I Can't Stop Being Hard on Myself

Every week for paid subscribers, I’ll be sharing a meditation and short exercise to help you navigate a specific behavior in the way of your goals (for example, procrastination, undercharging, overworking, etc.)

This week’s focus is about being really hard on yourself and I’ve made it free for everyone. If you’re a free subscriber, please consider upgrading.

You watch yourself do this from a safe distance, with no obligation to fix it. Then, you go back and meet the version of you who first decided being hard on yourself was necessary. Then, you find where you’ve been holding it in your body (most people find it in the jaw, the shoulders, or the chest) and you put some of it down. Finally, you end as the version of you who makes a mistake and simply meets it with self-compassion.

Here is a short exercise you can do when that inner critic starts to get loud:

Unclench your fists. Turn your hands palm-up on your thighs. One slow breath: in for four, long out through the mouth. Let the exhale be the release.

Why this works: Self-criticism isn’t really a thinking problem. It runs on physical activation, which is why you’ve never once managed to argue your way out of it. Two things here are doing the work. A longer exhale than inhale slows your heart rate directly, it’s one of the only voluntary levers you have on your own nervous system. And your clenched hands are part of the loop: your brain reads your body for evidence about whether you’re under threat, and open palms are a different answer than fists.