Changemakers Confidential: Nicky

“Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings.” ~Sweet Home Alabama

Nicky and I crossed paths professionally about five years ago, and something that struck me about her then - and still does today - is her old soul energy. She is thoughtful, wise, intentional, and deeply insightful, and one of the best listeners I know. Nicky always makes you feel seen and heard; she is also super encouraging and seems to know better than you do sometimes that it’s all going to work out! All of these amazing qualities were present as we chatted recently about her story on navigating and learning from change; I’m humbled to share our conversation with you below. Thank you for reading!

Kristina: what would you say is your general philosophy on change? Do you see it as an opportunity for learning/growth? Something to be avoided? It depends?

Nicky: I think that change is always an opportunity for growth and character-building. It can be hard, it’s often challenging, but we come out better for it - it’s part of the journey we’re all on, to be in change. I also think the mindset you have has a lot to do with it, too.

Kristina: I totally agree with you that mindset is a big part of it. In your opinion, what’s a mindset that helps someone (mostly) successfully navigate change?

Nicky: Unfortunately, I think most folks’ reaction to change isn’t one of curiosity or excitement, which can sometimes convey that people don’t see it as something good or beneficial to them. When I encountered this type of reaction in the work I did, I’d ask myself, how do we break things down into manageable parts? Finding the first next step, whatever it was and no matter how small it seemed, usually got us moving in the right direction. What I find holds people back in their mindset around change is often something they may not even be aware of (see, I told you she was wise and insightful!). The question then becomes, where is that resistance coming from? What is it that’s holding them back? It’s so important to understand what is spoken…and what isn’t.

Kristina: So, so true. Let’s pivot to you and your change story for a bit…would you share an example of how change has shown up in your life? What was it and how did you respond to it?

Nicky: Sure, I’ve got an example I can share. It was 2012, and I was working in financial services. I’d been in that industry for years, and on a specific path that I’d imagined for myself as being successful and what I “should” be doing. I thought I’d retire from that organization when I was ready to do so. Imagine my absolute shock when I - and others on my team - were laid off unexpectedly. I remember finding out the same day as my daughter’s Spanish program at school because I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to make it because of work commitments. When I got the news about being laid off, my first thought was, what the hell was I thinking? Of course, I’m going to go to my daughter’s program! But it did get me thinking about whether or not I’d been prioritizing the right things, probably for years. I also remember thinking, well, no matter where I go from here, I’m going to be OK. I had an opportunity to take another job at the company which I refused because it just didn’t feel right. Instead, I chose to take time to be still, to reflect on this major life change, and see what I really wanted to do next. I’m still grateful that I took that time for myself because it gave me insight into what was important to me, and where I wanted to go next.

Kristina: What a gift to give yourself, especially when I would imagine the pressure was on to “find your next opportunity” and get back to work (we’ll talk more about work culture later)? What did you end up doing during that time of pause and reflection?

Nicky: For the next four years, I worked outside of corporate America. My mindset was to say “yes” to opportunities that weren’t life-threatening, which lead me to doing a variety of things: I did some volunteering, I did organizational effectiveness consulting for a coaching firm, I was a part of event planning for the opening of the Green Line (a part of the light rail system in the Twin Cities), I planned a wedding, I did leadership development consulting for a non-profit focused on youth in trauma. Honestly, I would’ve never thought to take any of those opportunities in my former life (and with my former mindset about work and success), but in doing so, it made me realize that I hadn’t truly trusted the skills I’d developed during my time in corporate America. Taking those seemingly random - yet also somehow connected - opportunities made me realize all that I’d done and learned, and what I could bring to the table in new ways.

Kristina: That’s so cool! I didn’t know anything about that part of your path…sounds like saying “yes” and being in those new contexts had a profound impact on how you saw yourself. It was also incredibly brave to do that, fyi.

Nicky: Thanks, Kristina…it really did have a lasting impact on how I saw myself. Having someone take a leap of faith on me made me believe in myself and in what I could do, which I don’t think I fully knew or realized about myself in my former life. I was also clear about putting up firm boundaries so I could do things like pick my kids up from school and prioritize things I had deprioritized over the past years. I remember having Fridays when the kids were home from school, but I still had to meet deadlines and such, so I’d put the kids in front of a show, invite my team over to the house, and we’d work there. Life had definitely become lopsided at that point, yet I felt it was what I had to do to be successful, in spite of the reality that I was a mom, a partner, and had other priorities in my life.

