apart with one slip up, but if you make it through, you’re set. It’s time for Stage 4.
What none of your backers know is, in secret, you’ve smuggled in a bomb. A getting-body-slammed-by-Alex-Rosen-on-Rumble-level scandal. Something that will absolutely tank you and anything and anyone remotely in your orbit. Ideally, this is something you didn’t actually do (I’m NOT recommending anyone commit real crimes, of course), but the prospect of which will scare the hoes in charge so profoundly that they’ll overheat your phone begging and threatening. you. But you’ve done the smart thing. You make sure they only become aware of this after the deadline to drop out. You let them know that it’s you or no one, and they can either tank the race on principle or ride it out with you. As they have no principles, this will be an easy choice. Also, you’ll be wanting some incentive to keep quiet about your activities on Discord. Wouldn’t want anything leaking that might damage the brand so close to election time.
Alex Rosen@iFightForKids
Lmao pedo and his whole family started chimping out so had to activate Bear Jew and slam him to to the ground lol
Alex Rosen @iFightForKids
🚨 We’re LIVE in Sioux Falls, SD, confronting Sawyer Bills (27) who was talking S3XUALLY with and making plans to MEET with who he believed to be a 13 Y/O girl for S3XUAL purposes 🚨 more info BELOW ⬇️
5:58 AM · Jun 8, 2026 · 1.52M Views
652 Replies · 750 Reposts · 14.3K Likes
Fun fact: IRL I look a good bit like Alex Rosen, though with dark hair, a more trim beard, and slightly less husky.
This is where both Platner and Webb screwed up. The former had too great of an internet footprint to successfully hide his activities past the point of no return, while the latter simply didn’t put in the effort to gain the necessary commitments that would carry him through. In both cases, the problem was laziness and an unwillingness to commit to being a, for lack of a better term, deep-creep. Ambition is never well-served by half-measures.
To see what actual success might look like with this approach, consider how fellow New Englander Stacie-Marie Laughton came to national prominence. The first transgender politician ever elected to a state legislature, Laughton had just the sort of appeal noted here for a white male Democrat, being a garish pervert with a history of fraud and fake bomb threats while having worked at McDonalds long enough to plausibly claim working-class authenticity. So far so good, and it worked out long enough to get him into the New Hampshire state legislature, but then, the news broke that Rep. Laughton was sitting on enough CP to make Chris Hanson vomit in terror. Who would ever have guessed that this upstanding, public spirited woman would have such a dark secret, other than pretty much everyone on earth?
It’s always the ones you least suspect.
I say “what success might look like” because you only ever notice the failures. Done right, and no one ever knows. You might think Congressman Pervington is up to something worse even than the horrible stuff the public is aware of, vibes and whatnot, but nothing definitive ever comes out, and he/she/they just gets reelected for term after term. He has friends all over and never deviates from the general consensus of his backers. After a while, he just becomes an institution, his relationship with the powers that be so tight and of such long-standing that even his open scandals just kind of disappear into the political ether. That’s because he masterfully leveraged Step 5.
Picture chosen wholly at random
After some negotiations, you end up with a plausible but generous committee assignment from which you can build a decent patronage network and feather your nest. You could stay for the long haul if you really like power, and people have (presumably) done it, but you run a real risk of exposure the longer you remain in the public eye. After all, there’s always the chance that someone might sniff around and find out details of your ascent you’d prefer to keep private in their own quest for clout. It’s better to get greedy in as much anonymity as possible; the more prominence you attract, the more attention people pay to you. Lest anyone accuse me of picking solely on Democrats, this was exactly the fate of Dennis Hastert. If you’re robbing a bank, don’t hang out in your ski mask and apply for a mortgage afterwards. Take the money and run.
In terms of the Senate, six years is a long time for an ambitious man or manlike creature. Cash out and go with as little notice as possible. With you wanting to spend time with your family, the party arranges you a decently paid but not especially demanding consulting job, a book deal, and 50,000 or so paid Substack subscribers, and you Walz off into a public life posting AI slop about being a working class white man in Trump’s America, even if Trump isn’t around anymore. You’ll now have all the time in the world to indulge your proclivities, if that’s all you want to do, or, if you’re still hungry for the system’s goodies, you can take your turn as the power behind the scenes, mentoring the next generation of depraved part-time baristas speaking tr00n to power.
Don’t make Graham Platner and Ashley Webb’s mistakes. Their all-too-casual lack of strategic leveraging of degeneracy set back the prospects of working-class-like white men for an entire election cycle. But with the right approach, anyone can be the prole-coded great white hope for a generation of Democrat leaders. And just think of all the good you can do.
End Wokeness@EndWokeness
"My name is Dina Nina. Trans woman, live in poverty, and I want to legalize weed!" (Real campaign ad)
12:26 PM · Jul 21, 2026 · 326K Views
860 Replies · 744 Reposts · 4.85K Likes
Exactly…
Buy Me a Ride Home from Chappaquiddick
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