My First FREE Birth

BIRTH STORY ft. the Fetal Ejection Reflex and a retained placenta

First off WOW.

This was our first home birth - a free birth. I told y’all I had planned to drive to a big beautiful birthing hospital in Northwest Arkansas for this baby. Because I was too afraid of complications after Fin, and afraid that the fear itself would make it too hard for me to birth.

But as I got further past my due date, each day I got more…tired. I kind of retreated into myself, into my mind, in such a way that I just didn’t have the *energy* to travel. I didn’t have the energy to be afraid, either. I was just in a different realm: tired, but locked in and ready at the same time.

I also got the deep feeling that we wouldn’t make the 3 hour drive anyway, I knew he was going to come quickly.

Around midnight on the 11th, I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t having regular contractions, but I just had a FEELING along with constant menstrual cramp-type sensation.

I walked around the house, went back and forth between the living room and the bed. Just kind of pacing, waiting.

Contractions started to organize into true waves around 2am and I woke Nick.

Something I had learned after 4 births was to not fight each wave, but visualize what it was *doing*. Watching it with my mind’s eye, feeling where it started and where it went. Seeing the purpose of the sensation rather than resisting it or dreading it. This 10000% helped labor go so quickly. I wasn’t interrupting my body with my brain.

My legs were so tired from being pregnant, I couldn’t stand for long - and found myself on the toilet. I’d heard great things about sitting on the toilet for births and CAN CONCUR! I was on and off the toilet maybe twice just trying to get comfortable. Took a break and moved to the living room.

I found myself sitting over the couch; and I had that moment I have every single time: I can’t do this.

I told Nick, “ugh I’m sorry we didn’t just go to the hospital! This was dumb. I want an epidural. This is the worst!”

We both knew I would say all of these things, of course, and we had even rehearsed it 😅 Nick didn’t really argue with me OR validate me, just kept holding me, squeezing my hips. Being physically present. The counter pressure was EVERYTHING and it made each contraction feel so much better.

I moved back to the toilet one last time, this time sitting on it backwards. I was still in my head, vocalizing my thoughts to Nick. Because I was still kind of trying plan my escape, like, how can I get out of this??

Finally I said to him: “okay, here’s the plan. I’m going to stop thinking about escaping and just go through it. We’re doing this.”

And minutes later, I had the Fetal Ejection Reflex.

I thought I had so much further to go. For every past birth I’ve always had someone telling me when to push, or updating me on my “progress.” This time there was none of that. No reference point for anything. Just IN IT.

As I was on the toilet backwards, the first FER push hit me. BOOM I exploded and my water broke into the toilet. It was THE CRAZIEST THING I’VE FELT IN MY LIFE.

My body took over. There was this incredibly forceful PUSH that came from deep inside of me, completely from me but also definitely *not* me.

Like a sneeze on steroids. It was shocking. Traumatic? Not sure, but definitely scary and amazing at the same time.

I thought for sure I had been ripped wide open. I didn’t feel “close enough” to be pushing, but I wasn’t in the driver’s seat, not really able to argue with what was happening. It happened a second time and BOOM his head was out.

I tried to tell Nick what was happening but it was so fast - I moved off the toilet and held myself up over the floor. Nick caught him just in time. I remember him asking “are you catching him or am I?

I couldn’t catch the baby because I was holding my body up so I didn’t sit on him.

And then he was out!!

Nick caught him just in time.

I took him and inspected him; he was crying so definitely breathing! None of our boys came out crying - I wonder if the FER scared him, too.

I said “go get the boys!”

Nick went and got the boys from their room so they could come see. Only Hudson and Thompson came, Gus our 3yo said “no thanks” because he was too sleepy haha.

So the boys weren’t there for the birth after all, but he was definitely how it needed to be. They got to see saw the raw everything else, though. Me still on the bathroom floor, fresh baby, still attached by the cord. Their faces LIT UP. The baby we’ve all waited for was finally here!

We moved to my bed and the boys looked at him with sleepy but excited eyes. Laughing at his movements. They had the giggles like crazy, I’ll never forget it. Just JOY.

I was still having full-on labor contractions, needing Nick to squeeze my hips. Had the adrenaline shakes. The labor pains wouldn’t stop and after a bit, it was time to send the boys back to bed.

It ended up being 3 hours later, still having contractions and no placenta, that we decided to go to our local hospital.

I was SO BUMMED because all I wanted to do was stay in my own bed. That’s what I wanted the most from the home birth — the HOME part! 😭

But we had tried massaging my abdomen, and I had even tugged on the cord (even though I’ve heard never to do this) — it just caused such bad contractions. And it was STUCK.

Nick clamped and cut the cord so we could get baby dressed and into the car seat.

My parents came to the house to be with the boys, and Nick drove us to the hospital.

The staff were KIND and CHILL and RELAXED and I was grateful for that. No negative vibes whatsoever.

The doctor did some very aggressive uterine massage and then pulled the cord hard enough to release the placenta.

MY GOSH IT WAS STUCK and there’s no way we would have pulled that hard at home. I would have been too scared to do that!

Didn’t have much bleeding at all, actually the least bleeding of any birth.

Stayed for the rest of the day to monitor bleeding and then came HOME.

Now I’m deep in the no-sleep, milk-coming-in, newborn snuggles, “LOOK AT HIS FACE” days right now 🥹

Just studying him, trying to decide which brother he looks like most, memorizing his face.

Feels so so surreal, having an actual baby in my arms. It feels like it’s been way way too long 😭🥹🤎 So grateful for this sweet new life!!

And for real this time, this is the last one 😅👌🏼🤎