KIDLAT News | Peril of the Orient
MANILA – University of Santo Tomas (UST) celebrates 22 consecutive years of being ranked the “Oldest University in Asia” by the Times Higher Education in the latest World University Rankings released Wednesday, while announcing a bold modernization initiative that includes installing electric fans in select classrooms and replacing several handwritten ledgers with…
MANILA – In a historic breakthrough for East Asian defense cooperation, the Japanese Ministry of Defense announced Thursday it has successfully delivered a cutting-edge, short-range ballistic tracking system to the Philippines. The proprietary technology is specifically engineered to locate fugitive Senator Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa by bouncing military-grade microwave beams directly off his…
QUEZON CITY – In a bold display of ideological peacocking, University of the Philippines (UP) freshman Wilfredo Alarcon, 18, was spotted climbing the steps of Palma Hall in Diliman Campus Wednesday afternoon wearing a slightly distressed Che Guevara T-shirt–a sartorial choice he claims was made “to spark revolutionary discourse,” but which several sources confirm was more accurately…
CARMEN, Bohol — The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) has formally rejected the Philippines’ application to designate the Chocolate Hills of Bohol as a World Heritage Site, citing what it described as a “fundamental misunderstanding of both geology and dessert.” In a 43-page assessment released Monday, UNESCO confirmed that despite the site’s name,…
MANDALUYONG, Metro Manila – Declaring 2025 “a banner year for outbound citizens,” the Philippine government announced Thursday it has dramatically exceeded even its most bullish people-export projections, shipping a staggering 131,250 metric tons of Filipinos abroad, despite minor bottlenecks such as airport capacity, parental tears, and LinkedIn congestion. The milestone, celebrated at a…
MANILA – Francis and Rosario Reyes, prominent Couples for Christ members and best known for their luxury home bible study group and aggressive “Campaign Against Loitering” in their New Manila neighborhood, have once again opened their estate this Christmas season to a carefully selected group of poor street children–the same ones they routinely glare at from their SUV every other month…
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Colony of Spain for more than three hundred years and of America for another fifty, the Philippines has had less than a hundred years to put its house in order on its own. Here is a comprehensive timeline of Philippine history to understand how we have come to this glorious mess. Download the PDF: The Definitive Timeline of Philippine History Pre-Colonial Period Spanish Rule (with Nationalist…
MANILA – Super typhoon Pepito pounded the Philippines on Saturday while the country is already feeling sore after repeated poundings by five other tropical storms this month. Packing wind speeds of 195kmh and gusts of up to 325kmh as it battered the Philippines’ vulnerable eastern side, Pepito brought more soreness to the already suffering country. Pepito is the sixth typhoon to assault…
MANILA – Despite hopeful expectations from Filipino spectators that the Philippines would come out of this match with a vital draw, Kristine’s offensive combination of gale-force winds and torrential rain proved too devastating for the home team, resulting in a landslide win for the visiting severe tropical cyclone. With this result, the Philippines’ record against typhoons now stands…
MAKATI CITY – According to the latest statistics from the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI), the Philippines exported a record 129,600 tons of Filipinos in 2023, roughly equivalent to 2,160,000 individuals (at 60kg/individual), generating a total of PhP239 billion in revenue. Filipinos remain by far the Philippines top export, followed by electrical machinery and equipment (including…
Passing a divorce law in the Philippines is a really bad idea. Here’s why: We will lose our prestigious title as The Only Country Besides the Vatican Where Divorce is Illegal™. Think about that for a second before you babble about gender equality and all that nonsense. You’re not a Muslim, are you? Just go and see the doctor to cover up those bruises from last night’s fight.…
LOS BAÑOS, Laguna – 78 percent of residents of Panay Island in the provinces of Aklan , Antique , Capiz and Iloilo have Aswang DNA, according to a recent study by researchers from the University of the Philippines in Los Baños entitled “DNA Sequencing and Analysis of Panay Island Population” published in the latest issue of Nature . The latest study was made possible after a team…
QUEZON CITY – “The name of our national anthem is Bayang Magiliw , not Lupang Hinirang,” declared Senator Tito Sotto (in Filipino) at the joint press conference with Senator Ronald dela Rosa on Monday. “You know it, we know it, and all grade-school children all over the country know it.” The two senators introduced a bill on Tuesday that would legally change the name…
QUEZON CITY – In a major victory for divorce proponents in the Philippines, the influential Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines has agreed to drop its objection to couples divorcing when one of them is already dead, paving the way for passing the long-awaited Divorce Law in the country. The Philippines and the Vatican are the only two countries in the world that has no law…
