I thought there was something wrong with me...

Can I Admit Something?

One of the loneliest feelings in the world is realizing you're nobody's first choice.

Nobody's first phone call.
Nobody's first invitation.
Nobody's first thought when plans are being made.

I've felt that way more times than I'd like to admit.

The one who is invited if there's room, but rarely thought of first.

The one who finds out about the lunch, the get together, or the outing after it already happened... usually by seeing the photos shared on social media.

The one who walks into a room full of people and still somehow feels like she doesn't quite belong.

And many times, I've felt that way in church too.

That's a hard thing to say out loud because church is supposed to feel like family, and I see that it clearly does for others.

But churches are made up of people, and people naturally gravitate toward what's familiar. We sit with the same people. We talk to the same people. We invite the same people.

Before long, there are circles.

And if you're not already in one of those circles, it's hard to join them and it can feel like you're standing on the outside looking in.

For a long time, I assumed that meant there was something wrong with me.

Maybe I wasn't outgoing enough.
Maybe I wasn't interesting enough.
Maybe everyone else had figured out something I hadn't.

But the older I get, the more I realize this isn't just about feeling left out.

It's also about something Scripture warns us to be careful of.

Because God has a lot to say about preferential treatment.

James 2 warns believers against showing favoritism. While the specific example is about treating wealthy people differently than poor people, the principle goes much deeper than that.

God doesn't want His people assigning greater value to some people than others.

He doesn't want some people to feel important while others feel invisible.

He doesn't want His church to look like the world, where status, popularity, influence, and familiarity determine who gets welcomed in.

And before anyone gets defensive, I don't think most people do this intentionally.

I don't think most Christians wake up in the morning planning to leave someone out.

But I do think it's easy to become so comfortable with our own circles that we stop noticing the people standing outside of them.

The widow sitting by herself.
The new family who doesn't know anyone yet.
The single mom who came alone.

The woman who has attended church for years but still feels unseen.

The person quietly wondering if anyone would notice if they stopped showing up.

And I can't help but think those are exactly the people Jesus would have moved toward.

Because when I look at Scripture, that's what I see Him doing over and over again.

Jesus seemed to go out of His way to spend time with the very people everyone else overlooked or purposely avoided altogether.

The woman at the well came alone in the heat of the day when nobody else was there. Most scholars believe she was avoiding the other women in town because of her reputation.

Jesus met her there.

Not after He met with everyone else.

Not when it was convenient.

He went out of His way looking for her.

Zacchaeus was hated by his community.

Jesus stopped beneath his tree and called him by name.

Hagar was alone in the wilderness, abandoned and forgotten.

What I love most about Hagar's story is that she wasn't part of the inner circle.

She wasn't an Israelite.

She wasn't the wife through whom the covenant would come.

She was a servant, an outsider, a woman alone in the wilderness.

Yet she became the first person in Scripture recorded as giving God a name: El Roi, "the God who sees me."

While everyone else saw a problem to be sent away, God saw a person worth pursuing.

Hannah poured out her heart while others misunderstood her pain.

But God saw her too.

Again and again, I see the same pattern.

The people who felt forgotten by everyone else were never forgotten by God.

The people standing on the outside looking in were often the very people Jesus moved toward.

Maybe that's why these stories mean so much to me.

Because there have been seasons when I've felt unseen.

Seasons when I've wondered where exactly I fit.

Seasons when I've questioned my worth because I wasn't included.

But God's Word keeps reminding me that my value was never meant to come from being chosen by people.

It comes from being chosen by Christ.

And maybe one of the most Christlike things we can do isn't finding our place in the circle.

Maybe it's noticing who is standing outside of it.

Maybe it's looking for the person sitting alone.

Maybe it's inviting the person nobody else thought to invite.

Maybe it's remembering what it felt like when we were the outsider.

The older I get, the more I'm learning that belonging isn't found in being part of every circle.

It's found in being fully known and fully loved by the One who sees me completely.

So if you've ever felt overlooked, forgotten, left out, or like you never quite fit anywhere, I hope you know this:

The God who saw Hagar sees you.
The God who met the woman at the well sees you.
The God who called Zacchaeus down from the tree sees you.

You may not be everyone's first choice.

But you have always been seen by the One whose opinion matters most.

Before the foundation of the world, you were known by God.

Before anyone invited you in, He made a way for you to belong.

Before anyone chose you, He chose you.

He loved you enough to send His Son to die for you.

He loved you enough to pursue you when you were far from Him.

He loved you enough to call you His own.

The cross is proof that you are not forgotten, overlooked, or unwanted.

You are deeply loved by the God who sees you.

And if the rest of us call ourselves followers of Jesus, maybe we should start looking a little harder for the people He would have noticed first. ❤️