Don't Silence the Inner Critic, Re-mother her

I’ve been wondering lately if the Inner Critic is a corrupted Inner Mother. I’m not sure if I have the answer, but here’s what’s swirling in my mind.

The Inner Critic is likely a protection mechanism gone somewhat awry. An Inner Critic is the solidification of negative self-talk into a persistent and relentless habit. The Inner Critic is the accumulation of beliefs about ourselves that are negative, that we’re not good enough for praise, or even kindness. These negative beliefs, when they coalesce into one’s sense-of-self, become the foundation of identity. And our own internal voices become the very beliefs that hold us back from fully enjoying our own lives.

I’ve seen a lot of therapists online talking about how these negative ideas need to be interrogated, that we just need to be shown how they are inaccurate. But, that would never have worked for me.

Both of my parents, but particularly my mother, had extremely powerful Inner Critics. My mom narrated her entire life through hers. She’d drop something and she’d say out loud “Anne, you’re such a clutz”, or she’d make a mistake and say “oh, I’m so dumb.” This narrative lay over the top of everything she did, even the tiny, insignificant, and mundane.

So, I thought that’s how people spoke to themselves internally. It never occurred to me that an internal voice could be caring, pleasant, encouraging. I only ever knew criticism and shaming. And so my Inner Critic also developed a berating and cruel tone.

I’m not sure I could successfully argue with this Inner Critic. I don’t think that logic breaks through habit and belief when it’s created so early, so underneath consciousness. It wasn’t like I decided to be mean to myself one day when I was trying to figure out how to be motivated. It was something that was embedded in my habits, it was just part of the way being human worked.

So, what do we do when logic doesn’t touch something that deep? While I don’t think it’s particularly fruitful to argue with the voices, I do think having different experiences, filling in the realm of what’s possible, might be a good avenue. That is, can you consciously set up and intentionally take in experiences that call into question the negative beliefs?

How, you might ask? Maybe we start with the natural world instead of with people. I found out, by accident, how important it can be to get away from the voices that reinforce negative self-talk long enough to hear your own, probably very quiet, voice pop into your head.

While I’m not recommending that everyone take a job on a remote island for four months, that is how I found out about my own inner voice — the one that wasn’t so mean. It was inherently kinder, more forgiving, and more realistic, than the Inner Critic. I came back from that trip feeling confident in myself, capable, and hopeful.

If you’re not going to head out into the ocean for a few months, how would you do this? Intentionally, I think, would be the answer. I was on that island for a long time before my brain shifted gears and settled into something that was more truly “me.” The thing is, it didn’t last. I came back to many of the same relationships and situations that I had always responded to with the critical voice. And the Inner Critic was triggered back into action.

But, I knew more this time. I knew that the natural world was soothing to my system, something about being neighbors with seabirds, turtles, and seals, about watching sunsets, and tuning my daily rhythms to the sky, sea, and weather, anchored me. And, I could tap back into those practices, noticing the quail that venture into my yard, the way the sky changes through the day, the way the plants respond to the changing seasons. With the intention to find that regulation again through the movements of the natural world, I could find my genuine voice easier.

So, I invite you to go outside and let your body tune itself to what is around you. The movement of the air in the trees, the birds calling to one another, the ants working together, and just notice what you notice. Is what you notice a bigger truth you can apply to life? Is it a more forgiving rule than what the Inner Critic offers?

The Inner Critic doesn’t have to magically disappear, in fact, I think that’s undesirable. I do think the Inner Critic has her place. She keeps us true to ourselves. She double checks, she keeps us on track with what we’re really up to. She’ll be the first one who notices something isn’t going well.

We don’t really want the Inner Critic to disappear, but we also don’t want her to be the whole vibe of the Inner Mother, right? The Inner Mother needs to differentiate herself from the Inner Critic in order to be healthy, whole, life-affirming, kind, and in order to let us live the life that is for us. The goal is just to have her take her correct place as part of our whole and complete being.

For more on building a nature practice, my Mother Nature course starts June 3. It’s an email course culminating in a live Zoom call on June 17, 2026.

Also, for a personalized experience with leaning into the natural world, I do virtual or in-person one-day retreats.

May you find solace in nature, may you be held by Mother Nature, may you know that you are supported by earth, and loved by the Universe.