The Hot Girls Guide To Asking For Help 💅🏼✨

Besties, hi! I want to drop a quick note and apologize for missing last week—my sweet husband and I got rear ended last Saturday going to dinner, ugh. It was a bit stressful, and I was a bit shaken up, and because I like to write in the moment on Sunday morning—I wasn’t able to get to Substack. Both of us are fine, but yikes, my neck was sore and I’m grateful I didn’t have a concussion. Thank you for bearing with me! This week’s post has been very much my vibe the past few weeks, and I hope you love it. Xx

I once had a yoga teacher, Coby, who told the most incredible stories. She shared one about a leadership conference she attended, where she had to get through a maze, blindfolded. I believe every person in her small group had their own maze, and a person paired with them to make sure they were safe galavanting around without sight.

Coby, competitive as she is, was sure she would be the first one out of the maze. As she moved around, trying to find the path out—it was announced relatively quickly that someone else had beat her, and was out of the maze. Ugh. Coby continued to move around, while her person checked in with her to make sure she was alright. She said she was fine, kept moving around her maze, while listening to other people around her succeed. “So and so is out of the maze! So and so is out of the maze!”

Coby shared she was getting frustrated, especially because she thought she would win. How are other people getting out and not her? Her person continued to check in, “How’s it going, Coby?” until she finally answered, “I dunno, I guess I need help!” to which her person responded,

“Coby is out of the maze!”

There was no literal exit out of the maze. The way to get out of the maze was to ask for help. Asking for help was how you succeeded.

Asking for help is not easy. Especially if you are an eldest daughter, high achiever, perfectionist baddie who likes to do things herself. Who likes to prove they’re capable. An independent woman who prefers to push through obstacles and challenges solo, because you can. Also imo, it’s probably not easy to ask for help if you have strong Virgo, Aries, Leo or Capricorn placements in your birth chart. Speaking as someone with an Aries Moon and a Virgo Rising—I like to be really good at things. I set my own standards and prefer to meet them on my own, thank you very much. I don’t need help. I got this! It’s fine! I’m fine! (right?)

Listen, this can be the vibe sometimes, but not all the time. It can be daunting, and even embarrassing, to ask for support when you need it. Whether it’s something personal, a work thing, or a life thing—does anyone else feel shame for even thinking about asking? Or have a fear of rejection? Or like you’re being a burden and you don’t want to take up extra space? My brain also likes to tell me I have no friends and no one wants to talk to me about my shit, ya know? UGH. Girl, I’ve been there. I am there! It’s hard. But hot girls like you and me don’t have to do anything alone. It’s literally ok to ask for the help you need.

In the spirit of being an independent diva who’ s getting better at asking for help—here’s what I’ve found useful as I’ve navigated feeling cringe and awkward when I’ve needed assistance with literally anything.

There are lots of different ways to be supported. Do you need to vent? Cry? Did you accidentally double book yourself and need someone to run an errand for you? Walk the dog? Or maybe you just don’t want to be alone and need a friend. Knowing what you need makes it easier to communicate! Even to yourself. Sometimes when I’m like aaahhhh I’m overwhelmed ahhhhhh, pausing to be like, what do you need, girl? helps me unmuddle my brain and gives me a task, as opposed to just straight up spiraling.

Reach out to your girls! Your neighbors! Your partners! Your support team doesn’t need to be huge—literally one or two people is perf. But the person you reach out to is important. Of course, the kind of help can be obvious—like if you need help at home, maybe you ask your roomie or your partner. If you need to vent, reach out to the friend who’s an expert at holding space. Decide if you text or call. Then reach out.

Not sure how to do it without feeling cringey? Girl, same. I’ve sent texts that have made me want to crawl in a hole bc of how silly and embarrassed I felt sending them, but I’m lucky enough to have friends who are like, what do you mean you’re embarrassed you sent this?! If you need help crafting a text, here are a few ideas. I always start my texts saying girl (lol) but you can add whatever term of endearment you like. (bro, my guyyyy, my friend! etc.)

• Girl, I’m spiraling. Are you around for a quick chat?

• Girl, I’m a little overwhelmed with life right now, would you be down for grabbing a coffee or running a few errands with me?

• Help meeeee friend! Everything’s ok, but can I get your take on something?

• I’m struggling girl, do you have any comfort tv recs?

• Not to be dramatic, but I’m in need of a deep chat. Are you emotionally available? I don’t want to overwhelm you, but let me know!

If the help is offered (“Girl, of course, call meeee!”) receive it, and have gratitude for it. This part, at least for me, can be just as challenging as asking tbh. This is where it’s helpful to know exactly what you’re asking for. Communicate your needs (“I just need to vent” or “I’d love your thoughts on this” or “Can we just hang?”) and of course, share how much you appreciate and love this person for holding space. How lucky are we to have supportive friends and family who love us?

The flip side of the coin though, is that the person you reached out to may not be able to help in the moment. And that’s ok! Try not to take it personally, and ask someone else for the help you need if you can, or perhaps you take a sec to see if there are ways to help yourself in the meantime. You got this.

Listen. Sometimes you need to bring in additional help, aside from friends and family. Therapy is a beautiful thing. Or maybe it’s more like hiring someone to clean your house once a month. Grocery delivery. A dog walker. Again, this goes back to really identifying the kind of help you need. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, especially if the help is coming from an outside source. I’ve started therapy again, and listen, going through insurance and medical stuff makes me uncomfortable and just like UGH but we’re doing it! Because I’ve been strugglingggg and that’s ok. I’m so lucky to have incredible friends, a supportive spouse, and now, an incredible care team in addition to my close knit community. Hot girls ask for helpppp!

If you’re on the struggle bus (like I am hehe), I’m sending so much love to you. You literally don’t have to do anything alone, sometimes all you have to do is ask. As always, let me know how you’re doing in the comments 🥰

Big hugs,

Kristen

PS. My yoga teacher, Coby, changed my life in so many ways—and if you’re looking for help and support, might I suggest her two books? She’s written two, you can find them here and here.