QUEZON CITY – Carlos Yulo , who clinched two gold medals for the Philippines at the Paris Olympics , has offered to end his much publicized rift with his mother by gifting her the lifetime supply of cotton buds awarded to him by Mercury Drug . After finishing first in the men’s floor and vault competitions in the Paris Olympics, Yulo received 20 billion pesos from various branches of…
MANILA – In a bid to accelerate the adoption of battery electric vehicles ( BEV ) in the country and reduce waste, the Philippine government introduced a new law on Wednesday that will require car companies to ensure that every BEV sold in the Philippines in 2026 will use the USB-C port to charge its batteries, the same standard port used on mobile phones, tablets and cameras. Photo: Tesla…
MANILA – As if crushing poverty, rampant crime, environmental disasters and Senator Robin Padilla are not enough, Filipinos risk further divine punishment coming their way by needlessly persecuting the Son of Jehovah , popularly known as Apollo Quiboloy . Quiboloy has been arrested in Davao City by agents of the Philippine National Police Monday and is set to be arraigned on a number of…
VATICAN CITY – Jesus Christ released a statement through the Vatican Wednesday confirming that the Filipino church leader, FBI fugitive, and self-professed “Appointed Son of God” Apollo Quiboloy is in fact his younger sibling, appointed by their father Jehovah to save humanity from wokeness. “Verily I say onto you, do not persecute Apollo,” Jesus Christ’s…
BEIJING, China – Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson Yize Qu on Monday accused the Philippine government of enabling Filipino marines to take advantage of free showers provided by Chinese Coast Guard ships in the West Philippine Sea ( South China Sea ). Photo: Chinese Coast Guard ships giving Filipinos free showers “As is well known, Chinese vessels in the South China Sea generously…
OXFORD, England – Oxford University registrar Gillian Aitken confirmed Thursday that after lying in the university’s vault for forty years, President Bongbong Marcos ’ long-lost diploma has finally been found, one week after the Philippine government donated £24 million to the university. Photo: Oxford University’s Trinity College, where Marcos’ diploma was found The diploma’s…
DAVAO CITY – Local man Peter Esteban, 46, enthusiastic supporter of ex-president Rodrigo Duterte ’s War on Drugs in which human rights groups say as many as 12,000 Filipinos died, today tweeted his profound sadness at the number of deaths in the ongoing Israel-Hamas War . “As a Roman Catholic I don’t really favor any side in this conflict,” tweeted Esteban, “but…
MANILA – Presidential Adviser for Poverty Alleviation and motivational speaker Larry Gadon shared to Tondo’s destitute the suprisingly simple secret to a richer life: “Just stop being poor.” As part of his country-wide tour for poverty alleviation, Larry Gadon gave a rousing speech Saturday inside a packed community center in Tondo , Manila in which he urged his audience of…
MANILA – A recent study conducted by the University of Santo Tomas ( UST ) School of Behavioral Science researchers determined that the average time you spend in the bathroom before your date starts to think that you took a dump is 6 minutes and 37 seconds. Photo: University of Santo Tomas Main Building The study, led by UST graduate students Crispin Manalastas and Evelyn Castro and…
AKITA CITY, Japan – Biñan, Laguna native and self-confessed weeaboo Rodel Rosario, a 32-year-old factory worker in Japan , have won an old samurai castle located in rural Akita Prefecture in a raffle conducted on January 29, 2024 by the prefectural government to dispose abandoned houses and other derelict properties. Photo: Kubota Castle in Akita Prefecture won by Rosario in a raffle…
PASIG CITY, Metro Manila – In a strange but extremely fortunate stroke of luck, senate minority leader Aquilino “Koko” Pimentel III , who called for an audit of the gaming activities of Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office ( PCSO ) after a recent controversial lottery result, himself wins P117 million ($2.1 million) in the latest PCSO grand lotto draw. The winning number was…
MANILA – After months of top-secret negotiations between the Philippines and the People’s Republic of China , Philippine Secretary of Foreign Affairs Enrique Manalo and his Chinese counterpart Wang Yi announced at the joint press conference Monday that the Philippines has agreed to sell Mindanao and the surrounding islands to the Chinese-speaking nation for $20 billion, with $15…
MANILA – President Bongbong Marcos declared at Tuesday’s press conference that drugs have decisively won the Philippines ’ War on Drugs , one year after former president Rodrigo Duterte , the architect of the brutal six-year war on illicit substances, left office. Photo: President Bongbong Marcos announcing the end of the War on Drugs As a token of surrender, President Marcos had a day…
PASAY CITY, Metro Manila – Alex Fillarca, 27, had not believed what he heard from family and friends, but now that she was right in front of him, there was no more denying the truth. He remembered phoning his brother from Taiwan to confirm the rumors. “Well, I thought you already knew,” his brother had told him. “Everybody in our street knew what’s up. There’s…
