Until the Wind Changed

Surrender.

I never quite understood what that meant.

Surrender your life to...

Surrender your dreams to...

Surrender.

I love Mary Poppins.

Stay with me; there is a tie-in here.

She arrives with the wind and simply says she will stay until the wind changes.

Perhaps surrender and the wind are old companions.

At the beginning of this year, I devoted myself more fully to my own spiritual path.
My own michi.
My own do.

道 way of life.

I was already walking it through yoga.
Through the gentle addition of Ayurvedic rhythms.
Through learning to understand my mind and body with more compassion and less force.

I felt settled.

Peaceful.

And then, one day, it dawned on me that the last part of my life waiting to change was my art.

Not my health.
Not my relationships.

My art.

You would think it would have been the first thing.

Instead, it was the last.

So I sat quietly with it.

And that is when Mary Poppins returned.

I rewatched the 1964 film and found myself enchanted all over again.

Not because of the magic.

Not because of the songs.

But because of Mary herself.

She simply is.

She moves with the wind.

And suddenly, I realized how much my art had been carrying.

Identity.

Purpose.

Livelihood.

Proof.

Healing.

Belonging.

Visibility.

Meaning.

Even salvation at times.

No wonder it had become heavy.

No wonder something needed to change.

Through my own path, I had slowly become alive enough to allow my art to be art.

Just art.

Not an answer.

Not protection.

Not evidence.

Not who I am.

Simply a companion.

Life is not easy, and I don’t think it should be.

But if we can keep our curiosity alive, and have enough faith to jump into the chalk painting with Bert, perhaps we can remember that childlike wonder that never really left us.

And perhaps that is what surrender means.

Not giving your life over to another.

But releasing what was never yours to carry.

Remembering who you were all along.

And then I understood.

The wind had changed.

Because I had stopped asking art to carry what only life could carry.