Coffee Talk: House Guests and Wine Retreats - A Chat with Valerie About Life in Southwest France

Two years ago, Valerie Rivera moved into a stone house in Castillon-la-Bataille, a town of 3,400 people in southwest France. A retired Air Force veteran who’s lived in Hawaii, Maryland, and Germany, she and her husband looked at Spain, Portugal, and Italy before France bubbled up to the top of the list. And on their last day of househunting in the region, they found their dream home along the Dordogne.

Two years in, Valerie writes Delightfully Disoriented en France, a Substack about the funny stories and hard-won lessons of starting over in the French countryside. She’s also hosted 48 visitors, launched women’s retreats in wine country, and started to adjust to the slower pace of life in a small town. We covered all of it over coffee, so settle in and keep reading!

Q. Valerie, let’s go back to the beginning. A retired Air Force veteran, you’ve lived all over the world, to include Hawaii, Maryland, and Germany. How did you and your husband end up in a 1762 house in a town of 3,400 people in southwest France as an empty nester?

My husband Ralph lived in Berlin in the 80s, so when he got the opportunity to go back to Germany for work, we jumped at it. Turns out we both immensely enjoyed our time in Europe. I learned how to do my daily errands on foot, struggled to learn German, and planned long weekends traveling to different countries with our teenage boys. When Ralph retired, we realized we didn’t want to go back to the United States. So the next question was, where should we land?

We initially looked at Spain, Portugal, and Italy, and thought hard about all the trips we’d taken — what felt like just a holiday versus someplace we could actually live. That’s when France started bubbling up to the top of the list. The more I researched, the more it seemed right. We love food and wine, we felt aligned with the cultural values, and we loved the natural beauty of the country.

Walkability was high on our list, and our dog Phoebe wanted a garden, so we started searching for larger homes in small towns to make our budget stretch. After a bit of a scattershot approach across the country, we came to explore the southwest on a friend’s recommendation. On our last day of house-hunting in the region, we found our coup de coeur — a stone house from the 1700s along the Dordogne River in a small town called Castillon-la-Bataille. Here, we’re within a couple hours’ drive of the Pyrenees, the Atlantic Ocean, and Spain. Plus the Bordeaux airport is only an hour away.

Q. Your Substack is called Delightfully Disoriented en France. Is that still how you feel almost 2 years in, or has the disorientation worn off somewhat? Tell us what made you start writing and what do you enjoy sharing the most?

Yes, I’m still delightfully disoriented, and I don’t think that will ever change. It sounds paradoxical, but the more I learn, the more I realize how much I still have to learn. Honestly, I’m not sure I’d want to live my life any other way!

At the same time, I feel so much more at home than I did in the early days of our move. My French has improved tremendously, and I recognize the patterns of life here in the French countryside. I say bonjour to the regulars at our local dive bar, and they say bonjour back. I know my favorite boulangerie is closed on Wednesdays, and exactly which shop in Castillon or the next town over has what I need.

I started writing here on Substack after a habit of posting updates on Facebook for friends and family. I also had a blog, but it felt like sending my thoughts into a dark void. Substack combined the best of both worlds — a place for long-form content and thoughts, with just enough engagement to make it feel like a conversation. And that gets to the heart of what I like sharing most: funny stories, lessons learned, and the ways this adventure is shaping me in a new stage of life. There are a lot of people out there considering something similar, and I love hearing that something I’ve written has helped along their own journey.

Q. You’ve recently written a post about things you learn from living in Europe, both big and small. What was the most surprising part for you about settling into your life in France? What do you miss the most from the States?

My biggest fear was that we’d be lonely being so far from friends and family. Instead, between a steady stream of visitors and the friends we’ve made here, we feel more connected and social than ever. Definitely not what I expected!

That said, I do get nostalgic about some of the craziest little things. Thick-cut bacon. Costco. Nail salons where you can soak your feet while sitting in a massage chair.

