Thoughts While Assembling IKEA Furniture

Thoughts while assembling IKEA furniture:

These cam lock nuts have gotten thinner. They used to be made of steel at least. I know I never broke one before. And it’s not that I don’t have amazing forearms. Ninety percent of my 90s / “I’m just saying if you lost a little weight… (you might be worthy of love)’ anxiety was transferred to the state of my forearms and barber drama. The barber drama has been solved because Morgan Longford cuts my hair now and it looks like…. Nevermind.

We were talking about cam lock nuts. I shouldn’t be strong enough to break one without trying. I know they are called cam lock nuts because IKEA has trained me. They have been training us. We used to just stack some boards on some cinder blocks we stole from somewhere. Bookshelf, done. Or we’d find one on a curb. Notice it smelled like cat piss when we got it home. Set it back on the curb and hope. Someone would move in with someone who already had the book thing sorted. So they’d give you their bookshelf. I got a bookshelf from a coke dealer that I lugged around for years. It was a sweet bookshelf.

The point is, one day, someone had a car and you actually had $90 dollars to your name. You’d been saving. One day, you went down to IKEA. You learned something about yourself that day. You have the same disease as everyone else, just, smaller. You do want a cool apartment, with a Hemnes day bed. You want a robin’s egg wardrobe with gold door pulls. You want spice racks and candles. Holy fuck they’re only two dollars! You can own candles! Not today. You only have enough for the Billy. But the Billy comes together easy. They’ve even replaced the nails on the back, the ones you always kinda fucked up honestly. Now they use something like automotive trim pins. I know. Mindblowing.

Let’s drop a paywall here.