For Love in a Time of Conflict

Every Wednesday, I get out of bed, throw on the same black sweater and open my Mac to facilitate a 30 minute contemplative practice group. I light a handblown glass candle given to me by my cousin after my sister died. There’s something about a ritual like lighting a candle that connects the randomness of a day.

We come from all over to sit in the Silence together.

At the beginning, two women came weekly and now our small group is adding a person here and there.

We begin with a poem, rest in the Silence, then hear the poem again. After sitting in silence, the words land differently on the inside.

Here was last week’s poem by John O’Donohue. In times of conflict, love seems elusive. I’ve wondered if there was ever a time when grace and mercy didn’t feel simplistic when the gentleness between you hardens. If I drop fully into it though, I feel its demands on me as O’Donohue speaks the painful truth: we mirror each other. We all have a part in the dance. Have you ever heard of the Drama Triangle, a psychological model that describes unhealthy interactions in conflict? There are 3 roles:

• Victim: Feels helpless and dependent on others.

• Rescuer: Tries to "help" the victim, often gaining a sense of self-worth from doing so.

• Persecutor: Blames and criticizes others, often feeling superior

A therapist friend taught our Enneagram group about it and said that we tend to take one of the roles more frequently, but if we have a shred of honesty, we play out all three.

With all that being said, we can do psychological analysis until the cows come home, but that keeps us in the thought loops of the mental center. Silence and poetry takes you down into the body and the heart. Few do it better than John O’Donohue.

Before you read, breathe and pause. Then, read it aloud or listen to me read it in the audio. Notice what word or phrase lands inside of you. In the spiritual practice of lectio divina, you read it 3 times. I like to notice how it lands in each center.

You’re welcome to join us on Wednesdays! Here’s the link to register and you will be sent a Zoom link.