Resurfacing (Part 1)

This week I gave my final presentation for the project management certification course I’ve been working on for more than a year. When the Q&A ended and the instructor praised my team’s work, I realized I’d been holding my breath. I let out an exhale somewhere between a raspberry and a fart and sank back in my chair, suddenly exhausted.

I tried to pay attention to the remaining presentations, but my mind wandered. Eventually, the instructor said his final words, class ended, and we all logged off.

And suddenly I had nothing to do.

This coursework has eaten up most of my free time over the past year despite all the other things that I have been doing, including starting a new job that’s proving to be a bigger challenge than expected. Even during the weeks between classes, I was always playing catch-up for the rest of my life or trying to get ahead of the next class. I had a few days where I tried to sleep in but my brain just kept circling around like a whirlpool and I would end up getting out of bed just to do whatever was stressing me out and get it off my mind. And in the process of letting those things take over, some of the things that I love to do the most have fallen to the side. Things like:

1. I haven’t taken a whole Saturday to make a project meal

2. I haven’t walked from one end of Golden Gate Park to the beach

3. I haven’t sat still with a book that is focused on food and cooking

4. I haven’t reached out to anyone to grab coffee

Here’s what I have done:

1. I have let my garden wither and get choked by weeds

2. I have accumulated piles and piles of junk that need to be disposed of

3. I have gotten behind on a list of repairs for the apartment

4. I have let my friendships go

That last one has been a bit of a growing issue for me. A combination of my various obligations and the shift away from socializing around alcohol has left me spending more time alone. The other night, I made some fish tacos for dinner and sat down to eat and watch some TV before class got started. There was nothing that I really was invested in enough to sit and watch so I flipped the TV off and finished eating. About a third of the way through my tacos, I realized how quiet the house was and that I was just sitting there, eating in silence, by myself. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are days when silence and some fish tacos are the ultimate in what I want out of life. But that night, I felt a little lonely and a little like I could be doing more to engage in life more. I had the end of my classwork in sight and the chance to do some things that might be more in line with things I’m interested in.

In fact, I now have the project management skills to support doing what I want to being doing.

Next time on KitchenBeard: What Have I Gotten Myself Into Now??