QUEZON CITY – At a joint press conference Monday, Iglesia ni Cristo (INC) executive minister Eduardo Manalo and Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR) commisioner Romeo Lumagui, Jr. formally announced the implementation of an innovative system through which the BIR will directly deduct a 10% ‘Salvation Tax’ from Iglesia ni Cristo members’ salary every payday. Photo: Bureau of Internal…
PASAY CITY, Metro Manila – In a priviledged speech on the Philippine Senate floor Friday, Senator Ronald ‘Bato’ dela Rosa declared that trees are ‘communist sympathizers’ that should be eradicated from the country’s mountains through legislation. Photo: Philippine Senator Ronald Dela Rosa announcing death to all trees “Let’s state the obvious,”…
TOKYO, Japan – Las Piñas, Metro Manila native Ronald Dimalanta, 37, set a new world record Tuesday when he managed to unfasten his seatbelt an astounding 0.009 seconds after his All Nippon Airways airplane touched down in Haneda Airport in Tokyo at 19:15 local time. The ANA Boeing 787 ’s state-of-the-art safety control system detected the almost instantaneous seatbelt detachment as the…
HAWTHORNE, California – In a stunning development, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk offered 1 billion dollars to the Philippines if it would agree to change its name to ‘Philippenis’. Photo: Billionaire Elon Musk proposing Philippines name change “I will give them a billion dollars right now and a blue verified badge on Twitter if they change their name to Philippenis,” Musk…
Our daughter has just had her first menstruation, and there’s no better time for her to experience this age-old tradition for beauty, chastity and hygiene! ‘ Female circumcision?! ’ you’re probably thinking right now. That’s right, just like young preteen Filipino boys who undergo circumcision, we should bring back this largely forgotten rite of passage for chaste…
TAGUIG CITY, Metro Manila – Modern-day hero and former migrant worker Idelfonso Torres, who passed away last Tuesday at the age of 56, was refused burial at the Libingan ng mga Bayani (Cemetery of Heroes), his son Manuel Torres, 27, revealed at a press conference Tuesday. “The gate of Libingan ng mga Bayani is walking distance from our house, so I thought it’s ideal to bury my…
MANILA – During his weekly press conference Monday, Justice Secretary Jesus Crispin Remulla addressed the recent spate of killings of suspected leftist symphatizers and activists by offering this unsolicited advice: ‘Stop being annoying.’ “All these homicide cases concerning the leftist segment of the population that certain groups of people complain over and over again are…
MANILA – During the telephone conference between the two heads of state Tuesday, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau lauded the friendly relations between the two countries and thanked President Bongbong Marcos for the Philippine government’s continued cooperation in regularly supplying Canada with high-grade Filipinos . Photo: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau with wife…
PASIG CITY, Metro Manila – The Philippine corporate world was rocked Monday when long-time CEO Ernesto Tanmantiong filed suit at the Pasig Regional Trial Court against his company Jollibee Foods Corporation to demand, among others, health-care benefits, paid leave, 13th-month pay, and the end to worker contractualization , starting with himself. At an impromptu press conference outside the…
MAKATI CITY, Metro Manila – “About a year ago, I overheard my father telling his drinking buddies he can finally retire when I graduate from college,” says an irate Maricel Pangan, 21, in Filipino. “And I was like, ‘Hello? I still have five brothers and sisters who aren’t even in college yet! Is it fair that only I get to graduate and have a career?’ Boy,…
BEIJING, China – After weeks of silence, Chinese spokesman Yize Qu, at a press conference in Beijing, chided the Philippine media for erroneously reporting that the shower heads aimed by a Chinese ship at a Philippine Coast Guard vessel were water cannons. The Philippines has accused China of using one of its navy ships to fire water cannons at its ship and blocking it in the South China Sea…
QUEZON CITY – Bernard del Mundo, sophomore at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, takes great pride in being accepted into this fraternity whose illustrious fellows helped transform the Philippines into a thriving, people-exporting Third World powerhouse. Del Mundo has just been inducted into the exclusive Upsilon Sigma Phi (motto: “We gather light to sputter” ), the…
SEOUL, South Korea – A diplomatic spat is brewing between two erswhile Asian friends over the exclusive use of the name ‘East Sea’ to refer to the body of water east of their respective territories. “There is only one East Sea ,” said the South Korean Foreign Ministry announcement, “and it’s the one east of the Korean peninsula, not east of Vietnam. We…
HONG KONG, China – Seemingly insurmountable chasms of language, wealth and distance cannot keep true Ilocanos from bonding. Just ask single mother Divina Ebreo, 47, a domestic worker in Hong Kong and a proud Ilocano from La Union . She feels a deep, inexplicable, almost mystical connection to fellow Ilocano Congressman Sandro Marcos (full name Ferdinand Alexander Araneta Marcos III), son of…
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