Kristina: In a weird way, it almost like this change had to happen because of how it forced you to take a step back, to embrace the pause, and see what was important to you and what really wasn’t. I think we often stay in situations that we know aren’t right for us on some level because the thought of leaving is too scary or, frankly, too inconvenient. There’s often someone we’re going to disappoint in making those types of changes, so instead, we choose to disappoint ourselves over changing the disappointing situation. Which always catches up with us, in some way or another.

Nicky: It became so clear to me when I was laid off that this job, this time in my life, was really done. I was in my next chapter, whether I wanted to be or not. And as I sat with that and started to embrace it, it made me realize what my true priorities were. It also made me see how we are a product of the work culture that surrounds us. At the time, the strong message was you show up as a woman, not as a mother. You don’t reveal a lot about your personal life, you work late, you don’t show that you have to go home and make a meal, pick up your kids, do normal life stuff. Showing your strength and business acumen over your family was the unspoken expectation, and I showed up accordingly. Once I was laid off, it became so clear to me that no one is going to recognize me for working those extra hours. That I’m not as important as I think I am in this space. And that no matter what, my family is always important. Sharing meals together, listening about their days, getting to know their friends. Looking back now, boy, am I glad I did more of that!

Kristina: I think what you mentioned about work culture and how it impacts women is still 100% true in 2026 as it was in 2012. Our verbiage today sounds more inclusive, accepting of “work-life balance,” acknowledging that many of us have multiple priorities we’re juggling at once. Yet those words often don’t translate into real action, support, or policy changes that would support working parents going through the real life things of partnership, having children, pursuing professional paths, caring for aging parents, the list goes on. I think there’s often a disconnect between what we say are the priorities in our life and what we actually do. And our work culture takes advantage of this disconnect, if we let it. So my question (or questions) is, how do we bring alignment there? What does it look like? And, more importantly, what does it feel like?

Nicky: I have an example I can share that made it so clear I made the right choice in refocusing myself and living more in alignment with my true priorities: a couple of months ago, I spent time with my youngest daughter who went to Antarctica as a part of her studies. She wanted me to meet her when she got off the continent to debrief and decompress, so we met in Fiji. My daughter was reflecting on parenthood and how she really appreciated how her dad/I supported her and her sister in pursuing their education and life paths, and it really brought into focus how tuning into what is important and living your life from that place really makes a difference, both for you and the important people in your life.

Kristina: I love that example! You just never know the impact you have on people…and Antarctica - that’s so badass your daughter went there! Getting back to the example you shared earlier, I want to ask you what it was like going from having a very defined career path to that path disappearing practically overnight? I mean, that’s a hard left turn to go from thinking you’re going to retire from this company to not!

Nicky: To be honest, it was really scary at first because it was so unexpected. I didn’t freak out as much as I could’ve, though, because thankfully, I had people I could turn to who were either going through it alongside of me or had gone through something similar, which helped me panic less. It also helped to have a spouse that was working and providing benefits; he was pretty chill throughout the entire thing, which also helped, too.

I think the time of year that it happened lent itself to retrospection, too…it was the end of the year, in December, which can be a quieter, stay-inside time of year in Minnesota, so I had ample opportunity to sit with myself, and reflect. It was good for me to be still which wasn’t something I typically did.

Kristina: I think it’s so brave to be still. The default in our society is to do something, anything, even if it’s not the right thing because the discomfort of not doing something is often too much for us to handle. To actually say this thing happened, it’s a big thing, and it’s completely changing my life can be scary as hell…I mean, how do we sit with that? We often don’t or can’t sit with ourselves because we’re afraid of what we may see or find, so we rush past it to get to the next thing. Sometimes that works, but more often than not we need that pause, that moment to transition, to feel the feels so they don’t come out sideways later. I also think there’s perceived loss around our former identity, because now we have to build something new, and while others may see that as energizing and exciting, others run like hell because where do we even start with that?

OK, next question, friend: What did you learn about yourself as you went through this change and got going on a new path for yourself?

Nicky: As I mentioned earlier, it’s so helpful to have a cohort of people going through it with you because they provide important support. Our jobs are such a huge part of our identity in our country/culture, that to suddenly not have one can leave you feeling lost and unsure of what to do. Getting together with folks for coffee, talking about the ups and downs of it all, sharing ideas, introducing folks to others…it all helped me calibrate what was happening and not be so concerned about how I compared with others or how long it was taking me to transition. I was able to assess pretty accurately where I was at which helped me make better decisions. I also learned that giving myself stillness - while going against my natural tendencies of doing - provided me with the space and knowing that I needed to redefine myself and be clear on who I was, and where I wanted to be moving forward.

