I spent years trying to control my body before I realized it was trying to keep me well. Every symptom felt like something to overcome; the anxiety, the exhaustion, the tight shoulders, the sleepless nights and the craving for sugar after a stressful day. I treated each symptom like an inconvenience, something standing between me and the life I wanted. So I pushed harder. I worked longer hours, exercised through fatigue and wore my resilience like a badge of honor. The harder I pushed, the louder my body became.
It wasn’t until I began studying the nervous system that everything changed. I stopped asking, “How do I get rid of this symptom?” and started asking a different question: “What is my body trying to tell me?” That single question shifted my relationship with my body from one of control to one of curiosity. Instead of seeing symptoms as enemies, I began to see them as messages. A racing heart could be asking for safety. Chronic fatigue could be asking for rest. Tight shoulders might be carrying unspoken stress. Even the breath tells a story. Short, shallow breaths often signal survival, while slow, steady breaths communicate safety to the nervous system.
“The body speaks in sensations long before it speaks in symptoms.” – Koya
There are a handful of books that forever changed the way I relate to my body. Reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk helped me understand that trauma isn’t just remembered by the mind; it can also be carried in the body. What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry taught me to replace judgment with curiosity by asking, “What happened to me?” instead of, “What’s wrong with me?” Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life introduced me to the transformative practice of self-love and forgiveness. While I recognize that not all of its health claims are supported by scientific evidence, its invitation to relate to ourselves with compassion profoundly influenced my healing journey and how I support my clients. Then recently Gabor Maté’s When the Body Says No helped me recognize how chronic stress, suppressed emotions and constantly putting everyone else’s needs before our own can shape our overall wellbeing.
Each of these authors offered me a different piece of the puzzle. One taught me that the body remembers. Another taught me to become curious. Another reminded me of the healing power of self-compassion. Another revealed the cost of ignoring the body’s signals. Together, they inspired a question that continues to guide both my life and my work: What if our bodies have been communicating with us all along and we simply haven’t learned how to listen?
Your body is not working against you. It’s working for you even when it doesn’t feel that way.
I believe this is the heart of embodiment. It’s not about becoming perfect, eliminating stress or never feeling anxious again. It’s about developing a relationship with your body that is rooted in trust rather than control. The nervous system doesn’t care how successful you appear on the outside; it responds to whether you feel safe on the inside. When safety is missing, your body adapts. It tightens, protects, braces or disconnects; not because it’s failing you, but because it’s trying to keep you alive. When we learn to recognize those patterns with compassion instead of criticism, healing becomes possible.
This is why I’m beginning a new series called The Language of Your Body. In the coming weeks, we’ll explore the messages behind anxiety, fatigue, inflammation, cravings, sleep, breath, pain, joy and the everyday signals that shape our wellbeing. My hope is that each essay helps you become more fluent in the wisdom your body has been offering all along.
If this conversation resonates with you, I think you’ll love my book, Wellbeing Rituals, where I share the daily practices that helped me move from survival mode into sustainable wellbeing. It’s a practical guide to creating rituals that regulate your nervous system, reconnect you with your body and support lasting transformation. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet, I hope it becomes a companion on your own healing journey.
Want to go deeper?
If this resonates, I’ve created Wellbeing Rituals Book Club Guides to help you and your circle work through these ideas together — reflection questions, journal prompts, and rituals you can practice as a group. To access your guide, just have your book order number or the name of the event where you picked up your copy ready, and you’re in.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments: What is one message you think your body has been trying to tell you lately?
With love,
Koya
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