Do you do resolutions? I always choose a fun one—in 2023, mine was to wear more color and less black. I bought purple boots, wore them twice, and called it a win. This year, it’s to add more whimsy in my day-to-day. Maybe you are doing a 26-for-26 list, Gretchen Rubin style. Or maybe, like my friend Katie, you are setting weekly intentions. However you choose to look at what’s ahead for 2026, I have some (manageable!) suggestions for things you can do to feel in control of your job as a caregiver in the new year.
Ask your parent a question about their life. What was it like when they were in elementary school? What did they think they wanted to be when they grew up? Did they always want to be a parent? Do they remember a great birthday gift or party they can tell you about? Starting to ask questions opens a dialogue that you’ll be glad you had when your parent is gone, and it will bring you closer to your parent when they’re still here, which will make any caregiving task easier. For bonus points, ask them questions while you let them drive you someplace.
Look into the laws regarding health care decisions in your state. In Florida, all that’s required is a simple form, signed with a couple of witnesses. It’s easy to do this in your parent’s doctor’s office with them, so the doctor has it on file, but you can do it anywhere you can get witnesses and then share it as needed. A form like this will allow you to access your parent’s medical records, speak to doctors and nurses on their behalf, and make medical decisions in the event of an emergency.
Ask someone close to your parent how they think your parent is doing. Make this a casual, concerned kind of question, not a gossip quest. (Though “Gossip Quest” would be a great name for a podcast.) Is there a friend, neighbor, or relative who has more contact with your parent than you do, or who knows your parent in a slightly different context? Ask casually how they think your parent is dealing with the challenges of aging.
Tell your parent what you want. The natural order of things is that we lose our parents, but sometimes, parents lose a child. In the event of the latter, what would you want your parent to do as far as your memorial service, burial or cremation, emergency medical decisions? You don’t have to frame every conversation about medical decisions or death as “this is going to happen to you, soon, Mom!” — you can also frame conversations as, “I’ve been thinking about what I would want if something were to happen to me.” Flipping the script this way might help you ease into tougher topics.
Learn a little bit about insurance. There are so many misconceptions about what Medicare covers, who qualifies for Medicaid, and who will pay for what at what age. So much is changing in the health insurance landscape in January, so it’s a natural time to bring up the topic with your parent. “Hey, what insurances do you have right now? Is anything changing for your coverage in the new year?”
Celebrate something. It’s been a rough year. We lost both my mom’s best friend and her younger sister, and I’ve been struggling. It feels like we lost two big pieces of my mom, and she’s been gone since 2007, so there are only so many pieces left. I miss her most this time of year, and if you still have your parents, I urge you to celebrate who they are right now, not just who they were for you when you were younger. Find something fun you can do with them in 2026, even if it doesn’t look the same as it would have five or 10 years ago.
Happy New Year, LFMM readers! I appreciate you reading Learn From My Mistakes this year, and I’m looking forward to growing this little community in the new year. This newsletter is free, and I encourage you to share it with anyone who may be approaching this stage of life.
What would you like to see in Learn From My Mistakes in 2026? Let me know in the comments.
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