Kristina: I totally agree with community being more, not less, important, when going through a big change. I think you discover who is really on your team and who isn’t, because so much of it is in the questions we ask ourselves and in the reactions we get from others. Getting those answers delivered with respect and care is everything, because we’re often grappling with big emotions that can be challenging to navigate, too. Especially when it’s a work thing, because work is #1 in our society, and everyone in our workforce has a different experience around what they’ve seen and felt at work, as well as what it means to them. Which gets back to what we were talking about earlier with women and how they typically feel they need to show up, independent of their realities outside of working hours.

I think it’s also important to call out that our work culture has a shadow side when things like layoffs occur because people feel it disproportionately. Which is why how the message is delivered is so important; when leaders don’t own it, it makes it worse.

Nicky: I agree…phrases like, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to make that decision,” don’t make it easier to receive the news. If it was couched in terms of business strategy and how tough decisions are sometimes required to keep that strategy relevant and moving forward…it would help.

Kristina: That passive voice stuff has always bugged me. “It has been decided…” is one of the worst phrases because in saying it you show that you don’t want the optics of having made the decision yourself (hence the “it has been decided”), but the reality is that you provided input, you signed off on it, you’re in it. You’re trying to soften the blow, which I get, but it often has the opposite effect. That language takes away the responsibility of leaders to bear witness to the human cost of these decisions, to acknowledge that there are real, live human beings on the other side of the spreadsheet or cost analysis that now have to figure out their new reality without many of the safety nets other countries provide, like universal healthcare, but I digress…

Last question: If there was one thing you could do over, what would it be and why?

Nicky: I’m not a risk-taker by nature, so I would have definitely taken more chances in general…said “yes” to more opportunities that weren’t life-threatening. Those little moments of discomfort are what build character, when you push yourself in small ways and see what you’re made of. I’m trying to balance that yes/no ratio in retirement, and to also remember that boundaries are important. Boundaries…not a word I used back in 2012!

I’d also leave more space for the “yes” without having to figure it out in that exact moment. Sometimes we just don’t know where our “yes” is going to take us; that doesn’t mean we don’t say them, though. Trying something new can be the next step, too. It doesn’t have to be such a pressure cooker all the time; not everything is urgent, even though at times it may feel like it is. It’s possible that I may come back to it, I may not…there’s a balance to strike there, for sure.

If I were to give advice to someone going through a big life change, I’d encourage you to sit with questions around, what are the things that scare you? What’s making you uncomfortable? The answers are part of a process of continuously stripping those layers away and how we get to the root cause of those things, which often leads us to the very core of ourselves. To recognize where your priorities are today, not yesterday, a year ago, ten years ago, or what you anticipate for yourself in the future because we really don’t know what’s ahead. For me, that was time with family, time with self, time with community. I would encourage you to figure out the things you need to do and how you start doing them, to start where you’re at. I’m so happy I got to do those crazy and obscure things because I learned a lot about myself, had some important - and fun! - experiences, and that all helped me chart a new path forward that was authentically mine, independent of a job or a company.

I mentioned earlier how having support was huge for me, to have people who knew me, knew what I did, how I did it. I also think it’s important to have people who don’t know a darn thing about you, too! The people who know you, while well-intentioned, are always going to try to place you - and probably still see you - in the thing you last did, and that may not necessarily be what you want to do anymore. People who are new don’t have the same history or experience with you, so it can sometimes open up new avenues or ways of being that you wouldn’t have considered before.

Kristina: I think that is SO TRUE! If reinventing yourself and/or trying out new things is what you feel is right for you after going through a big change, being open to new relationships and new ways of thinking can help a ton, in addition to staying connected to the people who know and love you. Which brings me to my last-last question (for real, this time): is there a movie, song, book, or something else that you’d recommend to someone going through change?

Nicky: Now I know this movie may not be for everyone, but it’s one of my favorites and it speaks to change beautifully, in my opinion. Harold & Maude has had a profound impact on me from the first time I saw it, the soundtrack, the messaging, the characters, the storylines…so all I’ll say is, if you know, you know.

If you know, you know, indeed…a heartfelt “thank you” to Nicky for sharing your change story with all of us today - it was a delight to talk with you, my dear friend, and to learn new things about your journey. Always an inspiration and things to reflect on after we connect…let’s do a walk around Nokomis soon! 🙂

Thanks to everyone for reading - please like, comment, and share so others can enjoy these real stories told by real people about real change.