Also — and I have mixed feelings about this one — American-style marketing. In the U.S., there’s always some gimmick or special to chase. Not so much here. Case in point: I was in Paris a couple of months ago, grabbing a light meal with a friend who’d just flown in from California. The sign outside advertised happy hour, so when the waitress handed us menus, I asked about the special. She just pointed at the list of full-price cocktails. I prodded a little further, which got me an exasperated “WHAT?!”

Maybe it was my crappy French. But it seems they’ve adopted the phrase and not the intent — because can you really call it happy hour without half-priced cocktails?

Q. You wrote that you’ve had 45 people visit you over the last 18 months in France. That is a lot of people to make up beds for and entertain. What are your top tips for being a good host as well as a good visitor?

Haha — I miscounted. It was actually 48!

I think the answer is the same for both: communicate, and stay sensitive to each other’s needs. I like to talk with my guests (to be clear, these are all friends and family!) about what kinds of experiences they’re interested in. They don’t need exact places or itineraries, just categories — wine, cheese, a chateau visit, market shopping. Then we figure out the vibe and pace. Is this a relaxing trip in the countryside? A once-in-a-lifetime trip to wine country? Once those guiding principles are in place, I can find things that interest them and me — maybe there’s somewhere new we’ve been wanting to visit, so why not use the excuse of friends in town? And for those moments when I can’t get away from work or some other obligation, it’s a gift to have guests who can wander on their own while I tend to life.

Q. Your consulting work facilitating company offsites has evolved into facilitating women’s retreats in France. Tell us what types of trips you organize and what activities you facilitate for the participants. Is there one area of France that you particularly like to use as the location for your retreats?

After experiencing the calming nature of life here in the southwest, I got tired of watching my corporate clients pick every destination except France. So instead, I teamed up with some amazing friends to launch Clarity Uncorked — retreats for women who need a chance to step away from their busy lives and think through their next chapter. These all-inclusive retreats combine life coaching with French culture, wine, and gastronomy. We stick to southwest France because my teammates have deep roots here, and we vet every chateau, every activity, and every venue in advance. In that respect, we’re very American — we want to optimize the experience for our retreat participants. And we couldn’t have been happier with how the first one turned out!

Our first retreat had us riding e-bikes through vineyards, blending our own wines, and unwinding together with a sound bath, plus touring the incredible towns of Bordeaux and Libourne. Our private chef made sure everyone tried something new, and that every meal was as remarkable as it was well balanced. We couldn’t have been happier with how it turned out!

By the way, I’m still working on convincing my business clients to come out this way. Maybe 2027 will be the year?

Rapid Fire Round

Favorite French dish? Boeuf bourguignon — nothing better on a cold winter day!

Your next vacation destination? Still in the works, but perhaps the Norwegian Fjords next summer. Bonus points if we can time it during a canicule!

Most unique thing you found at a brocante or flea market? Definitely a stuffed badger holding a tray. I wish I had a photo to help you understand how crazy this thing was. For the record, I did not buy it.

Best thing about living in your French town? Cheering on this little town as it reinvents itself for the future! I get excited for each new business opening and each new road repaved. I joke that in another life, I would have loved to be an urban designer, so getting a front-row seat to this renewal is a joy.

One tip you would give to someone moving to France? When something doesn’t make sense to you, get curious. Don’t be surprised if your version of common sense is not common here. Put on your “anthropologist hat” and discover the cultural underpinnings. This will help you understand the why, and it will ultimately help you integrate.

You can follow Valerie’s adventures in Castillon-la-Bataille at Delightfully Disoriented en France, and if a week of vineyards, e-bikes, and thinking through your next chapter sounds like exactly what you need, her Clarity Uncorked retreats run in southwest France.

Know someone with a story that belongs in this series? I’m always looking for my next Coffee Talk guest, so please reach out at leaveittoanna@gmail.com and let me know!