Styling yourself out of a Slump

Historically I have always been one to abandon all non-essential tasks when I’m going through a stressful time in life. When I was newly separated from my now ex-husband I remember having zero mental energy, and pared my getting-ready routine down to the pure basics, deciding that as long as I was dressed and not crying that was good enough to go to my social work job. My baseline became looking juuuust well enough to avoid inspiring others to ask “are you ok?” which was basically my worst nightmare at the time because no, I was absolutely not ok. I got used to wearing these sad grey jeans (I now despise grey jeans to this day) and as little color as possible, because going unnoticed became my comfy cocoon. This went on for so long that when I told my therapist that I was thinking of blowing up my life and becoming a personal stylist she gave me a questioning look as if I was the last person on earth to be doling out style advice.

I hadn’t connected this uninspired way of presenting myself with a lack of interest in style and fashion, I just thought I was surviving by saving all my spare energy for my job. In the battle for my attention and energy, my horrible marital state and demanding social work job took center stage. Something similar happened during the pandemic, when I moved to Taos without bringing much with me, I got used to the way my face looks without makeup, and began to enjoy the lack of morning routine. One night I put on makeup for a party and I remember Ashley acting a little too surprised by how nice I looked in eye makeup, like she was seeing a vision from the past.

Something about living in a place with zero social pressure to look a certain way paired with the freedom of being able to craft a new identity in this new place opened up the possibility of engaging a non-mandatory routine in my life, and a seed of creative inspiration began to sprout. This happens to my clients who are in any kind of transition, especially if they’re embarking on new jobs or a new relationship status, they discover the freedom of self-expression when the burden of having people know what they used to look like is lifted. It’s always very exciting to help clients in this space because having a clean start doesn’t come along that often in life, and playing with your appearance is much easier when you’re not in a fishbowl of everyone who’s seen you every day up until the moment you decide to experiment with your style.

But not everyone is able to become a butterfly in the peace and quiet of a mountain town, and you don’t have to blow up your entire life and career to add a little more zest to your self-care routine. If' you’re zest-curious but maybe not fully expressed quite yet, here are a few places you can begin to focus on to pull yourself out of a slump or just shake it up a bit when it comes to how you show up in life.

Accessories. Focusing on small additions that you can wear with your existing wardrobe can be a great place to start because the addition of a well-placed belt, sculptural earrings, or funky shoe can change the whole vibe of an outfit without it being super clear to the casual observer what exactly has changed.

• When I want a little more polish in my outfits (as 99.9% of you say you also want), I will throw a belt on with my casual outfit because defining the waist can pull your whole frame into proportion with very little effort.

• A pointy toed shoe or a shoe with some kind of special color or characteristic can add that polish or personality to your regular outfit rotation.

• Shopping for accessories can happen more naturally—like that necklace you found at the street fair or on a trip to India, or the earrings your kid made you, or you bought from a local maker. The more meaning you can connect to your accessories, the better!

Color Pairings. When was the last time you played dress-up in your closet just for fun, not because you’re trying to find an outfit for dinner at the very last minute? This act can be life-changing and I know because my job is essentially playing in my clients closets. The excitement of finding unworn outfit combos in a closet is so rewarding because it’s free (duh) and you’re already working with stuff that you know you (probably) already like.

• Try to make an outfit with all different shades of one color, or try pairing colors you were always told don’t go together, like black and navy or black and brown. Breaking the “rules” is a confident move.

• Sometimes when I am putting my clothes away I move them all around on a rack to see who looks cute next to who and sometimes I find combos I’ve never noticed before.

• Some of my favorite unexpected color pairings right now are light blue and brown, burgundy with peach or pink, and butter yellow with brown or grey.

  

Makeup. I spoke about this last month when I realized how much the simple act of wearing blush brought me joy, and I started getting inspired to play with my makeup again. I hadn’t focused on cosmetics in years and there was a lot to learn about all the new formulas and techniques but wow it’s so easy to use makeup as a gateway to creative self-expression.

• Paying a little attention to your skincare and makeup application can create an overall polished vibe for your whole outfit, and I find that my oversized, casual outfits look more intentional when I also have on some makeup. I’m a 90s gal after all, and a composed face with disheveled clothes is basically the same as a dress with combat boots.

• The getting-ready ritual can give you some structure or enforce some creative space for you. If you’re someone who rarely makes time for creative pursuits, your makeup routine can scratch this itch, and if you’re someone with very little structure in your life, a makeup routine can help you focus your day.

• You start to notice new things (or focus less on your flaws). I’m aging without any botox or face procedures, and finding color corrector for my under eye has single-handedly dissolved an inner voice that was once hyper-fixated on my dark circles. Using makeup to draw attention to your favorite features is similar to putting a belt on to define your waist. When I look at my face now I just see EYES, and now I can go back to focusing on my neck lines ;)

Drop a comment on where you’re at with your creative self-expression these days, and I would love to hear your responses to the following:

What is your favorite part of getting ready?

Have you ever dropped and then picked back up a self-care or style routine? What changed for you?

Do you think about being perceived while you’re getting ready or are you more focused on yourself/what you like/the story you want to tell?

As always, feel free to schedule a free call with me if you want to learn more about getting support around zesting up your style this summer. I’m here to walk you through a transformative process with you at the center (not what the fashion world or trend cycle wants) and can help you find the process that works for you.