public service announcement from princess olivia

Humans,

It has come to my attention that International Cat Day has come and gone. Although it goes without saying that it is a disservice to catkind to celebrate our glorious existence for only one singular day per calendar year, it is an even greater affront that I have not witnessed nearly the adequate quantity of cats and kittens in celebration of this holiday. In short: You people aren’t appreciating your feline companions enough and it is a disgrace.

I humble myself in appearance on this inane platform for the benefit of all you two-leggers, all of whom would not have nearly as wondrous of a life as you would if I had never made myself known to you. Because my mother regularly posts my image and likeness here, I simply assumed other humans gave their royal companions the same respect, even if they are not quite on my level of prestige. Clearly, I was wrong.

Now, I must once again reestablish my writing career and remind you all, once again, how beautiful and glorious cats are. Although not all cats have the status symbol of “princess” that I carry, all cats are royalty. Need I reacquaint you with the Egyptians? Not only did they know about style, but they knew about the sacredness of cats better than any of you moronic automatic feeder refillers could ever fathom. People used to worship us, as they should. Now they wear gloves when they have the glorious opportunity to clean our bathrooms. What has the world come to?

All this to say: Post your cats. Allow them to show you what real writing looks like and post their own publications on your mundane blogs. Take their portraits often and share them with the people of Substack. Spread the good news of catkind to all corners of the world. It is the least you can do.

Hopefully I will not have to reprimand you all again anytime soon. If you don’t hear from me here, keep fighting the good fight against the pestilential red dots, and stay tuned for my interview from JustSomeMustard coming soon.

Your humble leader,

Princess Olivia of the Persian Rug Stains, Red Dot Chaser of the King

reminders of my beauty: