44 things I know at 44

Last week was my birthday. I’m now officially in my mid-forties, 14 years on from a cancer diagnosis and four years into life with incurable cancer.

Here are a few things I’ve learned…

1. No matter how happy you feel, there’ll always be days where you feel like total shit… and no matter how much self-love you have, you’ll still hate yourself sometimes

2. You’ll never regret going outside, or picking up a book

3. If you want the dress, and can afford the dress, buy the dress

4. If something, or someone, isn’t making you happy, it’s OK to walk away

5. When you feel sad, remember to feel the feelings. Don’t rush to be ‘fine’

6. Instagram only shows the good bits

7. Social media can be a brilliant source of connection, but it will make you feel rubbish sometimes

8. You’re not the only one who feels like a dick whenever you post something personal, nor are you the only one who incessantly refreshes their feed to check for comments and likes. We all crave positive reinforcement

9. Hanging out with your cat or dog is guaranteed to bring you more joy than scrolling online

10. If you find yourself jealous of someone, ask yourself this: have they achieved something I want to achieve? If so, how can I achieve that thing?

11. A partner won’t ‘complete’ you – you are whole and complete on your own

12. If they don’t message back, they’re just not that into you

13. It’s always better to be single than in an unhappy relationship

14. If they call their ex ‘crazy,’ run a mile

15. Marriage isn’t a ‘happy ever after'. It’s just another beginning

16. Just because there’s a free evening in your calendar, doesn’t mean you have to fill it

17. You’re allowed to say ‘no’ because you just don’t feel like it; it’s OK to not be a party person

18. Friendships ebb and flow; it’s OK to drift apart

19. You don’t have to have kids to be happy

20. There are many different ways to have a family (one of my all-time favourite books, Detransition, Baby, will teach you just that)

21. It’s OK to love cats more than people

22. It’s possible to have incurable cancer and still be happy

23. It’s not your fault you got cancer

24. A metastatic diagnosis isn’t the end

25. The only ‘diet’ you should follow is a balanced one

26. Food = joy

27. Say yes to that slice of cake

28. No matter how skinny you are in your twenties and thirties, and no matter how much exercise you do, you will put on weight in your forties and during menopause. It’s a fact of life

29. The older you get, the fewer shits you’ll give, but you’ll never be entirely shitless

30. Ageing is a privilege. Your next birthday isn’t guaranteed

31. That thing you’re self-conscious or worried about? No one else cares

32. You’ll never look as good as you did in your twenties, but you’ll also never look as good as you do now. Wear the bikini

33. You’re never too old to Do The Thing

34. Quitting isn’t failure. You can start again the next day

35. You don’t need to ‘earn your age’. Earn whatever you need to survive and to enjoy life. There’s no magic number

36. Saving is important, but so is spending – don’t forget to invest some of that hard-earned money back into your happiness. You might not be here come retirement

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37. No matter how many times you check the box that says ‘Do not subscribe me to this mailing list,’ they will always subscribe you to the mailing list

38. Putting the duvet into the duvet cover will never not be a ballache

39. There are few greater joys than sending back an online shopping order and seeing the money go back into your account

40. Amazon is no longer the cheapest place to buy books – and your local bookshop is infinitely more joyful

41. It’s OK to ask for help

42. Life is hard. Be kind to yourself

43. If in doubt, write a list

44. You’ve always wanted to write a book/take up pottery/dye your hair pink/book that trip? Don’t put if off for that distant day that might never come. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed

Got your own learnings? Feel free to share them in the comments!

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