Someone Who Loves You

Someone who loves you just walked past your old apartment and glanced toward the window, half-expecting you to still be there. Someone thought to call while driving to the beach—on your birthday—Christmas morning. Sent a voice memo in the middle of the night that you played back a few times before saving it, in case there’s ever a day you’re without them.

Someone who loves you moved 2,000 miles to be closer to you, to share a few seasons and a two-bedroom off Kent and Coronado. Rescued you more times than you can count just by being there. Someone who loves you is tacked to the fridge. Held your hand in theirs as you walked around the reservoir, crying at the party. Someone still loves you even though you left again.

Someone who loves you stood over the crib, watching your chest rise and fall each morning. Nurtured every artistic impulse and believed you might do something wonderful one day. Isn’t here to love you anymore, but left enough over to last a few lifetimes. Someone who loves you shares the same eyes as you.

Someone who loves you “to the moon and back” was also the first person to hurt you. Tried to beat their reflection out of you and has to live with that now. Someone who loves you is trying their best and you are learning to let go of bitterness, because sometimes love looks like forgiveness.

Someone who loved you broke your heart, didn’t mean to, is very sorry about it. Reached out a few years later to see how you’re doing and you let the message go unanswered, because sometimes forgiveness looks like restraint.

In one of his letters to Felice, Kafka said, “There are times when I am convinced I am unfit for any human relationship. I cannot escape the feeling that I have been made for a purpose, but I cannot find it.”

I have spent much of this life haunted by a cryptic purpose, only to find it was always this simple. Someone who loves you sees that you only need to show up in your own skin each morning. To do your best to be good. To love well even while wondering if you can hold it.