c’était, c’est,

I think about how I share. I take long walks and stare at the places I pass. I feel guilty, I feel thrilled. I do feel safe. I wonder where I will go next. I wonder why I did what I have done. I sit and feel the air and think about nothing at all.

A cup of tea, a mouthful of bread. I smear cheese and smile. I listen to people tell me stories. I listen to words I don’t understand. I try and repeat them. I add songs to my phone to listen later. I don’t wear my headphones as I walk around because I don’t want to jinx it. And I want to hear the air and the buzz of a place that’s supposedly very far away from where I am from. But I don’t feel far away. I feel so here and now and at some points it makes me sick. There is nothing to distract me. Except being surrounded. But that doesn’t distract me. I can dissolve into everything when I’m surrounded by so much unknown.

I’m not here to really talk about the trip. I just wish everyone could do it. To get out, tango with the unknown, unravel more of yourself and the world, and get back. Do it forever.

A mix of feelings returning home when you’ve been meandering around for a month, shocker. In the constant stream of news and terror and all the bullshit we are inundated with. Stuff that just pulls us further and further from our truth. It’s just another practice, getting back every time. I haven’t really been inspired to share much. But I have been listening to a lot of music…so I have two playlists for you. One is just over 4 hours of music LOL. It is everything I was listening to while I was abroad. South of Ireland, Berlin, Lisbon, Paris, London and the countryside…you can hear a bit of all of it. Lots of my favorites and songs I was getting into or back to with the season. Songs I heard in record shops or markets or restaurants. I had different playlists I made while in each place so I decided to compile them. Should you happen to have apple music (the service I’m using atm), you can listen to it here. Otherwise, I made them both on youtube as well (click here).

The other playlist, is a 12-song ode to returning to my daily American life. Drive, rage, confusion, play, and an edge of hope. (here is the link if it doesn’t work below)

TTYL.

<3 kj