“Why I Made an Episode About Killing Your Ego (And Why I Failed)”

I was at a coffee shop in LA when I overheard two people absolutely shitting on a painting.

“Omg look at this one” “Atrocious.” They whispered to each other.

And I thought: What if I was the artist sitting right there enjoying a latte and heard that shit? That thought turned into a Google Doc and That Google Doc turned into “Ego Death Trip.” my latest episode.

I wanted to explore a few things i’ve heard throughout my time as a creative. Separate your work from your worth. Being process-oriented. Think hobbies, fun projects. Scaling your work. Meaning merch, hoodies, coffee mugs. Or more of a guerilla monk energy, just completely letting go which kind of leads to nothing.

And they’re all bullshit. Because the detachment doesn’t pay rent. And life is a marathon. A scaled soul is not natural. It’s eventually every villain story. It’s amazon. Scaling your soul turns you into a monster.

But letting go completely means your hands start disappearing (like in the episode)

For this episode i tried to make three distinct characters. And I was watching Spike Lee’s Macolm X and thought it’d be more fun to use his different voices in scenarios.

The Friend - wants you to detach (mindfulness culture)

Daddy-o - wants you to scale (capitalist hustle)

The Spiritual Guide - wants you to transcend (spiritual bypass)

All three promise freedom.

All three lead to the same place: gone. EGO DEATH!

I’m a middle child. Humor’s always been my thing - long road trips, keeping everyone entertained, turning nothing into something.

In 2nd grade, I’d have kids draw anything on paper and I’d turn it into a story. A squiggly line became a dragon. The number 5 became a lion.

That skill of making something out of nothing is what I still do.

But here’s the thing about being a creative in America right now:

The culture is making art worthless. Streaming pays pennies. AI floods the market with uncurated slop. Everyone wants content, nobody wants to pay for it.

So you’re told: Just make art for yourself! Detach from outcomes! Let go of ego!

But also: You need to eat. You need health insurance. Your rent went up again.

So which is it? Do I kill my ego and starve? Or feed my ego and become the kind of person I hate?

This episode doesn’t answer that question. None of them really do. It just shows you what happens when you try all three paths and the spoiler is: none of them work. Because maybe the problem isn’t your ego. Maybe it’s the system that requires you to have no needs while also demanding you produce endlessly.