A journey begins

Since Monday, I’ve been doing a lot of research into how to get my account back from Meta. There are entire subreddits dedicated to this issue, and it’s been very confusing to try to weed through all the posts from panicked ex-users, though also comforting to see that so many people are also dealing with this. It seems that most people who have had success in getting their accounts reactivated had to go through small claims court; apparently that is what it takes to get the issue actually looked at by human support staff. The first step was to send a demand letter, so I am having a lawyer draft one. We shall see what this does, if anything…

This sounds extremely pathetic, but I definitely feel like I’m going through the 5 stages of grief since I lost access to all my social media accounts yesterday. Denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance.

I feel free from the clutches of social media — feeling obligated to keep posting, lest you lose out among the ever complicated algorithms and get lost. Seeing people living life as a highlight reel, going on amazing vacations, looking poreless, wrinkle-free, living a perfect, 2-kid, clean house dream. FOMO. All that pressure is gone!

At the same time I miss seeing all of my friends post about their lives, and their projects, and art, and being able to find new connections very easily. But most of all, I felt a jarring sense of profound sadness and feeling so utterly disconnected all of a sudden.

I made a graphic that I asked some friends on Instagram to share for me, which detailed the fact that I was now permabanned on there and to find me here and on my website. It was shared pretty widely in my small community, and people were reaching out to me about it. I was sent screencaps of them sharing it, and discussing it. It was at once heart warming and painful.

Some people I have talked to don’t understand. They have always avoided social media; they find it to be white noise, and the idea of being able to be reached by anyone and everyone is horrifying to them. It’s definitely much healthier mentally to not be a part of the social media landscape altogether. Maybe the sadness and sick feeling in my stomach is in fact the beginning parts of a withdrawal from a harmful drug.

A lot of people — 2/3 of the world’s population, use social media. And Instagram is the fourth most popular platform, under Facebook, YouTube and WhatsApp. Everyone talks about how social media is a plague, it’s a cancer on society, causing harm through the polarizing media narratives it supports and promotes, all in the name of engagement. It’s true.

But the fear remains — I’m going to be forgotten. Social ostracism is a deep and ingrained fear in humans. Without other people knowing you exist, how could you survive? Posting on social media was almost a way to reach out into the ether to occasionally call out, to remind people that I’m here, I’m creating my art, please if I can have a second of your time —

I feel like I’m on an untethered raft, floating around and not knowing where I will land.

It’s just the internet, I know. I’ll go touch grass, shortly, so I will work on getting over it and not being as dramatic. I’ve planted my tomatoes, herbs, beans, zucchini and eggplant for the season, and I have a lot of work left in weeding and replanting some ornamentals. The chickens are laying a ton now.