Who is really winning the trans debate?

Observing the world today makes it difficult not to fall into desperate anxiety.

Are we really here again? Yes, we seem to be. But it has been building up to this for years. 2025 seems to be the opening of Pandora’s box. Trumps inauguration was a big middle finger to justice and the confirmation that the so-called democratic system is crumbling. In America, but we see the ripples in Europe.

History teaches us that scapegoats always come in handy when you want to start a war.
And make no mistake, this is a war. As it happens, one of the scapegoats today are trans people.

Modern warfare

Before the Internet, war was visible, physical, undeniable. On either side you have the enemy, the soldier, the citizen, the spy and of course the head of the state initiating orders to attack or retreat.

In today’s world, a new kind of war emerges.

· The battlefield is not a country, it’s our mind and scroll feed.

· The enemy is the one that is threatening our values.

· The soldiers are us, commenting on posts.

· The spies are tech bots, analysing our behaviour and words.

· The heads of state are big tech CEO’s and politicians working together.

Who wins in the end, especially using big social media platforms as the war field?
Big tech and fear-driven politics, that’s who. They make billions out of our attempts at communicating our fears and needs with each other through ads and selling data.

Some facts

Meta (the company that owns Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp) has made some wild decisions these past few months.

- Not correcting fake news

- Allowing hate speech towards LGBTQIA+ members

- Publicly supporting Trump and his politics, abandoning their neutral facade

This was in The New York Times and several other reliable sources. These are facts.

At the same time, Elon Musk, the CEO from X (formerly known as Twitter) has been given access to a large database of personal data from government employees under the name of DOGE. This is another war tactic of gaining control over people. Knowledge is power. Also a fact.

Fight smarter, not harder

Does all this mean it isn’t possible to stand up for trans rights, safety, privacy or other human values? Oh it sure is.

The main message here is that we have to be smart about how we show up. At the moment anyone who is liking, posting and vlogging with noble intent on Meta or X, is also being used as a foot soldier. And because we are fighting mainly on enemy terrain, we can’t win or expect to be treated correctly. There is little our justice state can do about that, even in Europe. I suspect that the ones who instigate this debate by imposing laws and restricting rights don’t have a strong personal opinion about trans people, they are not threatened in real life by their existence. It’s basically market research and picking out what will be most polarizing to ensure viral content nowadays.

The power we do have is shift the way we try to reach each other and how we impact conversations.

One of the most successful tactics to change voting or an outlook on life is direct conversation. In an experiment before elections they had young people phone their grandparents and ask them personally to change their (extreme) right-wing vote, and also explaining why, how it affected them or their friends. It became very personal, but it worked. Because we are more willing to listen when it’s someone we love, generational gaps are no excuse.

Fear can divide but also connect

Remember, what both sides of the debate today have in common, is fear. To give an example from a female point of view:

The trans woman is afraid of violence.

The cisgender woman is afraid of violence.

The misunderstanding (especially with the bathroom conversation) is that trans women are a threat to cis women, when actually they are in the same boat, usually being attacked by male bigots. Trans women are women, they just have so much more they have to overcome than when you were assigned female at birth. They need our support and love, not our fear.

But politicians and tech villains are using this fear and the misunderstandings against us. It’s funny how after fighting so long for women’s safety and rights, for equality, dangerous men in power are still pestering us with these tactics and profiting from them. Because that is what they are doing, plain and simple. Gathering more fear-based money and power with a smart addictive algorithm. Ad after ad. Your feed is not innocent. Remember that time when Facebook was just a few photo albums from a night out with your friends? Compare it to what you eat up every day now, scrolling. We are willing to pay for streaming services so we don’t have ads on television, yet we keep scrolling through hundreds of ads a day on social platforms on the off-chance we see something we can connect to.

But back to the polarising factor of it all, especially in the trans debate. What we have to remember is that curiosity, kindness and understanding are very effective counter tactics. We need to learn to talk to each other from a place of curiosity, that is what overcomes fear and a lack of knowledge or compassion. And trans people can’t do this work on their own.

Solutions

If you want to be an ally for trans people or any demographic under attack, this might be a start:

Instead of commenting to strangers and bots on enemy owned platforms, start the conversation at the dinner table, in your own environment, where you work, where you play soccer, … . React when you hear someone make a discriminating comment or joke about trans people. Don’t be silent in real life. Trust that you make a difference then and there.

If you do use the Internet to speak up, be smart about how and where. Meta feels like a sinking ship to me. Let it sink, and look for another place to spread your message and support your work. They (Meta) are counting on you not leaving because everyone and their aunt is a member. Hit them where it hurts, not being able to advertise as much because there are less people to advertise to. Take your community with you.

A lot of smart people are working on decentralized open source platforms to connect trough social media. Educate yourself, ask around. See what’s there. Be willing to pay maybe. When something is free, you are either the product or the resource.

And get off Whatsapp. Even in Europe, I have lost all faith that this is an innocent messaging app. It listens and then feeds you certain stuff on Instagram and Facebook. If you reread what decisions Meta has made in the last few months, you drop it out of common sense.
The app Signal (open source and no sold data) seems to be a good alternative, but I advise doing your own research.

Conclusion

The war is here, what side are you on? And how do you choose to fight? Do you see who you are really up against and how you are used?

You might think this has nothing to do with you, but it does. Every user on social media who is actively debating or liking, this or other polarizing topics, is part of this dynamic.

I am posting this on any platform that I support. Feel free to share this again in the way you feel is appropriate.