Being a mom who had it all cost me the best parts of motherhood

I recently became part of the largest exodus of moms from the workforce in four decades after being laid off from my job. Work has been my identity since I was a 13 year old running a neighborhood babysitting business (as a parent now I can’t imagine a 13 year old babysitting my kids?), when my status in pool culture was secured as a pool concession stand manager at age 14 (if you grew up in pool culture you KNOW how important this was), when someone trusted me enough to give me the keys to an ice cream shop at age 15, when I was the one seating the whole town as a hostess at California Pizza Kitchen, when I bartended at the wildest spots in my college town, then public education followed by nonprofit work followed by selling out and taking a job in tech and rising through the ranks into senior leadership roles.

The layoff experience was hurtful, but after some time to reflect I’ve realized it needed to be that way for me. I needed to learn an important lesson while my kids are young— that it doesn’t matter how much hard work I put in, how much time I spend away from my kids for the job, how much of my full self I bring to work leaving little for my family, how hard I smile while enduring the motherhood tax, how many vacation days I don’t take, how many times I show up hanging on by a thread after an all nighter with puking kids while I’m solo parenting, how many times I keep my mouth shut when I see something wrong, how many field trips I miss for the job, how many times I pump on the Amtrak— to a job I’ll always be an expendable number.

I’ve had the privilege of being able to take some time to thaw out, and as my nervous system resets slowly over time I realized how far from myself I had strayed. The whiplash from going from 100 MPH at work to 5 MPH at home with toddlers (that’s generous, it’s more like .5MPH when they’re putting on shoes) and back 100 MPH to get all the household things done had wrecked me. My perfectionism had wrecked me. Parenting and returning to work through two rounds of postpartum depression wrecked me. Returning to work after my second child had wrecked me— it wasn’t the same relief I felt after my first to be interacting with adults and have achievable metrics. The juggle required to be a working mom in a senior leadership role married to a business owner had wrecked me. Without realizing it I had become a version of myself I no longer recognized, but what mom has time to see themselves?

I’m realizing now that for the first few years of my kids’ lives, most of my time with them had been a means to getting back to work. Even though I did my best to not check emails or Slacks while I was with them, work was always lingering in the back of my mind and always waiting for me after bedtime or after the weekend or after the trip, I was always partly with work mentally.

Because of that all of our time together was optimized, my success as a mom was based on how much I could cram into my time with them between work. I’m laughing now remembering a weekend I was so determined to GET OUTSIDE in the short time we all had together that I was yelling at everyone to hurry up and get in the car SO WE CAN HAVE FUN TOGETHER and then huffed in anger the entire time because everyone was moving too slow and we didn’t have time for ALL THE FUN. All this optimization and hurrying and I really hadn’t appreciated my kids.

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The word I chose for 2026 in January is “soft” as in, I’m going to make decisions that lead me to a softer life. Losing my job with a live-in au pair is quite an overcorrection, but I’m taking this time as a gift. I’m trying out hobbies (working in an international office I was always so curious how new employee intro emails for our European offices had so much detail about hobbies — who has those? and how?), I’m learning how to evaluate my worth beyond a dollar value or ROI to shareholders, I’m unpacking a lot of what I thought about myself, I’m figuring out what it looks like for me to be a successful mom, and I’m figuring out what’s next. And hot damn if spending time with my kids isn’t 100x more enjoyable when I don’t have work in the back of my mind.

Oh and I’m going on every. single. field trip.

More to come on what I learn, what I untangle, what the hell we can do about the working mom crisis in America, and as I finally have the space to hit my protein and fiber goals. Thank you for being here.

A lot of people have asked how they can help — while I’m figuring out what’s next I would greatly appreciate any leads or connections for contract opportunities (fractional chief of staff, operations, education and workforce development programming and GTM, professional certification programs, online training program development and management, partnership strategy, in corporate or nonprofit or education— I’ve done it all). Thanks y’all.