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Themes in chapters 7-12: Langar & Jesus’s Table // The Scariest Choice // Evangelicalism & International Mission Trips // Washing Machine Wins // Set the Broken Bones // Doubting Thomas

Kids playing outside during the audio Bible distribution for people with blindness.

What an aptly named chapter.

Not only was on-page Lauren wrestling with a scary choice, but so was writing Lauren. As I sat down to write about what came next in this story, I was terrified.

That’s why this chapter took me over a year to write. Not because I didn’t know what happened, but because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to face it.

I’d just spent eight chapters wrestling with the harm, struggle, and deep tension I felt toward American evangelical Christianity. And yet, here on the page, my past self was about to walk back into that world. Writing this chapter meant asking myself hard questions about why: was it self-betrayal? Naïveté? A genuine call toward something good?

I was a little afraid of what my readers would think. But even more than that, I was afraid of what I would find once I dug in.

What emerged was a level of honesty I still respect, even if it only reflected my thoughts at a particular moment in time. This chapter captures my internal war between resistance and curiosity, fear and courage, dogma and action. I needed to be honest about the cost of stepping back into ministry spaces, about how this decision could very well be a bad one, and how, sometimes, the scariest choice can still be the right one.

I made the choice to keep showing up, even when I didn’t have all the answers.

I worked to embrace nuance, even when it was uncomfortable.

I refused to let fear—of others, of myself, of past pain—be the thing that dictated my future.

A young girl shows her grandma, who is blind, how to use her audio Bible. Toward the end, you can see the grandma wobble her head from side to side in awe and understanding.

*Parents of babies and young children often put smudged makeup and/or eyeliner on their faces. This is sometimes cosmetic and sometimes to protect them from the “evil eye”*

*A chaiwallah and his open-air sidewalk set-up*

🐒 Check out this look into how one Indian city is trying to adapt to prevent “monkey business.”

🥘 Curious about trying Indian cuisine? If you’ve never had Indian, the menus (even the Americanized ones) can be intimidating. Here are some newbie-friendly dishes I’d recommend for state-side taste-testing:

Sides/Starters -

Chicken 65 - Crispy, golden-fried chicken coated in a bold blend of chili, garlic, and aromatic spices. Each bite delivers an addictive crunch followed by a burst of tangy heat, balanced with curry leaves and a squeeze of fresh lemon.
Naan - A pillowy Indian flatbread perfectly soft with a slight chew and a beautifully blistered, golden exterior. Brushed with butter or garlic, it’s warm, fluffy, and irresistibly fragrant.

Mains -

Korma - Tender, slow-cooked meat or vegetables in a rich, velvety sauce. Infused with warm, aromatic spices and blended with cashews, yogurt, caramelized onions, garlic, and ginger…this is one of my favorite dishes. Enjoy over rice.
Biryani - A fragrant, spice-infused dish where tender meat or vegetables are layered with saffron-kissed basmati rice and slow-cooked to perfection. Every bite bursts with warm spices, rich ghee, and fresh herbs.

Dessert

Gulab Jamun - Think: donut holes. Soft, melt-in-your-mouth pastry balls deep-fried to perfection and soaked in a warm, cardamom-infused sugar syrup. Each bite is bursting with sweet, floral flavors.
Mango lassi - A creamy, dreamy blend of ripe mangoes, velvety yogurt, and a hint of cardamom, all swirled together into a sweet, tangy, sippable treat. Sometimes topped with pistachios.
Kashmiri Naan - That same pillowy flatbread, but this one is stuffed with a sweet filling of dried fruits, nuts, and sometimes coconut before being baked to golden perfection. Slightly chewy, with bursts of sweetness in every bite.

Below are some questions and prompts related to the themes present in these chapters. Answer or elaborate on any, all, or none in the comments below:

Tell me about the most memorable meal you’ve ever had, the kind that nourished not just your body but your soul, the kind that might’ve happened at Jesus’s table.
Are you facing a “scariest choice” right now? Why is it scary?
Tell me about your experience with international mission trips.
Those small changes that are indicative of huge change? I’ve started calling them “washing machine wins” after my washing machine lassi moment. What’s one of your most recent washing machine wins?
Is doubt a part of your spiritual journey? Tell me about that.

Read Along: Chapters 7-12

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